Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Dwarf and the Axe !

This entry will go back a few weeks...but I believe that it is a story that I will remember for a long time, along with all Happy's bus mates, his teacher and his classmates!

Happy's morning routine is typically carried out in SLOW motion.  On this particular school day though he was up and out of bed, before his alarm went off, he was dressed and moved quickly through his breakfast and chores... certainly atypical of this young dwarf. 

As several of the other dwarfs and I are sitting at the breakfast table, we realize that suddenly our tongues and our mouths are tasting odd, and that there is an odd, strong, almost sickening odor coming from somewhere in the house.  This scent is flavoring what we are eating and drinking as we are inhaling it through out noses...

I hop up from the table and go to the stairs, I call up to Happy, the only dwarf up there, " Hey Happy, you okay??"  "Yea mom, I am okay."  But his voice is not coming from his room, or his bathroom...  so I begin to head up the stairs.  As my foot hits the third stair, my nostrils are assaulted by another blast of the smell. Immediately my head starts to hurt, my tongue is thicker and my nose is burning.  By the time I reach the landing and call out to Happy again, I feel as if I may pass out.

I figure by following the sounds of humming, that Happy is camped out in my bathroom, and as I round the corner to the master bedroom to the master bath, I run into a fog screen from an aerosol can. 

" Happy, have you been spraying your father's Axe body spray?", I ask as I have my face buried into the crook of my arm.  "No mom he says."  "Really???" , I reply, I can taste it, I am struggling to breathe in this space...I am going to ask you once more and I would like you to tell me the truth." 

So, yes indeed I repeat the question.  Now perhaps he is not hearing me correctly since now my eyes are watering and my nose and mouth are still buried in the crook of my arm, but would you believe, standing there in the fog of Axe, he continues to deny that he used the Prince's cologne. 

Now let me just say right now, I FIRMLY believe that teenage boys should take responsibility for their hygiene.  Pit music is a must! and Cologne would be fine, in appropriate doses and with the permission and consent of a parent.  Furthermore, I have a big problem with my son's smelling like my husband, that in my mind is just weird... 

But I digress, I ask him for the third time to tell me the truth please, as I point out the obvious ways that I KNOW he has illegally used the Prince's body spray,  and yes three times is the charm because he says that he did use it.  Did I mention that all the while his is nonchalantly combing his hair????

Now here is the quandary - I glance at the clock... it is now time for him to leave for the bus, if he stays to shower this all off, he will miss the bus and be late for school because I will not be able to take him in until the last dwarf gets on the bus at 8:30 .... so ... I have no choice but to send him off in a hurry, now to catch the bus. 

Little did I realize that this was the day of the return of his favorite teacher who had been out for a few weeks on leave.  Was Happy trying to impress her being a well dressed, groomed and fine smelling young man?  We will never know - but I guarantee that day everyone smelled him before they saw him, had to clear their throats in his presence without clearly understanding why, and maybe suffered from a mild headache that cleared once they got out into the fresh air....

This all happened before 7 am ...  you just can't make this stuff up!

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