Observations on Aging

So the house will not be the same, but my view of senior citizens and my commitment to my aging parents and my aging self remain the same.  I am committed even more so to the following statements in regards to my own journey into old age after witnessing and caring for Nan for the past month.

First,  I want to be placed in a senior living center/ assisted home care environment, when it becomes evident that I am beginning to struggle with aspects of life and the tasks at hand that I used to handle with ease.  I want to be able, in an age appropriate  situation, to make the most of my time and my activities.   The allure of others, in my same age bracket or similar circumstances who understand what stage of life I am in, and those that would surround me that are trained to work with seniors, makes all this an attractive option for someone that is as social and active as I am.  Secondly, I have come to the conclusion that it is a choice that we make as we age, to be humble, kind and tenderhearted or prideful and discontent, I am desiring to choose in advance kindness.  (when I falter in the years ahead, please bring me back to this post) and I am beginning now to pray that the Lord would grant me a sense of humor and humility in the entire aging process.

All of this to say, that within the past month, I have gained significant insight into many areas of aging that have perhaps crossed my mind briefly, but due to the circumstances at hand and the ensuing conversations, I have come to ponder these issues much more, and in research and consideration have come to the following conclusions: *** disclaimer, I am not, nor at any point in this post, do I lay claims to any medical insight or any professional training, this information is all gathered in the trenches, during day to day activities and  through first hand observations and musings.

When you live alone, it is far easier to keep up the facade of "normal aging".  The occasional repeating of facts, the infrequent confusion of dates and times and occasions is overlooked for a significant and sustained period of time longer than if you were married or living with other family members.

That there is a brief period in your aging years (70 - 80's ) where you can articulate that things are slowing down for you. That you are not able to keep up, or to use the phrase from an old folk song, "the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be".  At this point you are aware, and still okay with the fact that things are not as they used to be, and you are willing and able to compensate for the changes to your physical being with glasses, or hearing aids, surgeries, or slowing your activities, making adjustments as needed to sustain a quality of life, knowing that things can still be good, but will not be the same. There comes a point in that journey where you loose that ability to focus or see clearly the aging process,  and you revert to phrases, like " I am not crippled" "I'm not deaf", "I can see that just fine", or " I am not an invalid" as a method of self preservation and to hide that you are not able to do what you used to do, with ease, and you not any to happy about it.

At some point in the cycle of life you go from having the ability and desire to help others that are transitioning through life stages, to being someone in a life stage that refuses assistance. For example at one time you were the first one that if a neighbor/friend had to give up driving, you offered them a ride to and from wherever they needed to go, because serving others brought great joy to you. Now at this stage in life, when the tables are turned, you are refusing to allow others the blessing of taking you places, or doing things for you, because you are stubborn or prideful and do not want to ask for help. Completely forgetting the era/season in your life where your service to others was a complete and absolute blessing.  I venture to say that some of this refusal to "be a burden" is a generational issue.  The prevalent mindset, of the 30's, 40's and 50's was that you took care of yourself. Pride aside, perhaps the even more underlying issue is the deep seeded thought that one just handles their own business, for the good, the bad, and the indifferent and that asking for help is a sign that you are no longer capable. 

The predominant personality trait that is hard wired into a person from birth reemerges in your later days.  In younger days if that personality trait is not an exceptionally great one, you learn the social cues and the social expectations and are able to down play that trait with more acceptable behaviors and respond accordingly.  In later days, I would assume you are too old or tired to really give a rip, so you stop trying. Sadly, more often than not, this dominate personality trait now taints how you respond to most things that come your direction. Often times without the realization that perhaps you are in the wrong or that you misunderstood the situation completely.

In no way do I wish to down play the affects of aging and the difficulties that lie within the psyche of the person experiencing the changes that are undoubtedly physical and mental.  There is much to be said for the grace in which those around love you through this process, I can't help but consider that there should be much more thought and consideration placed in preparing for the aging process.  Not just our retirement plan, this goes far beyond finances.

While in today's day and age, there is much more research, many more medical advances and far less stigma attached to seeking assistance outside the areas of what we feel comfortable with as our bodies begin to age, increasing our life expectancies exponentially. Sadly, we may delude ourselves when we are young into thinking that we are not going to be difficult as an elderly person, or that our experiences in life will make us a different breed of elderly, and while to a certain extent that may be true, I also believe that we need to be prayerful and conscientious about aging process.

In just this small window of time that I have shared with an elderly gal near and dear to our hearts, who declares "she is not old, or deaf, and is in denial about her memory skills", I have begun to pray that in my older days, I would be humble, gracious and would retain my sense of humor.  I am also being purposeful now, so that in my older days (or the event that I should I become ill and need full time care) that there has been prayerful considerations about what I desire for my care and for the amount of responsibility that I desire for my children to take in my life in the future.  I want to be intentional in the planning and preparation for the execution of events in the future. All of which will, in the long run lend to set expectations, and clear boundaries for everyone including ol' feeble minded me!  

This is not a time to make stuff up! 

New Years Greetings from the Prince and I

Greetings from the Prince and I ! 

2014 has been an eventful, joy filled, tear filled, busy, crazy year filled with growth, great change and tons of love that spans great distances!

I believe it can not be said enough, that this thing we do, called life, we would not have the ability to sustain or triumph through, without your love and support, without your prayers and your visits, without knowing that the Lord is the center of all that we do. 

The highlight reel this year, most certainly is a long one.  So in a heart of reflection, in no particular order, here are some of our 2014 highlights ( this year I got a consult from the Prince while compiling the list!)

• Great snow storms in February ( Where we were able to craft our whole family (Daniel too) with pets, made from snow, and in a second storm, a dragon complete with green food coloring skin) 
• A healthy family all 9 of us, the dwarfs and the Prince and I
•  A new job position for the Prince, in which he continues to serve the Lord and others daily
• A new home, in our new home state of Florida
• The best neighbors ever (Kings Crossing family) 
• A supportive and loving extended family 
• A complete and absolute GOD story about the sale of our home to a "stranger" that has become woven into the fabric of the Lingle heritage
• The wonderful gift of a legacy of friendship and learning at Hershey Christian School 
• A final middle school girls basketball season ( where I was honored to coach Sleepy) ending in excellence
• The gift of selfless, and giving friends and family as we prepared for our transition south
• A month of meals gifted to our family during our transition stage
• Great new house that is slowly becoming a home
• Reliable mail service that carries greetings from afar
• A beautiful new (free) kitchen (about 2 years ahead of schedule) 
• Air travel that gets us, and our friends and family quickly between PA and FL
• Involvement in a church that speaks truth, in love
• Sleepy's involvement in an internship at the above mentioned church 
• Happy's success at the Hershey Laundry volunteer program
• Doc's move "home" to sunny Florida
• Dopey's new job
• Sneezy's job at a local day care
• Happy landing a position on the high school JV soccer team as second goalie
• Bashful entering the technology program and competing in districts
• Sneezy's acceptance at the local college for the second half of her  academic senior year
• Sleepy's success in the competitive portion of the JROTC, Raiders 
• The excitement of adding another son to the family through Doc's engagement 
• Happy, Bashful and Grumpy's rediscovered love of fishing.
• Sunshine, sunshine, and more sunshine
• Being 30 minutes tops from the beach by car
• Manna from heaven that stocked our pantry
• Technology that affords us the ability to keep in touch with our family and friends with ease
• Friends, family and more friends that continue to gather around our 12 foot table, even though we moved it 1100 miles
•  New relationships growing and forming for all family members
• God's sufficient  provisions - for just what we need, when we need it

We are yet again humbled, for the gift of each and everyone in our lives, for the imprint that you leave on our hearts and minds.  Never do we want to take for granted the hard work, the shared tears, the many laughs, nor for your investment of time in our lives through sharing, teaching, and multitudes of prayer. 

May you and your family be blessed as we enter into this new year!  Take joy in the knowledge that trials are to grow us,  not break us.  Opportunities to serve others before ourselves are available at every turn in the road.  The manner in which you have impacted our family is significant and meaningful.  Wishing you and yours the very best for a healthy, happy New Year!

An update on our house guest

I suppose over all, the transition of the great grandmother into the kingdom, has been smooth.  In reality, I believe she thought since she was here on vacation, that we were also going to be on vacation. Sadly, life does not stop in the kingdom and for whatever it is worth, I think she is starting to recognize that.

The transition while relatively smooth has not been without it's bumps in the road.  One whole room of living space on the first floor is now just her space..."the Nan Cave". We still scratch our heads as she blow dries her hand washed clothing with a hair dryer, when we offer free laundry services, and while the pace of the kingdom has slowed to the speed of a heard of turtles mucking through peanut butter when we go out and about... things could be significantly worse.

Here are just a few "moments" in time from this past week in response to all the notes and messages I have been receiving about how things are going with Nan in the kingdom.   :)

I was not sure at what point my home would reach saturation point. You know the point when you do not notice a odd non- Lingle in the midst of the daily chaos.   Today at about 2:30, upon my arrival  from school with a van full of kids, our total head count of dwarfs that call me mom, or friends of a dwarf that call me mom, in kingdom rose to 11.   Today as the various rooms of the house were filled with  piles of dwarfs doing a myriad of activities.  In strolls Nan.  She walks up to the dwarf at the kitchen table, sitting doing his homework, and asks when he got his glasses, she really likes them.  (Alone, a very nice thing to say when starting a conversation.) However what makes this a funny is that she thought that the dwarf at the table was Happy!!   The response of the Non- Lingle dwarf was nonchalant, and appropriate, and he politely played along,  however the remainder of the dwarfs in the room next door stifled giggles a plenty.  Saturation point is reached quickly when you add a 90 year old to the bunch.  We are not sure any longer about her vision...

It seems that there is a very large conspiracy in the kingdom!   We call it the Great Whisper Conspiracy.  Well actually we don't, Nan does.  If we have heard it 10 times, we have heard it a 100 times!   " You all whisper!"  "Why do you talk so softly?"   I think that the event that secured in our minds her lack of hearing was the night that we all were in the living room with the surround sound on watching Guardians of the Galaxy, and around 9:30PM she strolls in, and says in a shocked voice, "Oh, I am so surprised you are all up, it's so quiet here I assumed you went to bed."

We are all in the proverbial "dog house".  We lied to her.  We told her that the weather would be warm here.   It is not warm here it is freezing cold!  Now, I completely understand the whole thin blood thing, and being older... but every day from sun up to sun down, (and the sun has been out every day she has been here except one in two weeks)  the gal is never warm.  She is always cold and does not once pass on the opportunity to tell me that 70 degrees here is different than 70 degrees in PA!

We sat down the third day for dinner and she finally asked if we eat like this everyday?  Doc said, "you mean dinner Nan?"  "Yes, we eat dinner everyday of the week."  "Oh," was the response, followed by, "well I will never loose weight here eating like this everyday!"

 "What's wrong with Grumpy's arm that he has to wear that cast thing on his arm to play basketball?"  We all shook our heads and in unison, yelled "NOTHING, HE THINKS IT MAKES HIM LOOK COOL!"  and indeed that is why he wears his shooting sleeve everywhere he can!

She wanted to gift the dwarfs in the kingdom some cash for Christmas.  She set a dollar amount and told me what to give them all.  A couple days later provided me with the funds, but was off by $40.  The difficulty in explaining the math error is too great, so I am going to take the amount and divide it in my own creative way, and she will even get some change back from the exchange!

There is no way that you can make this stuff up! 

Silence is Golden... And SHOULD NEVER be taken for granted!

As you all know, I am a huge fan of silence! Good old fashioned peace and quiet.  Always, I consider my infrequent periods of silence as one of the greatest gifts of all times.  I look forward to the kids going to school and having the house to myself for whatever amount of time they are gone, with only the hum of  needed appliances running.   Do not misunderstand, the laughter of children, the chatter of dear friends, music in the background all have their place in life.  But when it comes down to it, you will never catch me turning on the television to "keep me company".  Driving in the car, with the radio on has to be under specific conditions.  They are as follows, a bright sunny warm day, all the windows down, the sunroof open and the my favorite country song blaring through my speakers.    Otherwise, the radio is off.   I am relishing the quiet. 

I suppose that you could assume, and logically so that my aversion to noise is a relatively new, but it is not.  I have always enjoyed peace and quiet.  It has just been elevated in its importance as we increased the number of noise makers in our home!

This past Sunday, I had the distinct pleasure of blessing the woman that is the proud grandmother to the Prince and the great grandmother to the dwarfs, with a personal escort to our new home in Florida for an open ended visit... 

Since her mostly smooth transition into our home, the item that is pushing me further and faster to the crazy crabby woman that I desire not to be, is the noise that has come to this house since her arrival.  From the time she awakes and most times in between, the background noise of the television is heard from one end of the house to the other.   

What I find to be even more laughter inducing, is that she has no ability to work any part of the remote control and television, EXCEPT the up volume button.   

Many times in the last three days (yes it has only been three days), I have gone in or past the "nan" cave and just nudged the remote volume button down a few clicks, only to come back to the other side of the house to  hear the commercials for awkward medical conditions as clear as if there were a television on in the room of which I am standing.   

I may be doing a lot of errand running in the upcoming weeks, for the sole purpose of peace and quiet!

You Really Can't Make this Stuff UP! 

Concrete Thinkers

I am sure that many of you with toddlers, preschoolers and even early elementary age children know of what I speak when I say concrete thinkers.

I however have the unique opportunity to parent a dwarf that is physically WAY past this stage of learning, but because of the consequences of his biological mother's poor choices while she was pregnant with him, he is stuck, knee deep in concrete.   Since I always seem surprised by the look of confusion, and the slack jaw...  I thought, without divulging which 15 year old male dwarf this is :),  I would share some of the more recent "concrete" moments.

When discussing a basketball game played at 3 Rivers (Stadium) was the word he missed, we had to pull out the laptop, and physically search for coverage of the game in question, and a photo of the stadium, surrounded by land,  because he thought that the game was played on a barge on the actual river water. 

When discussing a man that we were about to meet for the first time, and indicating that the man's identifying feature was his salt and pepper hair... the conversation got a little confused because of course we know what salt and pepper are, but why would they be in someone's hair...

In a conversation about a "broken" alarm clock, it was difficult to explain that each time he unplugs the clock, on purpose or accidentally (because he sleeps with it beside his head) that the time on the clock automatically goes back to 12:00.  The clock is not broken.  In order for it to work, keep time it must be plugged in. Keeping time is not a job it just automatically does because it is a clock.  The appropriate power supply must be engaged.  (I suppose that this year a battery back up clock may be in order.)

On a recent day when we were having plumbing issues at the house and there was a moratorium on using the facilities for "number 2", I was struggling to figure out if he needed to use the bathroom, or if he just wanted to ride his bike to the Hess station.   I got a little short with him, to which he responded with "MOM, why are you angry?"  I tried to explain to him, that me having to deal with the plumbing problems,  would be similar to asking him to put on a tutu and dance in the Nutcracker... oh so many things went wrong with that analogy, but the biggest was the fact that he did not realize that a Nutcracker was a Christmas ballet... 

Phrases, like "dullest knife in the drawer", "Shut the front door", as a statement of astonishment, "cup of joe","you can't judge a book by it's cover"  make his head whirl.  Most times he can tell by the tone or inflections that we really do not want him to "bark up a tree" or "beat a dead horse" but the expression on his face is always priceless. 

I do rejoice that typically after the phrase is initially thrown out, and the slack face and confused eyes appear, we have successfully,  with one explanation or two, significantly explained the premise, so that he appears to understand next time he hears it... however a concrete thinker will never repeat these phrases in their vernacular because they would never be 100 % sure they were using it correctly. 

You really can't make this stuff up!

Bashful, giving others a good bashing???

Okay... "Mrs. Lingle, do you have a minute? " is always a sure fired way to get my attention.  Rarely, am I refereed to as " Mrs. Lingle".     It is the youth pastor asking if I have a moment, he has a concern about Bashful.   The pastor starts out the conversation, seemingly unsure how to present to me the information that he clearly feels he needs to share about Bashful.  I just indicate to him, that he is not going to upset me or hurt my feelings, as not much surprises me any more with these dwarfs of mine. Just say it.      

So the saga begins.  It seems that Bashful, is "bragging" during the youth gathering that morning, that he is getting into a lot of fights at school.  That the kids are starting things with him, but in a confident voice indicates, that he is ending them!  He is beating them up, cuffing them a "good one" and making them wish that they had not starting picking on him! When questioned further about the name of the his most recent victim of his fists of fury, Bashful, in an off the cuff  response, replies that he doesn't know that "ginger's " name, but that he really messed him up! 

The youth pastor is concerned and felt the need  to discuss this with us.  Understandable!  I am grateful.  I am sure that the pastor did not expect that I would laugh out loud at his recounting of this situation. But I did laugh. Out loud. While shaking my head, and most likely I threw in an eye roll at the crazy lunacy of the fabricated story.

I shared with him, after asking some clarifying questions of course,  that I was 99% sure that the whole story was an untruth.  The Prince and I  shared a good laugh about it  as we discussed the best way to handle this situation with Bashful, and spent rest of the morning until we were able to talk to him one on one,  referred to him as "slugger".  (I know we probably should have resisted the name calling, but stuff happens, don't judge!)

Rest assured, all you faint of heart, Bashful is not being bullied nor is he being a bully.  He just lives in a world where his reality is what he makes up.  Additionally that morning he was also  struggling with MROS - Mouth Runneth Over Syndrome.   

You really can't make this stuff up!  

She's living her dream.

Most of the dwarfs "talk" a lot about what they want to do when they grow up.  Being a professional athlete, a veterinarian, a mom, a life time learner, a hobo.  But talk is cheap as they say.  In order to obtain a goal, one must be passionate, motivated and focused in where they want to go, and on the path to get there.  One of the dwarfs has talked since she was 10 about a life of service in our country's military.  While we thought that it was a passing phase, we have come to the conclusion that after five years, perhaps there is a bit of motivation, passion and focus for Sleepy regarding this dream.  When we lived in PA we heard the rumors of JROTC programs, but because of funding cuts there were no local programs, not even one in driving distance for her to consider.

Fast forward to March of 2014.  After much prayer and consideration and more prayer, our family...that was firmly planted in Pennsylvania, prepared to pull up 40+ years of roots and transition to the sunshine state.  Immediately we began to pursue the school options in the area as we still had six dwarfs requiring a secondary education.  We looked at private Christian schools, of which many of the dwarfs were very comfortable and familiar with, as well as charter schools.  Sleepy immediately latched on to the Sarasota Military Academy as her school of choice.   We made appointments, filled out applications and paid registration fees.  She was ecstatic! A school that she could attend that would afford her the opportunities that she had been dreaming of for years!

Through a series of events, we ended up enrolling our 5 eldest dwarfs in the local public high school.  Sleepy was on the fence about this decision, but the swaying factor was that they offered JROTC as an elective.  She filled out her form for registration, with JROTC as her first choice of an elective, confident that she would be placed in the program.  The first day of school arrives and she is nearly in tears to find that she did not get placed in the elective of her choice.  After a series of meetings and moves to her schedule, we were also able to get her a space in the program about two weeks after the start of the school year.

The rest of the month of September and part of October were a blur as she found out that there was a competitive side to the program called Raiders.  It seems that all at once she went from a dwarf with nothing to do, to a dwarf that I needed to keep a tracking device on so I knew where to pick her up at the end of each day.  She had committed to basketball training, had started working out with the Raiders, and was interning at the church in the youth program.  Some days she would leave the house at 7am, attend classes, attend Raiders training, head to the gym on campus for weight training with the basketball team and then attend practice  until 8PM with the basketball team.  We began to see her joy slipping, and cautioned her about being in over her head.  As her parents, we asked her to pray through where her commitment should be and how she should prioritize spending her time.

During this time she was convicted to go to the basketball coach and her Raiders instructor and inform them that she could not practice on Wednesdays as her internship at the church had to be her focus on that day of the week.  Jesus came first in her life and that it was because of Him that she had the abilities that she did to do the other activities she enjoyed. She was informed that she would not be able to play in any of the fall ball games because they were on Wednesdays.  She never blinked an eye and kept faithfully attending practices through most of September and early October.  But she was still weary.  Finally, she came to the Prince and I asked if she could drop basketball. (rabbit trail for a moment) If you know us at all, you know we LOVE basketball at this house.  The prince coached for years, I have coached for years,  all of our kids but one, have played, some for years! Heck,  I played in a 3 on 3 tournament when I was 6 months pregnant with our eldest dwarf .... ouch ouch ouch. Drop basketball??? The reality was that she could not keep going at the rate that she was, and something had to go, so basketball it was. 

What she has done in her time since downsizing her activities and becoming focused on just the Raiders program and her internship at the church,  has shown me that she is already at 15 a stronger, more competitive, more compassionate, more humble, more gracious a young woman than I could have ever hoped for her to be.  I look at her in amazement when she arrives to my car at the end of practice, covered in dirt, sometimes blood, and sometimes in tears and think, "crazy girl... but boy that is some dedication".  I see her with her peers working together, encouraging one another, supporting one another, and am grateful for her maturity, and her ability to see and understand that this is not just about her.  There is a bigger picture. Relationships to be built, and a goal that individually, on their own, they can never achieve outside of the team.  I would be remiss, if I did not mention that while these students, in the 9th -12th grade are the ones physically doing the time and putting forth the efforts, clearly they are blessed with some great leadership.  Instructors that give their best to these kids and their job each day. Instructors that know how far to push to get the maximum results,yet know how to be an encouragement when the kids are "off their games".  As we were transitioning here, one of our biggest fears was taking the dwarfs from the comfortable cocoons that they had built up for themselves and dropping them into the unknown.  Our fears for the most part have been unfounded.

I do not have any experience or  knowledge of what is going on at these competitions, but I am learning.  It is fun to explore and experience these things with Sleepy.  Rope bridges, tire flipping, sandbags, liter carries, 5K's, well to be honest it all seems a bit intense to me.  However it seems to bring her great joy, and satisfaction! While the Prince spent  time  serving our country, it was before we were married, and I was oblivious to most of the details of the military life,  as my focus was relegated to running to the mailbox each day, looking for a love letter or a picture of his handsome self in uniform... so to say I have a lot to learn would be an understatement. I am slowly piecing it together, and figuring out!  Sleepy is young.  What her future holds is yet to be determined.  But for the girl, living her dream, it has been a great joy to watch her grow where she has been planted.  Bloom in the midst of struggles and difficulties of the transition, and rejoice with her in her in her triumphs!

It is in the moments such as these that I am so grateful that I don't have to make this stuff up!