Well today started out bright and early. The hubby and I were headed to the school of Doc's dreams, to "springboard" into the college experience with her, our eldest!
First of all I wonder, "Am I really old enough to have a child that is going to college?" Well yes, yes I am! Secondly I wondered about this university. With all the choices for higher education out there, we really stood back and let our eldest apply to, any and all schools of her choosing.
We tried to stay out of the mix, knowing that if she was accepted to schools that she was interested in, the chances of her actually attending classes and doing well would significantly increase!
Graduation was a great opportunity to beam with pride as I watched my eldest take yet another step towards becoming a wonderful, independent young woman. It was a chance to reflect, and laugh and cry. It was also a great opportunity to throw a BIG party! However in the midst of all that, I still did not really grasp the next stage, or the "big deal" about what is lying around the corner. In my mind, while it was the next logical step, I was concerned because I was not stressed about it or overly concerned per say.
College. Acceptance to her "dream" school. A new mailing address. Independent thinking. Making decisions without my input or insight or years of wisdom. (insert chuckle here) Was I as ready for this as I thought I was? Was Doc ready for this stage in life?
So backing up to our departure time for this "springboard" event...
4:45 am is a great time to go for a run, but not such a great time to go from lying down to sitting in a car for 2 1/2 hours... so I after some chatter, I find a semi- comfortable position in my seat and proceed to do what every good and concerned mother would do in this situation.... catch up on some sleep!
Now keep in mind this is my first trip to the university. Doc and her father have traveled this road together before, frankly on the way to many a vacation spots over the years, I have also traveled this road, however the purpose of this trip down 81 was to stop off and visit "our dream school" ...not continue on to another destination.
So off to sleep I go as slight and delicate snores coming from myself in the backseat (so I was informed) I wake just in time to change into my "walking" shoes, arriving in the parking lot of the university refreshed and in need of coffee at about 7:45 am. As we enter the parking lot we are greeted by a purple cheer-er... okay so there really is a name for them, they are OPA's - and throughout the day I would see many of these young adults in purple cheering us on to our next location, encouraging us with kind words, asking us if we needed assistance... as I begin to wonder, "Will Doc become one of these purple people in years to come?"
We are almost immediately split off from our first born. She is headed to do student registration and we are headed in the opposite direction for parent registration. We meet again to be herded into the auditorium for some combined welcoming information and a basic overview of the day.
So far my view of the campus has been limited, as has been my interaction with the the people other than other parents and the purple cheer squad. Yet I still am at peace. I feel comfortable. I think I like it here. The walk in from the parking lot was nice and scenic, but somewhat limited, and with a speed walker as a husband and an anxious child, there really was not time for taking in the beauty around me, that would just have to wait.
As far as I was able to capture in my time standing in the very long line to use the ladies restroom during breaks, this university prides itself on friendliness, and integrating the families and students into the fold as quickly as possible, and I don't just mean, writing the checks for tuition. Many of the "seasoned" moms in line stated that other universities just mailed details to their home for their student, there was no formal information day like this event, that here at this university, they went above and beyond what was expected to make sure everyone, parent and students, felt welcomed, informed and encouraged. We heard from an assortment of administration heads, and even the president of the university himself, regarding ways to be involved, the services at the school for us and our students. We got to eat lunch in the dining hall, that by the way is ranked #3 in the nation according to the Princeton review... and talk to staff and administrators in any area of the school where we were needing additional direction or assistance figuring things out.
Now being that this was my first experience at said university, really any university in over 20 years, I would say that I was significantly impressed! Once I was able to make it outside for a walk on the campus with my "sweet" tea, ( until that moment I forgot that I was down south!) I was able to see the beauty of this fully mature, well manicured, well maintained campus. No wonder Doc fell in love with it so many years ago! It really felt like an extension of home.
It would be an understatement to say that it was a long day. Six hours sitting in a car - 7 hours sitting in meetings is a lot of sitting for such a beautiful day as yesterday. But the trip was such a blessing to this mom. My soul is at peace, not only about the choice that my daughter has made, and may I say, all by herself, but also in the location, the facilities, the administration and staff, the fellow students....and the fact that she is ready for this new stage in her life!
But more importantly, I don't have to feel guilty about NOT being anxious or concerned about her being ready for this transition now that I fully grasp and understand it ! As I indicated, earlier my sleep on the way to the campus, was born out of comfort knowing that Doc is prepared, socially, academically, spiritually for this next phase in her life.
The day just secured those facts in my mind as well as a few others that I had been thinking but was hesitant to say out loud for fear of sounding harsh and unkind. But thanks to the purple OPA's I feel free to express even these thougths in love and with a smile to my adult daughter as she heads out to university:
No, I will not send money - You should get a job!
No, you do not need your car - take the free bus that runs on and off campus!
I am sorry you don't feel well, have you tried washing your sheets?
It was great to hear over and over again that there is no room at this campus for helicopter parents! That I do not need to feel guilty because I am not overly anxious, or concerned about how Doc will manage without me, because she is doing that already.
I am proud of her and of the young woman that we have raised. Here is a cheer to the future!
GO Dukes!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
It is all starting to click!
This week has been filled with many of the same, very typical issues as any other week. However in the midst of the mundane, there has been a glimmer of hope! A ray that has burst through at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected way... Happy is starting to "get it" Get what you may be wondering... and rightly so. Each dwarf, with their multitude of issues does leave one scratching their head wondering!
I have been contacted twice this week by Happy's teacher who is amazed and encouraged by the transformation in young Happy. It is important to remember that he is 13 as you read this, because you may think that this is the youngest of the dwarfs.... but the milestone is a big one and one that we are celebrating along with his teacher!!
This is the second email in two consecutive days, and for those of you that personally know Happy, this is huge, because he still struggles to remember his phone number and address!
Good evening! I had to write again and tell you about Happy's reading class! His enthusiasm for reading has been tremendous! Typically he takes his time coming back to the table for small group, finding all items out of place, and placing them in there appropriate place; finding where the "action" is, rather than promptly finding his way to my table. Today he was the first one back, had his materials ready and open to the correct page, had my book ready and open, and was encouraging his group members to quickly join him... He was eager and ready to learn! He volunteered for every opportunity to read and respond! He knew every answer and read beautifully; again multisyllabic words with prefixes and suffixes! He was beaming!!! His enthusiasm encouraged his group mates to volunteer and read to perfection. Happy was actually assisting the others in sounding out words and was offering "strategies" to the decoding of words! I was SPEECHLESS!!! He knew all the strategies I have been reinforcing all year! Your beloved son brought streams of joyful reward down my face! Today was one of those "I am so proud to teach children with special needs" moments! Moments I wish I could capture and bottle up and share with their families. Such an honor it is to educate your son. He is a BLESSING in MY life. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of his.
With love and honor,
Just wanted to share in this milestone! Because you just can't make this stuff up!
I have been contacted twice this week by Happy's teacher who is amazed and encouraged by the transformation in young Happy. It is important to remember that he is 13 as you read this, because you may think that this is the youngest of the dwarfs.... but the milestone is a big one and one that we are celebrating along with his teacher!!
This is the second email in two consecutive days, and for those of you that personally know Happy, this is huge, because he still struggles to remember his phone number and address!
Good evening! I had to write again and tell you about Happy's reading class! His enthusiasm for reading has been tremendous! Typically he takes his time coming back to the table for small group, finding all items out of place, and placing them in there appropriate place; finding where the "action" is, rather than promptly finding his way to my table. Today he was the first one back, had his materials ready and open to the correct page, had my book ready and open, and was encouraging his group members to quickly join him... He was eager and ready to learn! He volunteered for every opportunity to read and respond! He knew every answer and read beautifully; again multisyllabic words with prefixes and suffixes! He was beaming!!! His enthusiasm encouraged his group mates to volunteer and read to perfection. Happy was actually assisting the others in sounding out words and was offering "strategies" to the decoding of words! I was SPEECHLESS!!! He knew all the strategies I have been reinforcing all year! Your beloved son brought streams of joyful reward down my face! Today was one of those "I am so proud to teach children with special needs" moments! Moments I wish I could capture and bottle up and share with their families. Such an honor it is to educate your son. He is a BLESSING in MY life. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of his.
With love and honor,
Just wanted to share in this milestone! Because you just can't make this stuff up!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The Eggs, Oh how tempting!
Okay - here is the situation - every year we make 100's of Peanut Butter, Butter Cream and Coconut Easter Eggs, it is just what we do....
And it is a long process that usually involves me finishing the storage and pack of the eggs the next day - hence leaving a host of eggs at the "ready" in the garage...
Last year we had issues with the one of the dwarfs touching them all. We had small finger prints in the fresh chocolate and no one would lay claim to them, so in my typical style I went dwarf by dwarf and held fingers up to the prints until I had a match --- Winner, Bashful.
Well this year the tale is the same - much work, many eggs and residual eggs hanging out in the garage. This morning at about 6:45 am I hear the screen door to the garage banging. It is important to say that there are no small people allowed up at our house on the weekends until 7am....
So grumbling I haul myself out of bed to figure out who and why they are up before the agreed upon time.
I come downstairs to see Happy, in the kitchen. "Good Morning Son... Do you know what time it is, he reads the time to me from the digital clock on the stove, 6:55" he says. Okay I ask him to repeat the rule to me about what time to get up. " It is almost 7 he says." To which I am thrilled to hear that he is capturing the essence of time telling. "yes, I agree it is almost 7, but the deal is you stay in bed until 7."
Now while I am making my coffee and chatting with Happy, I see that there is something on his lip. So I ask him what he was doing in the garage. "I was checking to see if we have more milk" "Did we?" I ask. "Yes" he says. What did you have for breakfast? You have food on your face. "Umm stammers Happy, Cereal? I had some cereal." Well the coffee pot is by the sink, so I glance in the sink --- I know this is going to shock you, but there is NO cereal bowl in the sink, No cereal containers out on the counter and no milk drippings on the table... so Happy DID NOT have cereal.
During this time he wipes away the evidence and now I don't know what was on his lips, but I have a hunch - so I ask him to come over to me and open his mouth. He wont open very wide, so I force his jaws open only to see that his back molars are filled with a dark substance.
So I say to the boy - were you eat ting Peanut butter eggs in the garage this morning??? NO he says.
I make him sit in a chair and re think his story, while I go fill in the Prince on the details... Shockingly enough Happy stands firm in his lie for over 30 minutes... and when he finally confesses that he ate the eggs in the garage, he is angry that he cant have what he wants to eat when he wants to ---
You know that funny thing about this is, if he had told the truth, I would not have been mad. Moreover, if he had asked for an egg, I would have let him eat one, because that is what I was thinking about when I came down for my morning cup of coffee... a delicious peanut butter egg and a hot cup of coffee for breakfast would be so delicious...
Needless to say Happy has no egg privileges today - maybe even tomorrow for lying and lying and lying some more about his sneaking eggs in the garage for breakfast this morning ----
Really you can't make this stuff up!
And it is a long process that usually involves me finishing the storage and pack of the eggs the next day - hence leaving a host of eggs at the "ready" in the garage...
Last year we had issues with the one of the dwarfs touching them all. We had small finger prints in the fresh chocolate and no one would lay claim to them, so in my typical style I went dwarf by dwarf and held fingers up to the prints until I had a match --- Winner, Bashful.
Well this year the tale is the same - much work, many eggs and residual eggs hanging out in the garage. This morning at about 6:45 am I hear the screen door to the garage banging. It is important to say that there are no small people allowed up at our house on the weekends until 7am....
So grumbling I haul myself out of bed to figure out who and why they are up before the agreed upon time.
I come downstairs to see Happy, in the kitchen. "Good Morning Son... Do you know what time it is, he reads the time to me from the digital clock on the stove, 6:55" he says. Okay I ask him to repeat the rule to me about what time to get up. " It is almost 7 he says." To which I am thrilled to hear that he is capturing the essence of time telling. "yes, I agree it is almost 7, but the deal is you stay in bed until 7."
Now while I am making my coffee and chatting with Happy, I see that there is something on his lip. So I ask him what he was doing in the garage. "I was checking to see if we have more milk" "Did we?" I ask. "Yes" he says. What did you have for breakfast? You have food on your face. "Umm stammers Happy, Cereal? I had some cereal." Well the coffee pot is by the sink, so I glance in the sink --- I know this is going to shock you, but there is NO cereal bowl in the sink, No cereal containers out on the counter and no milk drippings on the table... so Happy DID NOT have cereal.
During this time he wipes away the evidence and now I don't know what was on his lips, but I have a hunch - so I ask him to come over to me and open his mouth. He wont open very wide, so I force his jaws open only to see that his back molars are filled with a dark substance.
So I say to the boy - were you eat ting Peanut butter eggs in the garage this morning??? NO he says.
I make him sit in a chair and re think his story, while I go fill in the Prince on the details... Shockingly enough Happy stands firm in his lie for over 30 minutes... and when he finally confesses that he ate the eggs in the garage, he is angry that he cant have what he wants to eat when he wants to ---
You know that funny thing about this is, if he had told the truth, I would not have been mad. Moreover, if he had asked for an egg, I would have let him eat one, because that is what I was thinking about when I came down for my morning cup of coffee... a delicious peanut butter egg and a hot cup of coffee for breakfast would be so delicious...
Needless to say Happy has no egg privileges today - maybe even tomorrow for lying and lying and lying some more about his sneaking eggs in the garage for breakfast this morning ----
Really you can't make this stuff up!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I May Have Set A Record
Typically I expect that perhaps I will get one or two dings on my vehicles in a year's time, but this year, three of the four Lingle vehicles have experiences some type of minor or major incident. Of course none of them the 20+ year old Subaru that my prince loves and enjoys so much...
Early in the fall I was on the WEST shore, YIKES, lost as I usually am there, so in my haste to reposition myself into a turning lane, I accidentally bumped into a man that was already in the turning lane... He was "just going for a sandwich" there was minor (and that is too big of a description of the situation) damage done and even when the police officer arrived he laughed at the man to taking the time to call for such a situation. This was in Faith's car.
Fast forward to December when we bought a great little white Nissan for me to drive around town... one owner previously, garage kept, great stereo, heated leather seats, sun roof - ah the life! Well 9days before we could remove the 3 month registration sticker from the rear window, a woman leaving an ally and crossing over a lane of oncoming traffic ran right into the front of my sweet little white car. (Insert sad face here) The police officer said that I can drive it home that it did not need towed and sited her and on we went.
After two weeks of dealing with insurance, and estimates etc it was determined that they were just going to total the car - but we just got the car... so upon further investigation we were able to find that we could take the total check - purchase a salvage license and take the car to the body shop or our choice - and have the repairs done - which is what we did - we had a rental for about two weeks and our car was done in about 3 weeks and so not even two weeks ago we picked up our car from the body shop !
Last week on the way to cooking class - in my 15 passenger Van - a lady traveling behind me, claiming to have not seen me, rear- ended me. Causing damage to the rear of my van and destroying her vehicle totally. I am sure she was not going 15 mph like she told the police!! Because the total in repairs to this vehicle is $3,800 ... Now the part about these accidents is that they really can disrupt one's day and or week!
Not only was I late to work that night - the next day, I felt like I had been hit by a MAC truck - significant muscle relaxers have helped make me feel a bit better during the day, ex rays indicated nothing was broken, and the lesson that I learned here, is that for all the years that I used to make fun of people in fender benders wearing neck braces and going to physical therapy, I now have been hit with enough force to make my body revolt.
In all praising God for his provisions of kids that were kept safe, and equipment that was in the back of the van unharmed, and that a good friend driving by could bless me and another could come help me get set up for class that night!
Really though? Two accidents in 9 weeks??? You just can't make this stuff up!
Early in the fall I was on the WEST shore, YIKES, lost as I usually am there, so in my haste to reposition myself into a turning lane, I accidentally bumped into a man that was already in the turning lane... He was "just going for a sandwich" there was minor (and that is too big of a description of the situation) damage done and even when the police officer arrived he laughed at the man to taking the time to call for such a situation. This was in Faith's car.
Fast forward to December when we bought a great little white Nissan for me to drive around town... one owner previously, garage kept, great stereo, heated leather seats, sun roof - ah the life! Well 9days before we could remove the 3 month registration sticker from the rear window, a woman leaving an ally and crossing over a lane of oncoming traffic ran right into the front of my sweet little white car. (Insert sad face here) The police officer said that I can drive it home that it did not need towed and sited her and on we went.
After two weeks of dealing with insurance, and estimates etc it was determined that they were just going to total the car - but we just got the car... so upon further investigation we were able to find that we could take the total check - purchase a salvage license and take the car to the body shop or our choice - and have the repairs done - which is what we did - we had a rental for about two weeks and our car was done in about 3 weeks and so not even two weeks ago we picked up our car from the body shop !
Last week on the way to cooking class - in my 15 passenger Van - a lady traveling behind me, claiming to have not seen me, rear- ended me. Causing damage to the rear of my van and destroying her vehicle totally. I am sure she was not going 15 mph like she told the police!! Because the total in repairs to this vehicle is $3,800 ... Now the part about these accidents is that they really can disrupt one's day and or week!
Not only was I late to work that night - the next day, I felt like I had been hit by a MAC truck - significant muscle relaxers have helped make me feel a bit better during the day, ex rays indicated nothing was broken, and the lesson that I learned here, is that for all the years that I used to make fun of people in fender benders wearing neck braces and going to physical therapy, I now have been hit with enough force to make my body revolt.
In all praising God for his provisions of kids that were kept safe, and equipment that was in the back of the van unharmed, and that a good friend driving by could bless me and another could come help me get set up for class that night!
Really though? Two accidents in 9 weeks??? You just can't make this stuff up!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sneezy's Series of Unfortunate Events!
Okay - after today, my prince has a new title to the book that he is writing.
Isn't Life RAD?? Living with Reactive Attachment Disorder Children
Now you may wonder what is RAD... good question, the short answer is this:
Reactive attachment disorder is when infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers. A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected, abused, or moved multiple times from one caregiver to another. Because the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met, he or she never establishes loving and caring attachments with others. This may permanently alter the child's growing brain and hurt their ability to establish future relationships. Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition.
But your next question will be, What does this look like on a daily basis? This is far more complicated and is unique to each child that suffers from the diagnosis. We have two children with this, and it presents differently in each one.
But for Sneezy and her several days of unfortunate events... when it all came to a head, it looked like this...
As always, a bit of background...Sneezy is on the cusp of being a young woman, and for all intensive purposes is, the issues that prevent her or us from taking this giant leap into young adulthood his her inability to know how to correctly behave is social situations, how to properly engage in conversations, in person or electronically.
And so the story begins... Sneezy wanted a Facebook account. The Prince and I are hesitant because of her inability to observe what most would consider a normal understanding of social graces and the natural ability to know that you don't comment on every photo, every wall post etc. We did acquiesce and allow her to open an email account for the purpose of communicating with teachers, checking grades, and getting updates on school happenings and schedules. (and as a gauge as to how she would handle the responsibility that went along with having an email account) The Prince and I have the pass code and we are able to monitor her account, and things have been going well. So for her 14th birthday we purchased an Ipod for her (you know the fancy kind with the touch screen and wireless Internet.) which we got used from a reliable source and have been monitoring her time on that as well. However recently, we were noticing that she was obsessing with texting (using the free texting app) that she downloaded, as well as a general over use of the Ipod.
So now we are all current, Sneezy went away on Friday after school and while she was gone, her Ipod goes off and she has a facebook message... I say something to the Prince, asking if he gave Sneezy permission to open a facebook account. He says no. I say well she just got a notification that she has a message... The Prince says we will talk to her in the morning..
Fast forward to Saturday Morning after breakfast, and we ask her about her Facebook account, which she denies having... really we say, since you got a new message notification on your IPod while you were away last night, it would seem you have a facebook. " OOOhhh that..." she draws out, "ummmm... well I share an account with a friend. Oh, we say... this is not acceptable, you have gone behind our backs and have been deceptive about this, so you need to cut all ties to this account, and hand over your Ipod for a week. In a huff, she says "FINE." Whatever, I didn't really want an account anyhow." (RAD response: to lie about what you really want to make it seem like you don't care about the situation)
So my Prince says while we have Sneezy's undivided attention, do you have any other "new" accounts we should be aware of? "No." Prince pushes further, no email accounts, no other facebook accounts, nothing new? "Nope" .
Now it is important to note that there is no one else in ear shot of this conversation.... this will be important later... we wrap up, she hands over her IPod and we move on with the day -- (RAD response: no remorse, no desire to "make things right" the reaction is to pretend the incident never happened)
So fast forward to Sunday: Our exchange student gets in the van to go to church, excitedly looks over her shoulder and says to Sneezy, " I find you on facebook, I request to be your friend, when you get facebook?" "What? Who did you request to be your friend? I inquire as we are driving towards the church. What was her full name because, our Sneezy does NOT have a facebook.... Sneezy Lingle, I find her on someone elses friend list, I request her."
Oh my, there must be a mistake I say to the exchange student. So please show me the friend acceptance and the account attached to it when you get confirmation please.
All the while in the rear view mirror Sneezy's face goes through about 16 color changes of red...all the while blubbering about how she does NOT have a facebook.
So after church Sneezy and Sleepy head out to the great outdoors for the afternoon with a friend, and I, and a friend turn into Internet sleuths... hacking facebook accounts, which we still have no understanding of what happened... but to summarize - Sneezy in a series of very unfortunate events created a ghost account, hid it from the Prince and I as well as her big sister Doc. But because she could not hide all people, and could not spell the exchange students name, the exchange student could access her... (RAD response: inability to think things through to a logical conclusion, which is that eventually on someones Facebook friend list, someone who knew she should not have an account would see her.)
Well at the end of the day, Sneezy and the Prince and I sit down to have a conversation about the situation. Now please remember it is just a discussion about telling the truth in all things, and that when you lie it breaks trust, and to point out that she had ample opportunity on Saturday to tell the whole truth but how one lie snowballs into more lies until you are caught in an avalance of lies that burry you alive (okay that visual was for all of you without RAD or processing disorders, because had we said all that Sneezy's head would have been spinning.)
So I sit at the laptop and tell Sneezy to log into her Facebook account... so she starts typing in an email address that is not her gmail account. And feigns not knowing her password... but is she pretending or is this part of the series of unfortunate events... so we log on to the home page for hotmail and she tries to log in there - however her account is frozen because of too many unsuccessful log in attempts (and not by me that afternoon, because I hacked her account through her gmail email. ) So now it seems that Sneezy went to a lot of work to create on the sly, an account both in hotmail and facebook, that she could not use or access, because she did not write down the passwords... um... would that be the chastening of the Lord for being disobedient to her parents???
Now here is the RAD part --- the focus we are trying to discuss is the issue of sin in her life (lying and being deceitful) but because of her issues the wall goes up, the emotions leave her (except anger and irrational thought; if that qualifies as an emotional response) and the conversation swings with more drama and unrelated events than a weekday soap opera... from we are not caring enough parents, to we are all up in her business and need to not care so much, to we are ruining her dreams, to she wants to work at McDonald's all her life. If she got pregnant we would kill her and her baby, she wants to go to college now, but we will never let her leave our house to she is leaving and we can't stop her. Why would she waste time talking to us because we are not her real parents... well I guess you get the idea.
To all of this I sit shaking my head, rationally trying to talk to an irrational child, who is a broken and cracked vessle that the Lord, almost 8 years ago placed in my heart and home to love forever. Feeling like I am failing to be able to prepare her for the basic situations in life, where she will be faced with consequences from poor choices, confrontations with others asking her to do something different or not do something at all... wondering if we are getting through at all.
Again, no connection, no remorse and today 24 hours later, it is as if the conversation never happened, as if she never had electronics or the right to use them in our home, not a thought in her mind, that she broke a bond of trust, that she unknowingly spent so much time and energy building; by going behind our backs and doing what she wanted....
So I once again offer this snap shot of life with a big sigh, and a humble recognition that you can't make this stuff up....and often giggle to myself to think that God placed all this in my hands because He thinks I am more than capable of all things through HIM who strengthens me....
Isn't Life RAD?? Living with Reactive Attachment Disorder Children
Now you may wonder what is RAD... good question, the short answer is this:
Reactive attachment disorder is when infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers. A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected, abused, or moved multiple times from one caregiver to another. Because the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met, he or she never establishes loving and caring attachments with others. This may permanently alter the child's growing brain and hurt their ability to establish future relationships. Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition.
But your next question will be, What does this look like on a daily basis? This is far more complicated and is unique to each child that suffers from the diagnosis. We have two children with this, and it presents differently in each one.
But for Sneezy and her several days of unfortunate events... when it all came to a head, it looked like this...
As always, a bit of background...Sneezy is on the cusp of being a young woman, and for all intensive purposes is, the issues that prevent her or us from taking this giant leap into young adulthood his her inability to know how to correctly behave is social situations, how to properly engage in conversations, in person or electronically.
And so the story begins... Sneezy wanted a Facebook account. The Prince and I are hesitant because of her inability to observe what most would consider a normal understanding of social graces and the natural ability to know that you don't comment on every photo, every wall post etc. We did acquiesce and allow her to open an email account for the purpose of communicating with teachers, checking grades, and getting updates on school happenings and schedules. (and as a gauge as to how she would handle the responsibility that went along with having an email account) The Prince and I have the pass code and we are able to monitor her account, and things have been going well. So for her 14th birthday we purchased an Ipod for her (you know the fancy kind with the touch screen and wireless Internet.) which we got used from a reliable source and have been monitoring her time on that as well. However recently, we were noticing that she was obsessing with texting (using the free texting app) that she downloaded, as well as a general over use of the Ipod.
So now we are all current, Sneezy went away on Friday after school and while she was gone, her Ipod goes off and she has a facebook message... I say something to the Prince, asking if he gave Sneezy permission to open a facebook account. He says no. I say well she just got a notification that she has a message... The Prince says we will talk to her in the morning..
Fast forward to Saturday Morning after breakfast, and we ask her about her Facebook account, which she denies having... really we say, since you got a new message notification on your IPod while you were away last night, it would seem you have a facebook. " OOOhhh that..." she draws out, "ummmm... well I share an account with a friend. Oh, we say... this is not acceptable, you have gone behind our backs and have been deceptive about this, so you need to cut all ties to this account, and hand over your Ipod for a week. In a huff, she says "FINE." Whatever, I didn't really want an account anyhow." (RAD response: to lie about what you really want to make it seem like you don't care about the situation)
So my Prince says while we have Sneezy's undivided attention, do you have any other "new" accounts we should be aware of? "No." Prince pushes further, no email accounts, no other facebook accounts, nothing new? "Nope" .
Now it is important to note that there is no one else in ear shot of this conversation.... this will be important later... we wrap up, she hands over her IPod and we move on with the day -- (RAD response: no remorse, no desire to "make things right" the reaction is to pretend the incident never happened)
So fast forward to Sunday: Our exchange student gets in the van to go to church, excitedly looks over her shoulder and says to Sneezy, " I find you on facebook, I request to be your friend, when you get facebook?" "What? Who did you request to be your friend? I inquire as we are driving towards the church. What was her full name because, our Sneezy does NOT have a facebook.... Sneezy Lingle, I find her on someone elses friend list, I request her."
Oh my, there must be a mistake I say to the exchange student. So please show me the friend acceptance and the account attached to it when you get confirmation please.
All the while in the rear view mirror Sneezy's face goes through about 16 color changes of red...all the while blubbering about how she does NOT have a facebook.
So after church Sneezy and Sleepy head out to the great outdoors for the afternoon with a friend, and I, and a friend turn into Internet sleuths... hacking facebook accounts, which we still have no understanding of what happened... but to summarize - Sneezy in a series of very unfortunate events created a ghost account, hid it from the Prince and I as well as her big sister Doc. But because she could not hide all people, and could not spell the exchange students name, the exchange student could access her... (RAD response: inability to think things through to a logical conclusion, which is that eventually on someones Facebook friend list, someone who knew she should not have an account would see her.)
Well at the end of the day, Sneezy and the Prince and I sit down to have a conversation about the situation. Now please remember it is just a discussion about telling the truth in all things, and that when you lie it breaks trust, and to point out that she had ample opportunity on Saturday to tell the whole truth but how one lie snowballs into more lies until you are caught in an avalance of lies that burry you alive (okay that visual was for all of you without RAD or processing disorders, because had we said all that Sneezy's head would have been spinning.)
So I sit at the laptop and tell Sneezy to log into her Facebook account... so she starts typing in an email address that is not her gmail account. And feigns not knowing her password... but is she pretending or is this part of the series of unfortunate events... so we log on to the home page for hotmail and she tries to log in there - however her account is frozen because of too many unsuccessful log in attempts (and not by me that afternoon, because I hacked her account through her gmail email. ) So now it seems that Sneezy went to a lot of work to create on the sly, an account both in hotmail and facebook, that she could not use or access, because she did not write down the passwords... um... would that be the chastening of the Lord for being disobedient to her parents???
Now here is the RAD part --- the focus we are trying to discuss is the issue of sin in her life (lying and being deceitful) but because of her issues the wall goes up, the emotions leave her (except anger and irrational thought; if that qualifies as an emotional response) and the conversation swings with more drama and unrelated events than a weekday soap opera... from we are not caring enough parents, to we are all up in her business and need to not care so much, to we are ruining her dreams, to she wants to work at McDonald's all her life. If she got pregnant we would kill her and her baby, she wants to go to college now, but we will never let her leave our house to she is leaving and we can't stop her. Why would she waste time talking to us because we are not her real parents... well I guess you get the idea.
To all of this I sit shaking my head, rationally trying to talk to an irrational child, who is a broken and cracked vessle that the Lord, almost 8 years ago placed in my heart and home to love forever. Feeling like I am failing to be able to prepare her for the basic situations in life, where she will be faced with consequences from poor choices, confrontations with others asking her to do something different or not do something at all... wondering if we are getting through at all.
Again, no connection, no remorse and today 24 hours later, it is as if the conversation never happened, as if she never had electronics or the right to use them in our home, not a thought in her mind, that she broke a bond of trust, that she unknowingly spent so much time and energy building; by going behind our backs and doing what she wanted....
So I once again offer this snap shot of life with a big sigh, and a humble recognition that you can't make this stuff up....and often giggle to myself to think that God placed all this in my hands because He thinks I am more than capable of all things through HIM who strengthens me....
Saturday, March 19, 2011
We are never to old to learn... or at least to see the world through a different lens!
So it has finally happened. Happy has a friend. We will call him Jester. There is a long sorted story behind how Jester and Happy got to this place. It would stand to reason that birds of a feather flock together, and it would seem that these two have more in common than one would think.
But let me start in the beginning: Happy has never really expressed an interest in having a friend, it would seem to me that surrounded by a pile of siblings, and a home that has a revolving door on the front and back for friends, family and neighbors to walk through has served him fine until this point.
Out of the blue, Happy says that he has plans to go to a school function with Jester. Well being that I am a mom that insists on planning and plotting every detail of the ten person family, I figured that I would ignore Happy's plea for this outing and eventually, he would forget about the event. NOPE. This was not to be the case, so when I got a phone message about the event, I again thought - I will let this ride, it will pass... NOPE. And as a side note, Happy is very content and rarely asks to do anything...so this mildly compelled me to pick up the phone and call to investigate said friend and trip to the school function.
As it turns out my good buddy Happy had the facts wrong... shocked? I am not. But I do the good mom thing and offer to take Jester and Happy to the event. I also offer to bring Jester home with us after school, and allow him to visit and have dinner with us prior to the event.
I am a bit puzzled about the whole situation as few things just did not add up... Jester's mom did not seem to be concerned about who I was, like am I an ax murderer, nor did she introduce herself. Now, I know that I am the atypical mom in some regards - I like to know all the details - the more details the better...she did not even give her name to me until the end of the conversation, when I asked her for it...
So now plans are set, and I am still scratching my head, puzzled over the fact that this child is in Happy's class, and Happy's class is filled with special needs kids, would you not think that she would even want to fill me in on Jester's needs, or if he had allergies... So I email Happy and Jester's teacher... ask some vague questions about their friendship, and if she can give me some information on what I can expect when I pick up the boys at school.
Her email back to me simply says, " Oh boy. I will call you if that is okay."
Now in the meantime, my Prince says to me that this situation that I find myself in, really is my own fault. I did not ask this woman for information about her son, so why am I upset that I don't have information about her son... well I guess that is a good point, but some parents are in denial about the special needs of their children, so I didn't ask because I didn't want to offend??? The conversation was already awkward enough, because all the conversation was one sided ( my side) and she gave one word responses... nothing additional... with many pregnant pauses...
"Were you planning on taking Jester and Happy to the event?" "No" " Would you like Happy and I to meet you at the event?" "NO" "can someone come get Jester after the event? " "NO" "Do you think Jester would like to come home after school with Happy and have dinner and then go to the show with us?" "Sure", "Can you send a note to school so I can pick up Jester?" "Yes" - I think you get the idea!
Well the appointed time rolls around on the clock and the teacher calls to give me the "skinny" on the situation. It is a sad story of a boy who much like Happy, adopted, later in life, been through a lot with a host of special needs. But as the story unfolds, I feel my heart being pricked towards ministering to this little boy.
The Prince and I discuss this over lunch and the decision is made to keep the plans for the day the same and love Jester like he was one of our own....
Promptly at 2:35 Happy and Jester stroll out to the car. Happy is extremely giddy, silly and sing songy as he calls me Mommy - O and rattles on about how I am the bestest mom in the whole world...
Now give me a minute to tell you what I was expecting to see when I picked up my lil' ol Happy and his little friend....this: someone slight in size like Happy, big smile on his face, hard to remember upon glancing at him that he is almost 14. (Happy could pass for your average 10 year old)
Here is what greets me... Happy, and a very tall, man-boy, with hair that he shaved himself , double the height and width of Happy.
Jester is very sweet and friendly, he offers to sit in the back seat, and I instruct Happy to sit with his friend... His reply " Yes Mommy - O "
Jester is obviously very self conscious about his self induced haircut, and says : "I cut my own hair, because I wanted a military cut. Do you think you could fix it for me ? I reply - well you look like you got most of it, and because I don't know your family very well, it would probably not be a good idea for me to fix it for you. Well could you let me use your scissors Jester inquires? Um no Jester, I don't think we will be using scissors today, but how about we go for some ice cream on this beautiful day?" So in a fit of child like giggles, the boys decide that ice cream would be a great treat..."Mommy - O"
So I pull into the convenience store, and point the boys in the direction of the Good Humor case, and go to refill my own beverage cup. Come back around see that the boys have decided that they are going to do everything the same, so they are both going to have drumsticks. We go to the counter to pay, and I send Happy for napkins, we pile into the car, windows down, head home. What transpired in the span of 2 miles and 6 minutes is still a mystery to me. By the time we pulled into the drive way, Jester is asking if I can help him get a stain out of his pants. But when he and Happy get out of the back of the car, they have ice cream on their faces, hands and all over their pants..not just one spot but smears every where...
In the house we go, all the while Jester being very concerned about not touching anything, because he doesn't want to get ice cream stains on it.... I have them wash their hands, they do but never touch their faces (why because I did not tell them too!) I give up on having Jester try to wipe off the chocolate on his tan pants and find an outfit for him to change into, and take his and Happy's clothing to the washer, 1/4 of a bottle of spray and wash later - and the washer is running!
Note to self... next time a nice refreshing beverage might be best!
In the meantime, Happy has to do dish before going out to play with Jester. Jester is cheerfully helping when I come down from the washing machine. Talking up a storm about how he and Happy should do everything together and how he can make him a bracelet, about his dogs and about his hair cut. Now it seems that one of the things that Jester is good at is telling the same story over and over again, AND Happy is great at listening to the story and smiling and nodding. Jester is the talker, Happy is the listener... and I start to think aren't all great friendships like that? One friend is always the talker and the other is always the listener!
Life lesson # 1 for the day - Ice cream is the glue that seals the friendship deal!
Life lesson #2 for the day - Good friends, balance each other out!
So the next activity they choose to do is go out and play... now Jester doesn't want to mess up his good shoes so he is trying to wear a pair of Happy's shoes... Remember the size difference... Happy is in a size 4 and Jester a 13 I note, when I glance inside his good shoes. Fortunately for Jester, Happy has a big footed brother and we can hook him up with a pair of shoes to wear to play in!
Life lesson #3 - Friendship is blind to the obvious differences that we each have... they wanted to be so much the same that there was no way in Jester's mind that he couldn't fit Happy's shoes!
To the outdoors we go! Now I will say at this point I am still unsure about what will happen if I am not an ever present sight for them while they are playing (not dissimilar to those days of small children learning to play alone, I sat on the fringe and watched, encouraged and cheered for them.)
At one point Happy was running with his hands full and with an untied sneaker... I cautioned him, slow down and tie that shoe before you trip... Jester, says to him... "stop I will help you", I think he is going to take the toys out of Happy's hand, but instead he bends down and ties his shoe for him.
Life lesson #4 - A friend does things for you that are sometimes hard for you to do.
So we played basketball - one time I counted 22 shots, not one went in...
Life lesson #5 - A friend encourages you to keep trying.
We jumped on the trampoline. We had to stop because there was a bee, but Jester swatted it away so that it would not sting Happy. And then they ran at top speed into safety.
Life lesson # 6 - Sometimes we do things for our friends that are scary.
We played more basketball, we had another snack and we played video games.
We had dinner, got dressed, we attended the event at the school, and we took Jester home.
While it is now very clear to me that birds of a feather DO flock together...I have to say, I learned a lot from Happy and Jester regarding friendship today. Sometimes, we just need to slow down, and look at things through a different lens...
Really, you can't make this stuff up. And today I am happy that I did not miss this time, or these life lessons taught to me by my special needs child and his first ever friend Jester.
But let me start in the beginning: Happy has never really expressed an interest in having a friend, it would seem to me that surrounded by a pile of siblings, and a home that has a revolving door on the front and back for friends, family and neighbors to walk through has served him fine until this point.
Out of the blue, Happy says that he has plans to go to a school function with Jester. Well being that I am a mom that insists on planning and plotting every detail of the ten person family, I figured that I would ignore Happy's plea for this outing and eventually, he would forget about the event. NOPE. This was not to be the case, so when I got a phone message about the event, I again thought - I will let this ride, it will pass... NOPE. And as a side note, Happy is very content and rarely asks to do anything...so this mildly compelled me to pick up the phone and call to investigate said friend and trip to the school function.
As it turns out my good buddy Happy had the facts wrong... shocked? I am not. But I do the good mom thing and offer to take Jester and Happy to the event. I also offer to bring Jester home with us after school, and allow him to visit and have dinner with us prior to the event.
I am a bit puzzled about the whole situation as few things just did not add up... Jester's mom did not seem to be concerned about who I was, like am I an ax murderer, nor did she introduce herself. Now, I know that I am the atypical mom in some regards - I like to know all the details - the more details the better...she did not even give her name to me until the end of the conversation, when I asked her for it...
So now plans are set, and I am still scratching my head, puzzled over the fact that this child is in Happy's class, and Happy's class is filled with special needs kids, would you not think that she would even want to fill me in on Jester's needs, or if he had allergies... So I email Happy and Jester's teacher... ask some vague questions about their friendship, and if she can give me some information on what I can expect when I pick up the boys at school.
Her email back to me simply says, " Oh boy. I will call you if that is okay."
Now in the meantime, my Prince says to me that this situation that I find myself in, really is my own fault. I did not ask this woman for information about her son, so why am I upset that I don't have information about her son... well I guess that is a good point, but some parents are in denial about the special needs of their children, so I didn't ask because I didn't want to offend??? The conversation was already awkward enough, because all the conversation was one sided ( my side) and she gave one word responses... nothing additional... with many pregnant pauses...
"Were you planning on taking Jester and Happy to the event?" "No" " Would you like Happy and I to meet you at the event?" "NO" "can someone come get Jester after the event? " "NO" "Do you think Jester would like to come home after school with Happy and have dinner and then go to the show with us?" "Sure", "Can you send a note to school so I can pick up Jester?" "Yes" - I think you get the idea!
Well the appointed time rolls around on the clock and the teacher calls to give me the "skinny" on the situation. It is a sad story of a boy who much like Happy, adopted, later in life, been through a lot with a host of special needs. But as the story unfolds, I feel my heart being pricked towards ministering to this little boy.
The Prince and I discuss this over lunch and the decision is made to keep the plans for the day the same and love Jester like he was one of our own....
Promptly at 2:35 Happy and Jester stroll out to the car. Happy is extremely giddy, silly and sing songy as he calls me Mommy - O and rattles on about how I am the bestest mom in the whole world...
Now give me a minute to tell you what I was expecting to see when I picked up my lil' ol Happy and his little friend....this: someone slight in size like Happy, big smile on his face, hard to remember upon glancing at him that he is almost 14. (Happy could pass for your average 10 year old)
Here is what greets me... Happy, and a very tall, man-boy, with hair that he shaved himself , double the height and width of Happy.
Jester is very sweet and friendly, he offers to sit in the back seat, and I instruct Happy to sit with his friend... His reply " Yes Mommy - O "
Jester is obviously very self conscious about his self induced haircut, and says : "I cut my own hair, because I wanted a military cut. Do you think you could fix it for me ? I reply - well you look like you got most of it, and because I don't know your family very well, it would probably not be a good idea for me to fix it for you. Well could you let me use your scissors Jester inquires? Um no Jester, I don't think we will be using scissors today, but how about we go for some ice cream on this beautiful day?" So in a fit of child like giggles, the boys decide that ice cream would be a great treat..."Mommy - O"
So I pull into the convenience store, and point the boys in the direction of the Good Humor case, and go to refill my own beverage cup. Come back around see that the boys have decided that they are going to do everything the same, so they are both going to have drumsticks. We go to the counter to pay, and I send Happy for napkins, we pile into the car, windows down, head home. What transpired in the span of 2 miles and 6 minutes is still a mystery to me. By the time we pulled into the drive way, Jester is asking if I can help him get a stain out of his pants. But when he and Happy get out of the back of the car, they have ice cream on their faces, hands and all over their pants..not just one spot but smears every where...
In the house we go, all the while Jester being very concerned about not touching anything, because he doesn't want to get ice cream stains on it.... I have them wash their hands, they do but never touch their faces (why because I did not tell them too!) I give up on having Jester try to wipe off the chocolate on his tan pants and find an outfit for him to change into, and take his and Happy's clothing to the washer, 1/4 of a bottle of spray and wash later - and the washer is running!
Note to self... next time a nice refreshing beverage might be best!
In the meantime, Happy has to do dish before going out to play with Jester. Jester is cheerfully helping when I come down from the washing machine. Talking up a storm about how he and Happy should do everything together and how he can make him a bracelet, about his dogs and about his hair cut. Now it seems that one of the things that Jester is good at is telling the same story over and over again, AND Happy is great at listening to the story and smiling and nodding. Jester is the talker, Happy is the listener... and I start to think aren't all great friendships like that? One friend is always the talker and the other is always the listener!
Life lesson # 1 for the day - Ice cream is the glue that seals the friendship deal!
Life lesson #2 for the day - Good friends, balance each other out!
So the next activity they choose to do is go out and play... now Jester doesn't want to mess up his good shoes so he is trying to wear a pair of Happy's shoes... Remember the size difference... Happy is in a size 4 and Jester a 13 I note, when I glance inside his good shoes. Fortunately for Jester, Happy has a big footed brother and we can hook him up with a pair of shoes to wear to play in!
Life lesson #3 - Friendship is blind to the obvious differences that we each have... they wanted to be so much the same that there was no way in Jester's mind that he couldn't fit Happy's shoes!
To the outdoors we go! Now I will say at this point I am still unsure about what will happen if I am not an ever present sight for them while they are playing (not dissimilar to those days of small children learning to play alone, I sat on the fringe and watched, encouraged and cheered for them.)
At one point Happy was running with his hands full and with an untied sneaker... I cautioned him, slow down and tie that shoe before you trip... Jester, says to him... "stop I will help you", I think he is going to take the toys out of Happy's hand, but instead he bends down and ties his shoe for him.
Life lesson #4 - A friend does things for you that are sometimes hard for you to do.
So we played basketball - one time I counted 22 shots, not one went in...
Life lesson #5 - A friend encourages you to keep trying.
We jumped on the trampoline. We had to stop because there was a bee, but Jester swatted it away so that it would not sting Happy. And then they ran at top speed into safety.
Life lesson # 6 - Sometimes we do things for our friends that are scary.
We played more basketball, we had another snack and we played video games.
We had dinner, got dressed, we attended the event at the school, and we took Jester home.
While it is now very clear to me that birds of a feather DO flock together...I have to say, I learned a lot from Happy and Jester regarding friendship today. Sometimes, we just need to slow down, and look at things through a different lens...
Really, you can't make this stuff up. And today I am happy that I did not miss this time, or these life lessons taught to me by my special needs child and his first ever friend Jester.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
What's in a Name???
Well I suppose I should start out by saying a name is a name right? Many names are same - but spelled differently:
Amy, Ami, Amie
Sarah, Sara
Catherine, Katherine
Karen, Caryn
Hence the most recent tale of our dwarf Grumpy...
Now it also bears reminding you the reader that Grumpy is not know for his ability to make good choices, or even to be able to see into the future regarding things that he has done on the fly or off the cuff as it were.
I will back track a bit for you so that you can get the whole history on this particular situation. Last week Grumpy came home from school on Thursday and was in a particulary fine mood. In the midst of the arriving home chaos, he choose to fly way under the momma radar and disappear upon entering our home. Often this happens as the kids always seem to wait to use the bathroom until they get home from school. I am welcoming the Behavioral Service Team to the house to work with Sleepy and Bashful, and after about 10 minutes realize that Grumpy is no where to be seen or heard.... Unusual to say the least - and at the most a good indicator that he is up to no good.
So I settle everyone into their assignments - and go off in search of Grumpy - not in his room, not in the bathroom, not outside. Head to the basement - TaDa ! there he is... watching TV which is an absolute no-no during the week. (His excuse is that because Sneezy is home sick and is watching TV, so should he be allowed) So I call him upstairs to get me his homework.
"Mom, I dont have any homework. |" That is funny I think to myself, because tomorrow is his spelling test. I instruct him to go out to the garage and get his backpack - he comes in with just his planner... can you say RED flag??? When the boy ignores a directive, it is ALWAYS because he is trying to avoid something.
I play his game - " Grumpy, I instructed you to get your back pack. Why did you only bring me the planner? " No response - I open the planner - now mind you he is supposed to write his assignmnets in everyday! and the last three days are blank ! So I say - this is amazing - no homework? Not even spelling ?
GO OUT TO THE GARAGE AND GET YOUR BACKPACK....now... Notice becuase I think he may have hearing issues- NOT! I speak loudly so that I make sure he can hear me ---
He returns 5 minutes later with a big attitude and an even bigger mess. We could officially change his dwarf name to Sloppy - but since that is not an option, I just wanted you to know that it would so fit in this particular moment.
I make him remove all the items from his messy back pack - we have papers flying around everywhere, tests that were supposed to be signed and returned, papers for me to read about upcoming events, but most importantly balled up in the bottom of the bag (becasause if you make something look like trash, magically it is!) two hit sheets --- one dated 13 days prior and one for 4 days prior.
"Hum..."I say to Grumpy - " what are these?" No response - "when were you going to give these to me?" "oh Today mom he says" Really ?? Doubtful since this one is 13 days overdue! His response - " Well I told my teacher you were holding them and refused to sign them like before." NICE, the boy does listen! See side note!
Side note - yes one other time about three weeks ago he got some hit sheets and because they were over a week late when he gave them to me (or I shook him down for them) I told him and his teacher that if he was in no hurry to have me sign them so that he would not miss recess everyday - then I was not going to make signing these sheets a priority for me either - and when I got around to reading and signing them I would give them back to him to turn in, and in the meantime, he would need to continue missing recess or whatever the punishment was for such an offense.
So I email his teacher and let her know that I just got these items in my hands that day - Thursday and that as he stated to her previously I was in no hurry to return them and that she should just continue to administer consequences for him until he returns the hit sheets.
His teacher emails me and says in so many words that she is really sorry to have fallen... AGAIN... for Grumpy's shenanagans. That on MONDAY ( reminder it is now Friday) he told her that I was holding the papers and that I refused to sign them. So she was sorry and I could send them in whenever - but did I know that there were three, not two. So I email back and say to her that I know she has a lot going on and I dont blame her for listening to Grumpy, but that she needs to remember that everything he says needs to be followed up on - yes that is exhausting - but look he got away with things for another 4 days and completely got his teacher off his back, and no I did not know that there was third.
Fast forward to Monday - over the weekend I signed Grumpy's sheets and sent them back to school with him. When he went to turn them in after missing recess for 2 weeks basically, his teacher asked about the third one. Oh he forgot to get it - goes to his desk and comes back with it ....
Signed by Brian Lingle --- not that the childish cursive would have given him away, but when you forge someone's name, you really should know how they spell it. His daddy spells his name Bryan !!
Really, you can't make this stuff up!
Amy, Ami, Amie
Sarah, Sara
Catherine, Katherine
Karen, Caryn
Hence the most recent tale of our dwarf Grumpy...
Now it also bears reminding you the reader that Grumpy is not know for his ability to make good choices, or even to be able to see into the future regarding things that he has done on the fly or off the cuff as it were.
I will back track a bit for you so that you can get the whole history on this particular situation. Last week Grumpy came home from school on Thursday and was in a particulary fine mood. In the midst of the arriving home chaos, he choose to fly way under the momma radar and disappear upon entering our home. Often this happens as the kids always seem to wait to use the bathroom until they get home from school. I am welcoming the Behavioral Service Team to the house to work with Sleepy and Bashful, and after about 10 minutes realize that Grumpy is no where to be seen or heard.... Unusual to say the least - and at the most a good indicator that he is up to no good.
So I settle everyone into their assignments - and go off in search of Grumpy - not in his room, not in the bathroom, not outside. Head to the basement - TaDa ! there he is... watching TV which is an absolute no-no during the week. (His excuse is that because Sneezy is home sick and is watching TV, so should he be allowed) So I call him upstairs to get me his homework.
"Mom, I dont have any homework. |" That is funny I think to myself, because tomorrow is his spelling test. I instruct him to go out to the garage and get his backpack - he comes in with just his planner... can you say RED flag??? When the boy ignores a directive, it is ALWAYS because he is trying to avoid something.
I play his game - " Grumpy, I instructed you to get your back pack. Why did you only bring me the planner? " No response - I open the planner - now mind you he is supposed to write his assignmnets in everyday! and the last three days are blank ! So I say - this is amazing - no homework? Not even spelling ?
GO OUT TO THE GARAGE AND GET YOUR BACKPACK....now... Notice becuase I think he may have hearing issues- NOT! I speak loudly so that I make sure he can hear me ---
He returns 5 minutes later with a big attitude and an even bigger mess. We could officially change his dwarf name to Sloppy - but since that is not an option, I just wanted you to know that it would so fit in this particular moment.
I make him remove all the items from his messy back pack - we have papers flying around everywhere, tests that were supposed to be signed and returned, papers for me to read about upcoming events, but most importantly balled up in the bottom of the bag (becasause if you make something look like trash, magically it is!) two hit sheets --- one dated 13 days prior and one for 4 days prior.
"Hum..."I say to Grumpy - " what are these?" No response - "when were you going to give these to me?" "oh Today mom he says" Really ?? Doubtful since this one is 13 days overdue! His response - " Well I told my teacher you were holding them and refused to sign them like before." NICE, the boy does listen! See side note!
Side note - yes one other time about three weeks ago he got some hit sheets and because they were over a week late when he gave them to me (or I shook him down for them) I told him and his teacher that if he was in no hurry to have me sign them so that he would not miss recess everyday - then I was not going to make signing these sheets a priority for me either - and when I got around to reading and signing them I would give them back to him to turn in, and in the meantime, he would need to continue missing recess or whatever the punishment was for such an offense.
So I email his teacher and let her know that I just got these items in my hands that day - Thursday and that as he stated to her previously I was in no hurry to return them and that she should just continue to administer consequences for him until he returns the hit sheets.
His teacher emails me and says in so many words that she is really sorry to have fallen... AGAIN... for Grumpy's shenanagans. That on MONDAY ( reminder it is now Friday) he told her that I was holding the papers and that I refused to sign them. So she was sorry and I could send them in whenever - but did I know that there were three, not two. So I email back and say to her that I know she has a lot going on and I dont blame her for listening to Grumpy, but that she needs to remember that everything he says needs to be followed up on - yes that is exhausting - but look he got away with things for another 4 days and completely got his teacher off his back, and no I did not know that there was third.
Fast forward to Monday - over the weekend I signed Grumpy's sheets and sent them back to school with him. When he went to turn them in after missing recess for 2 weeks basically, his teacher asked about the third one. Oh he forgot to get it - goes to his desk and comes back with it ....
Signed by Brian Lingle --- not that the childish cursive would have given him away, but when you forge someone's name, you really should know how they spell it. His daddy spells his name Bryan !!
Really, you can't make this stuff up!
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