Ahhh... if we were all so eager, if we were all so teachable, if we were all excited about the little things in life...
Happy is a dwarf that you hear about less and less over the years. He sort of blends in. While he is far from perfect, and clearly has his "moments", for the most part he is just as his name implies. Happy! He is a people pleaser. He enjoys being part of something bigger than himself. He loves doing things for others. He is not afraid of physical hard work. He will even rise to the occasion of mental exertion if we lay out the ground work in advance for his success. Over the years we have determined that Happy, is content in who he is (oh there was a period of uncertainty; but we did not linger in it) and he is happiest when he is serving others or is a member of something bigger than himself!
Spoiler Alert: If you are not interested in reading me brag about my special needs adopted kid, who has a ton of reasons to be okay just existing in life, but has chosen on purpose or by accident to be exceptional, then please stop reading now.
Happy came to us 8 years ago at the age of 9. He was a tall skinny kid for his age, who's most distinguishing feature aside from his smile was the size of his ears. (I am happy to report he has finally grown into those!) He has a heart condition, VSD (ventricular Septal Defect), he is academically behind his peers, with an significantly low IQ, making him ID (intellectually deficient) placing him academically at a 3rd grade learning level. This can and does occasionally create significant issues in social situations and in basic communication functions, but most expressly in his ability to discuss his feelings, frustrations and even his joy. Over all Happy is just mostly just happy. Happy to help, happy to do something or nothing. Happy to be alone, or to be with a crowd.
The Prince and I have had all the regular struggles that parents of special needs children have in regards to knowing how to help him be successful, and reach goals that are appropriate and obtainable at each stage in his life. Because of lower than average cognitive skills and low social skills it has been a constant juggling of all areas in his life. Just about a year ago we thought we had found a good balance for him. He had a good placement at school, was excelling in their work program and in life skills, and was doing odd jobs on the weekend with some folks from church. He was really thriving where he was planted!
Then we uprooted him and moved him 1100 miles from everything that he knew and was comfortable with. We girded up our loins, as we expected this transition to be very difficult for Happy. Happy however during this time of transition, oblivious to all things that were expected of him, starting tracking his own path in this world!
In July, he determined that he wanted to get his boating license. (No we do not have a boat... but we do have friends with one, and they let him "drive" it and he was hooked) The class was online and you did not pay for the class unless you passed and got your license. He was relentless, he took the exam over and over and over again, until he finally got the needed percentage correct to pass. He is officially and proudly a licensed boat driver!!
In August he began school at a new public high school in a great life skills program. He excelled! He was getting rave reviews from the staff and from the volunteers. They started looking for extra things for him to do, like help in the cafeteria, so that he could do and be more challenged in his day. It was about this time, that he started seeing his siblings wearing their JROTC uniforms, and the Prince and I would catch him star gazing at their reading materials and spending time trying to learn what he could about the program. He even talked to the Prince on the side one day about whether or not he could be in the JROTC. We thought it was too late in the year, but promised to look into it for next year for him. Well it turns out while we were talking to the staff about the possibility, he was taking matters into his own hands (as much as he could) and was sharing his desire to be part of the program with his teacher. She made some inquiries and he is now a proud member of the JROTC. He of course takes great pride in his appearance, as I sat last night "fixing a button" on a back pocket that was not regulation tightness, I can attest to the seriousness that he assigns being part of this organization.
About the same time of the JROTC change, the school started announcing that in October there were going to be soccer tryouts. Now Happy has played baseball for a season, and soccer for a season, but typically ended up being placed on the teams because of lack of players or the fact he had other siblings that were playing. We did not hold any hope that he would make this high school team, as most of the boys trying out, I think came out of the womb playing soccer. Additionally, he has no working knowledge of the game, or the rules aside from you kick the ball into the net. As a diligent parent I contacted the coach, and explained that while we were happy to send Happy to the tryout's, I wanted him to be aware of some of the issues that he has, and limitations. I was told that they were happy to let him attend the tryouts, could make no promises, but indicated that they would treat him fairly and if he was dismissed or awarded a spot on the team, it would be based solely on his efforts. Because it is hard to get the accurate information, we thought tryouts were one week long. They turned out to be three weeks in length. Happy was at every tryout. He did everything he was told to do. He ran hard, never quit and ALWAYS had a smile on his face. Each night as I picked him up from the fields I started to notice a strange phenomenon... he went from standing alone waiting for me, to standing beside the other boys trying out, to wait for me. Instead of not acknowledging the other boys and them responding in kind to his departure, there began to be head nods at one another and grunts. One day Sleepy came home to report that a young man trying out for the team asked if Happy was her brother, she replied, "yes one of 4" to which this young man said "well we are all rooting for him to make the team, he is really working hard!" Ah, how simple words uttered in casual passing can make a mommas heart soar! Well he made the team. Not the varsity team, but the JV team. Not first string, but 2nd goalie. He is so proud. I went last night to the game, I headed over around halftime. There he was tending our vacant goal. We were in the second half of a game, which was really a blow away - 7 us, zero them, to find him contently standing there at the ready, to defend that goal. When his team scored an 8th and final goal, and they called the game with 20 minutes left, he was a bit dazed, but his teammates quickly called him in, and he hustled to join them in the end of the game huddle. He is learning. Why? Because it is important to him.
Somewhere between Pennsylvania and Florida, whether he realized it or not, Happy made a decision to participate in life, not let life pass him by. The Prince and I could not be prouder of him! I am SO grateful to the Lord that Happy is thriving in his new environment and that I don't have to make this stuff up!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
I have never been a fan of Halloween
I have never really been a fan of Halloween. Understand when I say Halloween, I mean trick or treat. Even as a child, there was so much energy and effort put into getting ready for the holiday, and the build up just never met with the reality. We had cleaver costumes, and my parents bought candy, for the ghosts and goblins that came by our home. One parent always stayed behind to hand out treats, and the other put us in the car and drove us from house to house since we lived in a rural area. At the end of the night, every one returned home in less than a happy mood, because of falling on a dark driveway, or a costume that failed the" in and out" of the car 20 times test, or we wanted to go to "just one more house" but that one more house was another 4 minute drive, in the opposite direction and the driver wanted to just go home...
Of particular interest to me and my most vivid memory was the year that my brother was the Incredible Hulk, and my mom made him a great costume, however the green food dye she used on his hands and face and neck, stuck with him for a while! I did wonder why after his shower he was more red than green, but now that I have children of my own, I am sure my mom scrubbed his arm neck face and hands until the were red, trying to make the green fade! I have a great clown costume, and perhaps this was the year that I wore it, but it currently sits in my collection of childhood memories that I know my mom lovingly made for me, but have no memory of ever wearing it.
So when it was time to start a tradition with our own family, we started out with Doc. Born in January, I had plenty of time to consider her first costume. I do believe that it was a very traditional baby pumpkin suit that she adorned. But again, I am a bit fuzzy on the details, because who in their right mind actually goes out in search of candy for their 10 month old? I think we may have driven to my parents (because we are still living in a rural wooded area of my childhood) and oohed and took some photos.
I recall the next year, she was walking and she was a shark. But again, I do not remember if we even went out on the great candy search that year.
After that I have no more recollections of Halloween costumes or outings aside from a very ambitious sunflower costume that I made for Doc. I spent a week crafting the petals and the hat that fit easily over her head and would bear the weight of the sunflower, searching high and low for a green sweatshirt that would be the perfect shade of green for the the stem, and when the day arrived for the Halloween Parade at Preschool, she refused to wear the costume! She refused to march in the parade! She refused to go out trick or treating! She was just a stem!
If I were going to be honest, this is when any of my love of the holiday left me. Add a few more children, 6 to be exact and over the next 15 years, I just scrapped the idea. We would take the kids out of school early so that no costumes were needed for the all school parade and we would go to dinner or the movies or bowling on trick or treat night, and avoid the chaos. I could take 7 kids out for dinner for less money than I could spend creating the perfect costumes and shuttling them around for buckets of candy that they did not need, or than what was good for them. We would take them to the store and let them each select their favorite candy bar. I would even let them eat it all in one sitting,(I know, shocking to you that know my aversion to having junk in the house.), in an effort to fill that need that they thought they had for candy. You may be wondering what was the issue. Why do I not like Halloween and trick or treating? Was I some zealot that thought the holiday was evil, or to frightening? Was I a parent that was protecting my children from "glamorizing" the dark side of the holiday? Nope. Not at all, I was a parent who was opposed to 7 candy baskets full of a food group that was of no value to them. I was a parent that was opposed to dropping $19.99 (or more), times 7, on costumes that were made of poor quality and would rip before getting out the door which lead to tears, and the someone having to go to the bathroom and then to someone's feelings being hurt... In a herd stuff just happens.
Then an amazing thing happened. The rules of trick or treat as I recalled them from childhood, took on a new twist. Kids were trick or treating later in life. During my childhood, no one went out in costume after their 12th birthday. In my mind I was figuring my kids were to old, save one, to go out trick or treating. Once we moved to our more suburban housing development, I let the kids hand out candy, and I noticed a distinct shift in the size of the kids coming to my door. I thought these kids look older .. like the age of some of my dwarfs.... so I looked at my dwarfs and thought, they could do this all themselves this year. I would have to do nothing.... they can all walk, and if they start to meltdown I can send them home... The year was 2009. As previously mentioned, we had moved to a new neighborhood the year before, and at dinner, 30 minutes prior to the community trick or treat event beginning, I looked at the six kids around the table and said, "Hey... anyone want to go trick or treating tonight?" Our youngest girl dwarf literally had NEVER been out and she was 12. To say they were surprised, would be an understatement. Then it started and I thought I was going to lose control of the group...the "I don't have a costume, I don't know what to be or do..." Quickly, I laid the ground rules... you may go out trick or treating if you pull together your costume on your own, with a bag to carry your sweets in, and be on the front porch in 30 minutes. Almost all were in agreement. It was a fun time for them, we even have this photo (curtsey of a neighbor)as documented proof of 5 of the 7 dwarfs went out for the adventure. They talked about it for days, as they started making their plans for the next the next year.
I was still not a fan of the obnoxious amounts of candy with no perceived nutritional value, so we
solved the problem by combining it all on the table. Everyone picking out a few favorites and the remainder was donated to a local charity. (I am aware that many find candy to be a staple in their home, so I do not mind donating and that nothing went to waste.)
This year, we are in a new area and while I am sure, according to the articles I have been seeing on the internet, my kids still all fall into the realm of acceptable age and size for trick or treating... However, we opted to try something different this year. While I think the craze was starting at home a few years ago, we had never really gotten into it since our kids were older, the ingenious idea of trunk or treat events. A safe place to take the family for candy gathering, game playing and fun. So this year we determined that the kids are all old enough and big enough to help out in the spirit of the holiday by serving others. Really who doesn't like to dress up, and play games and hand out candy? I created a trunk design for our 15 passenger van, and loaded up all the children, drove to the school parking lot where the event was being held, and the kids and I spent the evening serving the community - handing out candy, manning game and food tables and just enjoying the holiday in a new way.
Of particular interest to me and my most vivid memory was the year that my brother was the Incredible Hulk, and my mom made him a great costume, however the green food dye she used on his hands and face and neck, stuck with him for a while! I did wonder why after his shower he was more red than green, but now that I have children of my own, I am sure my mom scrubbed his arm neck face and hands until the were red, trying to make the green fade! I have a great clown costume, and perhaps this was the year that I wore it, but it currently sits in my collection of childhood memories that I know my mom lovingly made for me, but have no memory of ever wearing it.
So when it was time to start a tradition with our own family, we started out with Doc. Born in January, I had plenty of time to consider her first costume. I do believe that it was a very traditional baby pumpkin suit that she adorned. But again, I am a bit fuzzy on the details, because who in their right mind actually goes out in search of candy for their 10 month old? I think we may have driven to my parents (because we are still living in a rural wooded area of my childhood) and oohed and took some photos.
I recall the next year, she was walking and she was a shark. But again, I do not remember if we even went out on the great candy search that year.
After that I have no more recollections of Halloween costumes or outings aside from a very ambitious sunflower costume that I made for Doc. I spent a week crafting the petals and the hat that fit easily over her head and would bear the weight of the sunflower, searching high and low for a green sweatshirt that would be the perfect shade of green for the the stem, and when the day arrived for the Halloween Parade at Preschool, she refused to wear the costume! She refused to march in the parade! She refused to go out trick or treating! She was just a stem!
If I were going to be honest, this is when any of my love of the holiday left me. Add a few more children, 6 to be exact and over the next 15 years, I just scrapped the idea. We would take the kids out of school early so that no costumes were needed for the all school parade and we would go to dinner or the movies or bowling on trick or treat night, and avoid the chaos. I could take 7 kids out for dinner for less money than I could spend creating the perfect costumes and shuttling them around for buckets of candy that they did not need, or than what was good for them. We would take them to the store and let them each select their favorite candy bar. I would even let them eat it all in one sitting,(I know, shocking to you that know my aversion to having junk in the house.), in an effort to fill that need that they thought they had for candy. You may be wondering what was the issue. Why do I not like Halloween and trick or treating? Was I some zealot that thought the holiday was evil, or to frightening? Was I a parent that was protecting my children from "glamorizing" the dark side of the holiday? Nope. Not at all, I was a parent who was opposed to 7 candy baskets full of a food group that was of no value to them. I was a parent that was opposed to dropping $19.99 (or more), times 7, on costumes that were made of poor quality and would rip before getting out the door which lead to tears, and the someone having to go to the bathroom and then to someone's feelings being hurt... In a herd stuff just happens.
Then an amazing thing happened. The rules of trick or treat as I recalled them from childhood, took on a new twist. Kids were trick or treating later in life. During my childhood, no one went out in costume after their 12th birthday. In my mind I was figuring my kids were to old, save one, to go out trick or treating. Once we moved to our more suburban housing development, I let the kids hand out candy, and I noticed a distinct shift in the size of the kids coming to my door. I thought these kids look older .. like the age of some of my dwarfs.... so I looked at my dwarfs and thought, they could do this all themselves this year. I would have to do nothing.... they can all walk, and if they start to meltdown I can send them home... The year was 2009. As previously mentioned, we had moved to a new neighborhood the year before, and at dinner, 30 minutes prior to the community trick or treat event beginning, I looked at the six kids around the table and said, "Hey... anyone want to go trick or treating tonight?" Our youngest girl dwarf literally had NEVER been out and she was 12. To say they were surprised, would be an understatement. Then it started and I thought I was going to lose control of the group...the "I don't have a costume, I don't know what to be or do..." Quickly, I laid the ground rules... you may go out trick or treating if you pull together your costume on your own, with a bag to carry your sweets in, and be on the front porch in 30 minutes. Almost all were in agreement. It was a fun time for them, we even have this photo (curtsey of a neighbor)as documented proof of 5 of the 7 dwarfs went out for the adventure. They talked about it for days, as they started making their plans for the next the next year.
I was still not a fan of the obnoxious amounts of candy with no perceived nutritional value, so we
solved the problem by combining it all on the table. Everyone picking out a few favorites and the remainder was donated to a local charity. (I am aware that many find candy to be a staple in their home, so I do not mind donating and that nothing went to waste.)
This year, we are in a new area and while I am sure, according to the articles I have been seeing on the internet, my kids still all fall into the realm of acceptable age and size for trick or treating... However, we opted to try something different this year. While I think the craze was starting at home a few years ago, we had never really gotten into it since our kids were older, the ingenious idea of trunk or treat events. A safe place to take the family for candy gathering, game playing and fun. So this year we determined that the kids are all old enough and big enough to help out in the spirit of the holiday by serving others. Really who doesn't like to dress up, and play games and hand out candy? I created a trunk design for our 15 passenger van, and loaded up all the children, drove to the school parking lot where the event was being held, and the kids and I spent the evening serving the community - handing out candy, manning game and food tables and just enjoying the holiday in a new way.
The look of joy on the faces as children of all ages, yelled "Trunk or Treat" at the elephant's trunk or his face, and a piece of candy (or three) fell out of the trunk right into their basket, bucket or bag, was worth the brainstorming and painting and creativity that went in the creation of our trunk. I believe that if these events would have been popular when my kids were little this is the type of thing that we would have done. There was free food, hot dogs, popcorn, cotton candy. There was live music. At least 20 cars were decorated and set up all handing out smiles and candy. It was a safe place to for parents to bring their kids. It was simply good clean fun. It goes to show that an old dog can learn new tricks, and that while my stance on Halloween is still the same, I am still not a huge fan, it is simply a lot of work, and I would love it if there was something else to give away besides candy. The future looks a bit brighter for my grandchildren...especially if Trunk or Treats are still popular when they are ready to head out to celebrate Halloween!
You really Can Make up a Elephant trunk design for the back of your 15 passenger van, if you are a fan of Pintrest and have some spare time on your hands!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Even the Queen has malfunctions sometimes!!
As you know many of my posts are about the dwarfs. I do not think that I have ever been tempted to blog about the Prince ( he IS perfect in every way), but I also have a history of not blogging about myself.
My family, the Prince, my brother, my adult child, often mock me for my "Michelle" moments. They find it hysterical that occasionally in a complete and absolute sincerity, I say perhaps not the most appropriate things... or I slur my sayings, or choose hills to die on that they find to be insane. I don't really understand why they find it necessary to pick on me, and have started to tell them that "someday when I am gone they will feel bad about being so mean to me," but alas they are not buying what I am selling, so why not just go ahead embrace it, and laugh at myself!
My brother will fall to fits of uncontrollable laughter over a time that I walked outside while he, my father and my husband were investigating a septic system issue and proclaimed " Gee it sure stinks out here!" Or the time that I walked into a funeral home, and proclaimed it was great to see the woman that handles all the arrangements again! What I meant was that I was happy to see a familiar face, seemed I had been there before, just recently and she did such a great job the first time with our funeral arrangements, it was just refreshing, comforting was all. NO amount of discussion could make them see my reasoning for the comment. Why anyone would be happy to see the funeral director again was beyond them.
There is also a rumor out there that at my funeral you may be handed a cereal bowl and a half pint of milk, if this happens, you should just go with it... why? Because some of my family and friends think my rule of not letting my children slurp their milk, or soup, or other liquids from the bottom of a bowl is silly. So the idea is at a given point at my service, everyone will pour, lift their bowls to their lips and slurp loud and proud in my honor! I think it is sort of rude, to poke fun at the dead, but if they find it funny, I won't be there to stop them. I guarantee that my children will at least pause before being so uncouth, at their momma's funeral, to slurp out of their bowls... I hope.
I have had many moments over the course of the years, where my words have been slurred, my thoughts unclear, and my intention, while in my heart true and pure, turned into something else when it came out. I do not think it is coincidental to the fact that the number of children in my care has increased over the same amount of years as exponentially as have my "moments". No one however, is buying what I am selling. So as I have recently had two moments... I thought I would poke some fun at myself! Here goes!
A few Sunday's ago, I got dressed and drove to church with two dwarfs. Situated myself in class, and got ready to take prayer requests in my journal, when I felt a tug/or snap/ or nudge on my left side. So I glance to my left side, to realize that the zipper of my sundress has started to pull apart. (Sometimes it does not pay for the Salvation Army to be your one stop shop for clothing.) However, at this point I was not overly pressed, as it was just a pucker in the zipper. I was not worried, as the zipper was still secure at the top and bottom and most of the space in between! I figured I would be fine until the break for the main service. WRONG!! As I adjusted in my seat turning ever so slightly into to the back of the chair, the whole zipper breaks open. How do I know ? Because I can feel the breeze! Now I am not prone to panic, however after being in Florida since June, and knowing the "mom" variety bathing suits I have been wearing, I know for a fact that the area of my body now exposed from under my arm pit to the top of my hip is the pasty white and very NOT attractive variety. I of course, have no sweater, and am seated on the far side of a horseshoe arrangement of seats, farthest away from the exit door! Now my options are limited. Prayer requests suddenly are dragging out... and I am fighting a simultaneous panic, mixed with sweating profusely, and cant focus for anything on what is being said as I plan my exit. Finally, I am able to get the attention of the leader's wife, to whom I indicate that I may or may not have suffered a wardrobe malfunction, and when her husband starts to lead everyone in prayer, I will TRY to sneak out. Now we are halfway around the circle of adults sharing from their hearts, and all I can focus on is my flesh that is pressed into the scratchy seat fabric, while I plot my exit. At this time another thought pops into my head, and now I start praying that everyone in the room prays with their eyes closed! (or at least the one's to my left!) Finally, it is time to move! All I have is my prayer journal, so I tuck it under my arm, tuck the sides of the zipper under the book, and press it tightly to my side with my arm, and rush to the door. I grab the handle and twist... and the door doesn't budge. It is not locked, but it is a heavy metal door, of which I was not expecting! So as I adjust my force on the door, the prayer journal starts to slip... I start to inwardly groan (or at least I hope so!) I throw myself into opening the door and just barely escape with my modesty in tack. Now I stand alone in a hallway that stretches left and right with no one around. I am on the second floor of the church. Do I take the elevator and risk running into someone in a well lit area, or do I take the stairs, where it will take me longer to make my exit, but I will be in a low light area and can almost guarantee to be alone? Well I opted for the stairs and surprisingly in a church of a couple thousand members encountered no one further. I got to my car with only slight modification to the prayer journal under the arm and drove the .22 miles home to change laughing the entire way!
My next moment is not nearly as dramatic, but left me feeling exposed none the same. I worked diligently on making a grocery list for two days, and as I gathered my coupons, slugged the last of my coffee I felt ready to conquer the world of the Winn Dixi!! It has always been my personal opinion that coupons are a painful experience and not worth the effort, but in an attempt to make the Prince happy, and to take advantage of the best options available on our reduced budget, I am making a genuine effort to save every dollar possible ! So , I get Bashful off to school and head out on a mission to stock the fridge, freezer and pantry for the week ahead. I have the coupons, the list, the sale flyer for the store. I am filling the cart with an abundance of stuff,and have crossed off diligently all items on the list. No extras, but the cart is bursting!! Cold items, paper products, dry goods and canned goods for 9 for one week! I am at check out and there is only one line open (of course) and as the second register opens I am in perfect position to be invited over to the new open lane - since the three folks in front of me are either checking out or have already unloaded their carts on the belt. I see the light go on, and I scurry over as Dennis greets me with a big smile and a "how are you today?" I start placing my purchases on the belt, and he starts ringing them up. I pause because the belt is full and reach for my purse to pull out my "club card". My hand strikes air. Empty space where my wallet sits regularly. I glance at Dennis, my retiree cashier, who is struggling to get my items to scan, and frantically dig again thinking I just placed it in a different section of my purse. NOOOOOO! is what I defeatedly say as I come to the staggering realization that my wallet is sitting beside my laptop on my desk at the house. I say to Dennis, " I am so sorry sir, but I realize that I have left my wallet at home." He looks at me like I might be speaking French. He eventually stops scanning items and calls over Bill, the sweetest little, if I could choose my own grandpa, he would be it, sort of guy. He is so kind, he says "Look Miss, this happens often. I will take your cart and put it in the walk in cooler. Is that okay? How long will you be gone? " I shake my head and say "I am so sorry...but I think I can be back in 20 minutes will that be okay?" Bill, everyone's favorite grandfather figure says, "You bet! See me when you get back and I will go get your cart from the walk in." I fly home. Not really it seems like the trip that took an eternity, but I got back in 21 minutes! Went to find Bill... He saw me coming. He stopped what he was doing, and said he would be right back with my groceries! He was! I went back to Dennis. He was happy to rescan my items - all of them this time, and I was happy to pay in full for them! But boy did I feel silly ! I am sure those ladies behind me thought, what kind of goof comes to shop without her wallet. My friend said I was just distracted. By what I thought was, come on now, get it together, this mom thing is your only gig currently.
So you see, what is that saying about throwing stones? I can poke fun at the funnies in my families life and at life here around the kingdom, since I am also willing to share my tales of misfortune with you! People who live in glass houses should not throw stones? I think it applies?
You really do not have to visit long at our house to see that this stuff happens on the regular, and you really can't make this stuff up!
My family, the Prince, my brother, my adult child, often mock me for my "Michelle" moments. They find it hysterical that occasionally in a complete and absolute sincerity, I say perhaps not the most appropriate things... or I slur my sayings, or choose hills to die on that they find to be insane. I don't really understand why they find it necessary to pick on me, and have started to tell them that "someday when I am gone they will feel bad about being so mean to me," but alas they are not buying what I am selling, so why not just go ahead embrace it, and laugh at myself!
My brother will fall to fits of uncontrollable laughter over a time that I walked outside while he, my father and my husband were investigating a septic system issue and proclaimed " Gee it sure stinks out here!" Or the time that I walked into a funeral home, and proclaimed it was great to see the woman that handles all the arrangements again! What I meant was that I was happy to see a familiar face, seemed I had been there before, just recently and she did such a great job the first time with our funeral arrangements, it was just refreshing, comforting was all. NO amount of discussion could make them see my reasoning for the comment. Why anyone would be happy to see the funeral director again was beyond them.
There is also a rumor out there that at my funeral you may be handed a cereal bowl and a half pint of milk, if this happens, you should just go with it... why? Because some of my family and friends think my rule of not letting my children slurp their milk, or soup, or other liquids from the bottom of a bowl is silly. So the idea is at a given point at my service, everyone will pour, lift their bowls to their lips and slurp loud and proud in my honor! I think it is sort of rude, to poke fun at the dead, but if they find it funny, I won't be there to stop them. I guarantee that my children will at least pause before being so uncouth, at their momma's funeral, to slurp out of their bowls... I hope.
I have had many moments over the course of the years, where my words have been slurred, my thoughts unclear, and my intention, while in my heart true and pure, turned into something else when it came out. I do not think it is coincidental to the fact that the number of children in my care has increased over the same amount of years as exponentially as have my "moments". No one however, is buying what I am selling. So as I have recently had two moments... I thought I would poke some fun at myself! Here goes!
A few Sunday's ago, I got dressed and drove to church with two dwarfs. Situated myself in class, and got ready to take prayer requests in my journal, when I felt a tug/or snap/ or nudge on my left side. So I glance to my left side, to realize that the zipper of my sundress has started to pull apart. (Sometimes it does not pay for the Salvation Army to be your one stop shop for clothing.) However, at this point I was not overly pressed, as it was just a pucker in the zipper. I was not worried, as the zipper was still secure at the top and bottom and most of the space in between! I figured I would be fine until the break for the main service. WRONG!! As I adjusted in my seat turning ever so slightly into to the back of the chair, the whole zipper breaks open. How do I know ? Because I can feel the breeze! Now I am not prone to panic, however after being in Florida since June, and knowing the "mom" variety bathing suits I have been wearing, I know for a fact that the area of my body now exposed from under my arm pit to the top of my hip is the pasty white and very NOT attractive variety. I of course, have no sweater, and am seated on the far side of a horseshoe arrangement of seats, farthest away from the exit door! Now my options are limited. Prayer requests suddenly are dragging out... and I am fighting a simultaneous panic, mixed with sweating profusely, and cant focus for anything on what is being said as I plan my exit. Finally, I am able to get the attention of the leader's wife, to whom I indicate that I may or may not have suffered a wardrobe malfunction, and when her husband starts to lead everyone in prayer, I will TRY to sneak out. Now we are halfway around the circle of adults sharing from their hearts, and all I can focus on is my flesh that is pressed into the scratchy seat fabric, while I plot my exit. At this time another thought pops into my head, and now I start praying that everyone in the room prays with their eyes closed! (or at least the one's to my left!) Finally, it is time to move! All I have is my prayer journal, so I tuck it under my arm, tuck the sides of the zipper under the book, and press it tightly to my side with my arm, and rush to the door. I grab the handle and twist... and the door doesn't budge. It is not locked, but it is a heavy metal door, of which I was not expecting! So as I adjust my force on the door, the prayer journal starts to slip... I start to inwardly groan (or at least I hope so!) I throw myself into opening the door and just barely escape with my modesty in tack. Now I stand alone in a hallway that stretches left and right with no one around. I am on the second floor of the church. Do I take the elevator and risk running into someone in a well lit area, or do I take the stairs, where it will take me longer to make my exit, but I will be in a low light area and can almost guarantee to be alone? Well I opted for the stairs and surprisingly in a church of a couple thousand members encountered no one further. I got to my car with only slight modification to the prayer journal under the arm and drove the .22 miles home to change laughing the entire way!
My next moment is not nearly as dramatic, but left me feeling exposed none the same. I worked diligently on making a grocery list for two days, and as I gathered my coupons, slugged the last of my coffee I felt ready to conquer the world of the Winn Dixi!! It has always been my personal opinion that coupons are a painful experience and not worth the effort, but in an attempt to make the Prince happy, and to take advantage of the best options available on our reduced budget, I am making a genuine effort to save every dollar possible ! So , I get Bashful off to school and head out on a mission to stock the fridge, freezer and pantry for the week ahead. I have the coupons, the list, the sale flyer for the store. I am filling the cart with an abundance of stuff,and have crossed off diligently all items on the list. No extras, but the cart is bursting!! Cold items, paper products, dry goods and canned goods for 9 for one week! I am at check out and there is only one line open (of course) and as the second register opens I am in perfect position to be invited over to the new open lane - since the three folks in front of me are either checking out or have already unloaded their carts on the belt. I see the light go on, and I scurry over as Dennis greets me with a big smile and a "how are you today?" I start placing my purchases on the belt, and he starts ringing them up. I pause because the belt is full and reach for my purse to pull out my "club card". My hand strikes air. Empty space where my wallet sits regularly. I glance at Dennis, my retiree cashier, who is struggling to get my items to scan, and frantically dig again thinking I just placed it in a different section of my purse. NOOOOOO! is what I defeatedly say as I come to the staggering realization that my wallet is sitting beside my laptop on my desk at the house. I say to Dennis, " I am so sorry sir, but I realize that I have left my wallet at home." He looks at me like I might be speaking French. He eventually stops scanning items and calls over Bill, the sweetest little, if I could choose my own grandpa, he would be it, sort of guy. He is so kind, he says "Look Miss, this happens often. I will take your cart and put it in the walk in cooler. Is that okay? How long will you be gone? " I shake my head and say "I am so sorry...but I think I can be back in 20 minutes will that be okay?" Bill, everyone's favorite grandfather figure says, "You bet! See me when you get back and I will go get your cart from the walk in." I fly home. Not really it seems like the trip that took an eternity, but I got back in 21 minutes! Went to find Bill... He saw me coming. He stopped what he was doing, and said he would be right back with my groceries! He was! I went back to Dennis. He was happy to rescan my items - all of them this time, and I was happy to pay in full for them! But boy did I feel silly ! I am sure those ladies behind me thought, what kind of goof comes to shop without her wallet. My friend said I was just distracted. By what I thought was, come on now, get it together, this mom thing is your only gig currently.
So you see, what is that saying about throwing stones? I can poke fun at the funnies in my families life and at life here around the kingdom, since I am also willing to share my tales of misfortune with you! People who live in glass houses should not throw stones? I think it applies?
You really do not have to visit long at our house to see that this stuff happens on the regular, and you really can't make this stuff up!
Thursday, October 2, 2014
He's a Winner!!
Yes, all parents think their dwarfs are winners !!! While this dwarf has only made a few appearances in my blog in the last years, Happy is still alive and well and leaving his fingerprint on the world!! (Not just my windows and my peanut butter eggs !!) I would be remiss if I let this moment pass by without acknowledgement and to take the time to brag about the dwarf that has a overcome much in his life, and has been bestowed a great honor!
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For many of us, this may not be a big deal. But for Happy, who upon receiving notification of his award, carried this pamphlet, which proudly also displays his name, around for two days, as he giggled and talked about "flying home" to receive his award at the Governor's Mansion in PA, it is! While I know that he is unable to process the cost associated with such a trip, he took the news of not being able to be there for the ceremony well, and still smiles at the mention of the award!
What he does not know, is in the midst of communication with the administrator for the Special Driver's Programs at PENNDOT, is that she is going to forward the poster, the award, and all the important items that go with the ceremony, to us after the event on October 22nd. When we get the "package" we are going to make sure that we celebrate this in a big way for him. I already have pinned a bus cake, and stop sign name tags... and if it were not for the many miles separating us from family and friends, I would be holding a big ol party!!
Instead I have contacted his new life skills teacher, and asked if she would allow him a special "show and tell" about his project that lead to the award. Not so that he can brag about what he has accomplished, but so he can learn to use some new life skills, talking in front of a group, articulating the process of the contest, and the steps that lead to making the poster, and then the excitement and celebration that was bestowed upon him in light of the honor.
There were 679 posters submitted last year to the Bus Safety Poster Contest. He won 2nd place in his division amidst all those entries!! Happy has never won anything (that I am aware of ) in his 16, (Monday he turns 17) years of life. For him, this is HUGE ! For us this is HUGE because it is huge for Happy!
Please know this. Life is about the victories. It is about celebrating the things that are important to each of the dwarfs individually. As a mom of many, it is my job to save, savor, and celebrate ALL of life's accomplishments for each of them, archive the specific items and save them each dwarf until they can determine on their own if it is important to them or not.
Ask Doc if you see her, she has a stock pile of "childhood treasures". When she was preparing to move to meet us in our new home state, she called to tell me that she was stuck in the land of the past. Who keeps birthday cards from every birthday and catalogs the gifts given by each attendee on the back of the card? This mom! Who keeps the child saftey fingerprint and DNA sample kit, long after her kids are grown adults? This mom! How about an American Doll, with her complete matching doll and kid clothing? This mom! What about that 2nd grade "quilt project", of all of her favorite( and mine,) of her clothing, from birth that I turned into a quilt? This mom!
Here's why. I have no idea in the moment, what memory is going to resonate long term with each dwarf. Something that is a big deal to me, may not be to them. So what is the worst that can happen to all this stuff? They toss the items they feel are insignificant when these items becomes their property! What happens if I determine that the events that happened, were or were not important or significant to them and haphazardly tossed those things that I think were not relevant? As they transition from childhood to adulthood, what if they are looking for a specific memory, and it was just a small thing that I thought was insignificant? I would rather err on the side of caution. Does it make me a bit of a pack rat... yes especially since there are seven of them! But as technology advances so do my practical ways for archiving special times!! Thank goodness!
Regardless, if at the end of it all, in 15 years or 30 years, Happy still thinks this is a big deal, then he can savor the memories and mementos. If not, he can toss them, it is his decision. For right now, it is a big moment. So we will celebrate! In the only way we know how! The motto of this Kingdom, Go Big or Go Home!
Sometimes, you want the actual memories, You don't want to make this stuff up!!!
For many of us, this may not be a big deal. But for Happy, who upon receiving notification of his award, carried this pamphlet, which proudly also displays his name, around for two days, as he giggled and talked about "flying home" to receive his award at the Governor's Mansion in PA, it is! While I know that he is unable to process the cost associated with such a trip, he took the news of not being able to be there for the ceremony well, and still smiles at the mention of the award!
What he does not know, is in the midst of communication with the administrator for the Special Driver's Programs at PENNDOT, is that she is going to forward the poster, the award, and all the important items that go with the ceremony, to us after the event on October 22nd. When we get the "package" we are going to make sure that we celebrate this in a big way for him. I already have pinned a bus cake, and stop sign name tags... and if it were not for the many miles separating us from family and friends, I would be holding a big ol party!!
Instead I have contacted his new life skills teacher, and asked if she would allow him a special "show and tell" about his project that lead to the award. Not so that he can brag about what he has accomplished, but so he can learn to use some new life skills, talking in front of a group, articulating the process of the contest, and the steps that lead to making the poster, and then the excitement and celebration that was bestowed upon him in light of the honor.
There were 679 posters submitted last year to the Bus Safety Poster Contest. He won 2nd place in his division amidst all those entries!! Happy has never won anything (that I am aware of ) in his 16, (Monday he turns 17) years of life. For him, this is HUGE ! For us this is HUGE because it is huge for Happy!
Please know this. Life is about the victories. It is about celebrating the things that are important to each of the dwarfs individually. As a mom of many, it is my job to save, savor, and celebrate ALL of life's accomplishments for each of them, archive the specific items and save them each dwarf until they can determine on their own if it is important to them or not.
Ask Doc if you see her, she has a stock pile of "childhood treasures". When she was preparing to move to meet us in our new home state, she called to tell me that she was stuck in the land of the past. Who keeps birthday cards from every birthday and catalogs the gifts given by each attendee on the back of the card? This mom! Who keeps the child saftey fingerprint and DNA sample kit, long after her kids are grown adults? This mom! How about an American Doll, with her complete matching doll and kid clothing? This mom! What about that 2nd grade "quilt project", of all of her favorite( and mine,) of her clothing, from birth that I turned into a quilt? This mom!
Here's why. I have no idea in the moment, what memory is going to resonate long term with each dwarf. Something that is a big deal to me, may not be to them. So what is the worst that can happen to all this stuff? They toss the items they feel are insignificant when these items becomes their property! What happens if I determine that the events that happened, were or were not important or significant to them and haphazardly tossed those things that I think were not relevant? As they transition from childhood to adulthood, what if they are looking for a specific memory, and it was just a small thing that I thought was insignificant? I would rather err on the side of caution. Does it make me a bit of a pack rat... yes especially since there are seven of them! But as technology advances so do my practical ways for archiving special times!! Thank goodness!
Regardless, if at the end of it all, in 15 years or 30 years, Happy still thinks this is a big deal, then he can savor the memories and mementos. If not, he can toss them, it is his decision. For right now, it is a big moment. So we will celebrate! In the only way we know how! The motto of this Kingdom, Go Big or Go Home!
Sometimes, you want the actual memories, You don't want to make this stuff up!!!
Saturday, September 27, 2014
For those Enduring the Storms of Life
I have been wrestling with being away from my family and friends. I have been feeling out of sorts, as I watch and listen from a far to the struggles those I love are enduring. It seems as if my prayers are just rote as my heart and mind desires to jump in and assist in a physical and tangible way. However, as I sit this morning praying for them, and considering the seasons in my life and theirs, I wonder is God attempting to show us a fresh new start. Are our trials, our circumstances, even our joys that alter our current reality, not fresh new starts, gifts from God to motivate us to draw closer to Him and to trust Him more?
This is a challenge to me. I thought I would live and die in Pennsylvania. While never opposed to an adventure, I married my high school sweetheart (the Prince) and never lived more than 10 miles from either of our birth homes, and had a secure and comfortable life. People have come in and out of our lives over the years and we were always the constant steady that they could return to for a visit, for encouragement and for a sense of connection to what they had left behind. But in my prayers this morning, I began to see a trend. When God moves, (and not just geographically) and we face situations that are not what we desire, or that we are surprised by, is He saying stay where we are, this is your lot in life, or is He prompting us to open our eyes, focus on Him, and start over with a new plan, His plan.
New plans are not comfortable. For most of us they are not enjoyable, and it is a hassle, takes more energy than we want to expend, and causes us too much heartache, to get past where we currently are sitting. Stuck in a rut, on the side of the road. But more often than not, we are stuck in the rut on the side of the road, because we tried to do it our way. While I may have made overtures to bring God into my plans, catch Him up to speed on my vision as it were, have I really yielded to Him, just trusted Him to work on my behalf? My spouse has left me. My kids are leaving home. My spouse has passed away. My boss is a jerk. My spouse just lost their job. Myself or my spouse is sick. I am the caregiver for my aging parents. My finances are a wreck. I am a wreck. Hear my heart in this, I do not have the answers and this early Saturday morning musing is more for my own sanity than perhaps any of yours.
Here is the what came to mind today as I prayed for all my friends in positions of transition today, for all those that are faced with trials that seem overwhelming, with sadness, with rejection and with grief and even in joyous times that alter our current reality. God is not surprised by this. I know even as I type those words, it comes across as a bit trite. However, with 100% confidence, I can say that as a believer in Christ, nothing that comes my way is a surprise to Him, as it has first passed through His hand before ever reaching me! He has ordained it, He has allowed this situation to come to my attention. Why? Because He knows I need this challenge, this transition, this trial, this struggle, and yes even this joy, so that I can grow closer to Him, and He can continue to do His good and perfect work in me.
The following passages came to mind this morning, and if you are reading this and are in the midst of a struggle, it is my prayer that these verses with bring comfort, clarity of thought, peace and joy to you today in your journey.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
It is because of Christ and His Word that I can proclaim loudly, I am glad that I don't have to make this stuff up, to find peace and joy in life.
This is a challenge to me. I thought I would live and die in Pennsylvania. While never opposed to an adventure, I married my high school sweetheart (the Prince) and never lived more than 10 miles from either of our birth homes, and had a secure and comfortable life. People have come in and out of our lives over the years and we were always the constant steady that they could return to for a visit, for encouragement and for a sense of connection to what they had left behind. But in my prayers this morning, I began to see a trend. When God moves, (and not just geographically) and we face situations that are not what we desire, or that we are surprised by, is He saying stay where we are, this is your lot in life, or is He prompting us to open our eyes, focus on Him, and start over with a new plan, His plan.
New plans are not comfortable. For most of us they are not enjoyable, and it is a hassle, takes more energy than we want to expend, and causes us too much heartache, to get past where we currently are sitting. Stuck in a rut, on the side of the road. But more often than not, we are stuck in the rut on the side of the road, because we tried to do it our way. While I may have made overtures to bring God into my plans, catch Him up to speed on my vision as it were, have I really yielded to Him, just trusted Him to work on my behalf? My spouse has left me. My kids are leaving home. My spouse has passed away. My boss is a jerk. My spouse just lost their job. Myself or my spouse is sick. I am the caregiver for my aging parents. My finances are a wreck. I am a wreck. Hear my heart in this, I do not have the answers and this early Saturday morning musing is more for my own sanity than perhaps any of yours.
Here is the what came to mind today as I prayed for all my friends in positions of transition today, for all those that are faced with trials that seem overwhelming, with sadness, with rejection and with grief and even in joyous times that alter our current reality. God is not surprised by this. I know even as I type those words, it comes across as a bit trite. However, with 100% confidence, I can say that as a believer in Christ, nothing that comes my way is a surprise to Him, as it has first passed through His hand before ever reaching me! He has ordained it, He has allowed this situation to come to my attention. Why? Because He knows I need this challenge, this transition, this trial, this struggle, and yes even this joy, so that I can grow closer to Him, and He can continue to do His good and perfect work in me.
The following passages came to mind this morning, and if you are reading this and are in the midst of a struggle, it is my prayer that these verses with bring comfort, clarity of thought, peace and joy to you today in your journey.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
It is because of Christ and His Word that I can proclaim loudly, I am glad that I don't have to make this stuff up, to find peace and joy in life.
Friday, September 19, 2014
In the Midst of it all, God is not Surprised
Following a couple rough weeks in the kingdom, I keep coming back to the above statement. In the midst of it all, God is not surprised.
I often wonder, why is that I am surprised? Why is it that I am disappointed? Why is it that I struggle and wrestle with the how's and the why's of the situations at hand? Oh, right...because I am NOT God. Well Duh, you would say. None of us are. But do we not try our hand at the "god" thing by attempting to control our circumstances, and their outcomes? Do we not make decisions based on feelings not facts? Are we not occasionally swayed by our emotions in how we respond, and react?
If you are not that person, good for you! You have just saved yourself from years of heart ache, heart break and stress. I sadly, have not yet arrived. I am however trying very diligently to not get d-railed when life comes at me fast and furious.
Surely if you have followed the saga of the dwarfs and their shenanigans over the course of the years I have been blogging, you will know that some of the dwarfs have a handle on life, and some of them are on the struggle bus of life. I try to be an equal opportunity blogging mom, and mix up the posts with small stories and antics from a variety of them, but historically, there are a few that keep getting starring roles. The last few weeks have been a good mix of hard times, and in the middle of the hard times, refreshing moments of grace and goodness, all that shed light on the fact that God is not surprised by any of this thing that I call life. Because of His love for me, He knows when in my humanness, I am at the end of a rope, and need a glimpse of his grace.
Below are the highlights of the last few weeks, the good and the bad, and why I am leaning towards making my life's motto, In the midst of it all, God is not surprised.
A girl's weekend spontaneously planned and executed, that was a blessing and a gift that not only energized me in the moment, but prepared me for the weeks that would follow. There is something so healing and so precious about friends, and their ability to land just when it is needed. We shared laughs in the rain, gain survival skills for the future, and were able to cross items off of a bucket list together!
Shocking I know, but three weeks into the school year and we are facing suspensions and potential expulsion for a dwarf. Yet even with offenses at the highest degree, this dwarf's heart is responsive and remorseful and seeks forgiveness from those that have been offended and hurt in the situation. The situation still remains, and there are still consequences to be doled out, but in the end we know that whatever they may be will be in the best interest of said dwarf.
Help has arrived to our family in ways never before accessible in the state of Pennsylvania. Clinics that specialize in Fetal Alcohol Testing, that I can take my dwarfs into for testing, and walk away that day with a yes or no diagnosis and the severity of the syndrome. While this potential for a diagnosis in no way makes up for their poor choices, it will go a very long way in figuring out how to best communicate with them, and care for them. For years this diagnosis has been danced around, but there was never a way for a formal diagnosis to be given. One phone call, one transfer, and one week later two dwarfs are scheduled for testing in December. The cost for the testing $3500 each. The cost passed on to us, close your eyes and what do you see? NOTHING! I am shocked...but God is not!
A dwarf whom since the third grade has been sharing plans of joining the military has been presented with an amazing gift of the JROTC. While by the week's end we may have 3 Cadet Lingle's in the kingdom, and are proud to be the parents of all three of them, we are most certainly proud of the one that is embracing the lifestyle and challenges of the program with gusto and enthusiasm. He knows the desires of our kids hearts and works in advance to see them fulfilled.
There seems to be a break down in the process of securing an education for one of the dwarfs as we struggle to make our way through finding a good spot for this young one academically. While the school is insisting that we mainstream this dwarf, it is clear that this dwarf is not mainstream material. What the staff views as defiance and and outright disobedience, I am struggling to show that there are reasons for the struggle. Tremors, Autism, Verbal Turrets just to glaze the surface. Sadly when your kids present as a " normal child" it is hard to help strangers see their brokenness. As the mom I feel that the task at hand to get the services needed is an uphill climb and as I crest over a peak, I am confronted with yet another rise to tackle. Not only is this challenge one that I feel I am ill prepared for, but with the change in states and rules, I am in flux trying to figure out all the new rules and policies. Just when I am at my lowest along comes help, in the form of a staff member that has the occasion to work one on one with this dwarf, and has picked up on many of these issues because prior to teaching she dedicated her time to assisting special needs children in an out patient facility. With one email, the ball is rolling in a new direction and there is much hope for the future.
Time with family, planned the first weekend of our move, in June, happened at a perfect time two weeks ago. Again, no surprise to God, that we would need that time to be silly, to relax and to catch up on all the things that you miss when you move away from your siblings! Grateful for a brother and sister and their children that filled our home with a taste familiarity, and fun. With kindness and grace in the midst of a challenging time, were able to fill a void that we did not realize we had!
There is a saying that things are all good, when funding is all good... so we add a bit too the stress of life, by having miscalculated the "cost" of sunshine. But even in this, as I scheduled an energy audit for our home next week,(because I am sure that my neighbors must be hooked into our home's electric somehow) dear Mr. Monty was able to share with me that the last home owners peak month of usage was $825 for the month... What an encouragement to us, while our bill is double what we budgeted for, it is no where near that amount! It is also wonderful that the Prince in his wisdom, has been able to provide us with ways already, to be frugal with our energy and that there is such a thing as an energy audit, that will hopefully show us other great ways to cut costs!
Homeschooling is hard. Hats off to all of you moms and dads that daily provide for the education of your children! Once a dear friend said, you would make a great homeschooling mom, and I laughed out loud and said every day would be a field trip. However, in the face of necessity, I was able to pull it together for one week. It was not pretty, and I yelled and kicked and screamed a lot, but we got the job done and then some. In a very smug and non humble way, I did enjoy one part of the experience, being more physically fit than said young adult dwarf, as we worked our way through PE class each daily for 5 days. While the dwarf could run faster and bike longer, the weight training with this 40+ year old momma on the lanai made this dwarf quiver and complain and hurt the next day! Score one for the mommas! A reminder that making my health a priority is paying dividends and encourages me that even when I do not feel like it, exercise is important for my over all health and my sanity! Plus this was a great reminder that homeschooling is not my life calling!
One of our dwarf''s struggles mightily with their past. The technical term is Reactive Attachment Disorder. It's definition is this: Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn't establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. Reactive attachment disorder may develop if the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring, stable attachments with others are not established. As this young dwarf fast approaches 18, we are concerned about their ability to make good decisions, process situations appropriately and provide for the basic safety and care of them self. One more phone call on a separate day yielded an appointment with a RAD counselor, again something that specifically was never available in Pennsylvania to us, that is sharing weekly with this dwarf. Our hope is that upon their "coming of age" this dwarf will see the benefit in this wise council and continue with these sessions, even though initially opposed as them and was viewed as the Prince and I's attempt to "fix" them. In this again, a reminder that God is providing for the needs of the dwarfs in ways that in PA were not available.
There is another dwarf that has a love of baseball, in the middle of all the craziness of life, this dwarf has found a nitch... too bad it is at the crack of dawn... 6am! What high school student willingly attends workouts at that time of day unless they are serious about their sport? Alas, the Prince and I gladly transport said dwarf to early morning workouts four days a week before school in the hopes that this dedication will result in an opportunity to play for a high school team that game that they have loves since they were little! It has been hard to make that adjustment to early riser, but the great news is that we are all home from school for the day by 2:30 hence allowing for down time in the afternoons and a time to rest and prepare for the next early morning.
There have been so many "ah-ha" moments in the past three weeks, and I would be remiss in not mentioning another great gift, aside from the Prince and his recognition of my limitations and stress levels, is the fact that I have a great "get away" just 20 minutes or so from my new home. I can sit in the sand and feel the waves lap my feet as I stare out over the ocean. In the midst of the chaos, I can find tranquility in the roar of the ocean. My happy place can now be reached whenever I need it, with in a short drive.
As I sit, I can reflect on all the great ways that God is tying together our new home, our new surroundings and new opportunities. I can say that while I desired for our dwarfs and my Prince and I to have a fresh new start at things, I was disappointed when slowly I realized that only our scenery had changed, the shenanigans and the often resulting chaos did not change. However, keeping it all in perspective, In the midst of this thing I call life, God is not surprised. He has this! All I have to do is recognize this truth in my life, and then sit back and trust Him as He continues to work on all fronts for our good! (Blogging about it also helps keep a written reminder of His faithfulness to our family in the forefront of my mind.)
Really... You Can't Make this Stuff Up!
PS: As I was typing the conclusion to this blog, I got a phone call from the school where we are in day 10 of a level three suspension with potential for expulsion for one of the above mentioned dwarfs. The school is not expelling this dwarf, and is instead recognizing how they(the school) did not set this young adult up for success from the start. Not only are they graciously allowing for the dwarf to have a second chance(with modifications), they have formulated a plan to guarantee future success for our dwarf, and are also making a way for others with similar disabilities to be successful! I was so surprised I was nearly in tears... but did I mention God is not surprised by this!?
I often wonder, why is that I am surprised? Why is it that I am disappointed? Why is it that I struggle and wrestle with the how's and the why's of the situations at hand? Oh, right...because I am NOT God. Well Duh, you would say. None of us are. But do we not try our hand at the "god" thing by attempting to control our circumstances, and their outcomes? Do we not make decisions based on feelings not facts? Are we not occasionally swayed by our emotions in how we respond, and react?
If you are not that person, good for you! You have just saved yourself from years of heart ache, heart break and stress. I sadly, have not yet arrived. I am however trying very diligently to not get d-railed when life comes at me fast and furious.
Surely if you have followed the saga of the dwarfs and their shenanigans over the course of the years I have been blogging, you will know that some of the dwarfs have a handle on life, and some of them are on the struggle bus of life. I try to be an equal opportunity blogging mom, and mix up the posts with small stories and antics from a variety of them, but historically, there are a few that keep getting starring roles. The last few weeks have been a good mix of hard times, and in the middle of the hard times, refreshing moments of grace and goodness, all that shed light on the fact that God is not surprised by any of this thing that I call life. Because of His love for me, He knows when in my humanness, I am at the end of a rope, and need a glimpse of his grace.
Below are the highlights of the last few weeks, the good and the bad, and why I am leaning towards making my life's motto, In the midst of it all, God is not surprised.
A girl's weekend spontaneously planned and executed, that was a blessing and a gift that not only energized me in the moment, but prepared me for the weeks that would follow. There is something so healing and so precious about friends, and their ability to land just when it is needed. We shared laughs in the rain, gain survival skills for the future, and were able to cross items off of a bucket list together!
Shocking I know, but three weeks into the school year and we are facing suspensions and potential expulsion for a dwarf. Yet even with offenses at the highest degree, this dwarf's heart is responsive and remorseful and seeks forgiveness from those that have been offended and hurt in the situation. The situation still remains, and there are still consequences to be doled out, but in the end we know that whatever they may be will be in the best interest of said dwarf.
Help has arrived to our family in ways never before accessible in the state of Pennsylvania. Clinics that specialize in Fetal Alcohol Testing, that I can take my dwarfs into for testing, and walk away that day with a yes or no diagnosis and the severity of the syndrome. While this potential for a diagnosis in no way makes up for their poor choices, it will go a very long way in figuring out how to best communicate with them, and care for them. For years this diagnosis has been danced around, but there was never a way for a formal diagnosis to be given. One phone call, one transfer, and one week later two dwarfs are scheduled for testing in December. The cost for the testing $3500 each. The cost passed on to us, close your eyes and what do you see? NOTHING! I am shocked...but God is not!
A dwarf whom since the third grade has been sharing plans of joining the military has been presented with an amazing gift of the JROTC. While by the week's end we may have 3 Cadet Lingle's in the kingdom, and are proud to be the parents of all three of them, we are most certainly proud of the one that is embracing the lifestyle and challenges of the program with gusto and enthusiasm. He knows the desires of our kids hearts and works in advance to see them fulfilled.
There seems to be a break down in the process of securing an education for one of the dwarfs as we struggle to make our way through finding a good spot for this young one academically. While the school is insisting that we mainstream this dwarf, it is clear that this dwarf is not mainstream material. What the staff views as defiance and and outright disobedience, I am struggling to show that there are reasons for the struggle. Tremors, Autism, Verbal Turrets just to glaze the surface. Sadly when your kids present as a " normal child" it is hard to help strangers see their brokenness. As the mom I feel that the task at hand to get the services needed is an uphill climb and as I crest over a peak, I am confronted with yet another rise to tackle. Not only is this challenge one that I feel I am ill prepared for, but with the change in states and rules, I am in flux trying to figure out all the new rules and policies. Just when I am at my lowest along comes help, in the form of a staff member that has the occasion to work one on one with this dwarf, and has picked up on many of these issues because prior to teaching she dedicated her time to assisting special needs children in an out patient facility. With one email, the ball is rolling in a new direction and there is much hope for the future.
Time with family, planned the first weekend of our move, in June, happened at a perfect time two weeks ago. Again, no surprise to God, that we would need that time to be silly, to relax and to catch up on all the things that you miss when you move away from your siblings! Grateful for a brother and sister and their children that filled our home with a taste familiarity, and fun. With kindness and grace in the midst of a challenging time, were able to fill a void that we did not realize we had!
There is a saying that things are all good, when funding is all good... so we add a bit too the stress of life, by having miscalculated the "cost" of sunshine. But even in this, as I scheduled an energy audit for our home next week,(because I am sure that my neighbors must be hooked into our home's electric somehow) dear Mr. Monty was able to share with me that the last home owners peak month of usage was $825 for the month... What an encouragement to us, while our bill is double what we budgeted for, it is no where near that amount! It is also wonderful that the Prince in his wisdom, has been able to provide us with ways already, to be frugal with our energy and that there is such a thing as an energy audit, that will hopefully show us other great ways to cut costs!
Homeschooling is hard. Hats off to all of you moms and dads that daily provide for the education of your children! Once a dear friend said, you would make a great homeschooling mom, and I laughed out loud and said every day would be a field trip. However, in the face of necessity, I was able to pull it together for one week. It was not pretty, and I yelled and kicked and screamed a lot, but we got the job done and then some. In a very smug and non humble way, I did enjoy one part of the experience, being more physically fit than said young adult dwarf, as we worked our way through PE class each daily for 5 days. While the dwarf could run faster and bike longer, the weight training with this 40+ year old momma on the lanai made this dwarf quiver and complain and hurt the next day! Score one for the mommas! A reminder that making my health a priority is paying dividends and encourages me that even when I do not feel like it, exercise is important for my over all health and my sanity! Plus this was a great reminder that homeschooling is not my life calling!
One of our dwarf''s struggles mightily with their past. The technical term is Reactive Attachment Disorder. It's definition is this: Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn't establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. Reactive attachment disorder may develop if the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring, stable attachments with others are not established. As this young dwarf fast approaches 18, we are concerned about their ability to make good decisions, process situations appropriately and provide for the basic safety and care of them self. One more phone call on a separate day yielded an appointment with a RAD counselor, again something that specifically was never available in Pennsylvania to us, that is sharing weekly with this dwarf. Our hope is that upon their "coming of age" this dwarf will see the benefit in this wise council and continue with these sessions, even though initially opposed as them and was viewed as the Prince and I's attempt to "fix" them. In this again, a reminder that God is providing for the needs of the dwarfs in ways that in PA were not available.
There is another dwarf that has a love of baseball, in the middle of all the craziness of life, this dwarf has found a nitch... too bad it is at the crack of dawn... 6am! What high school student willingly attends workouts at that time of day unless they are serious about their sport? Alas, the Prince and I gladly transport said dwarf to early morning workouts four days a week before school in the hopes that this dedication will result in an opportunity to play for a high school team that game that they have loves since they were little! It has been hard to make that adjustment to early riser, but the great news is that we are all home from school for the day by 2:30 hence allowing for down time in the afternoons and a time to rest and prepare for the next early morning.
There have been so many "ah-ha" moments in the past three weeks, and I would be remiss in not mentioning another great gift, aside from the Prince and his recognition of my limitations and stress levels, is the fact that I have a great "get away" just 20 minutes or so from my new home. I can sit in the sand and feel the waves lap my feet as I stare out over the ocean. In the midst of the chaos, I can find tranquility in the roar of the ocean. My happy place can now be reached whenever I need it, with in a short drive.
As I sit, I can reflect on all the great ways that God is tying together our new home, our new surroundings and new opportunities. I can say that while I desired for our dwarfs and my Prince and I to have a fresh new start at things, I was disappointed when slowly I realized that only our scenery had changed, the shenanigans and the often resulting chaos did not change. However, keeping it all in perspective, In the midst of this thing I call life, God is not surprised. He has this! All I have to do is recognize this truth in my life, and then sit back and trust Him as He continues to work on all fronts for our good! (Blogging about it also helps keep a written reminder of His faithfulness to our family in the forefront of my mind.)
Really... You Can't Make this Stuff Up!
PS: As I was typing the conclusion to this blog, I got a phone call from the school where we are in day 10 of a level three suspension with potential for expulsion for one of the above mentioned dwarfs. The school is not expelling this dwarf, and is instead recognizing how they(the school) did not set this young adult up for success from the start. Not only are they graciously allowing for the dwarf to have a second chance(with modifications), they have formulated a plan to guarantee future success for our dwarf, and are also making a way for others with similar disabilities to be successful! I was so surprised I was nearly in tears... but did I mention God is not surprised by this!?
Monday, September 1, 2014
Holy Mole !
Here it is! My mole. It resides on my back. My hair often covers it. Covers it so much that I frankly do not recall every seeing or feeling it before. My mole that has changed color recently. My mole that felt a bit raised. My mole which Sneezy found on my neck this past Sunday morning. The mole that I did not believe I had. The mole that I did not believe had changed color. So she took this photo to prove to me that it existed.
"Oh..." I say as my stomach starts to flip a little. Clearly that is a mole, clearly that is a funny color and clearly I may have a problem. As I continue to sit at the table with Doc and Dopey, I gingerly feel for the mole on my back. I pull aside my hair, and yep, there it is. I wonder in my mind, how long has it been there? Why did I not every see it before. I wonder when it started to raise, and change color. All during which time, there is endless chatter around me about the mole. Additionally, not only were some of the dwarfs witness to this revelation, but some out of town guests were included in the conversation. One was figuring out, in advance, how to encourage me, in the face of having to find a doctor here, remind me to not let it go, and to follow up this week to make sure that I did both, called the doctor and scheduled an appointment. One dwarf, was mocking me for my relentless love of all things sunshine, telling me it was only a matter of time before this happened! One dwarf was calling me a goner, melanoma victim, and telling me to eat another sweet roll, because it could be my last one. There was a side conversation between the Prince and another friend, discussing how the Prince needs to be more attentive and make sure since we live now in the sunshine state, that he should be more aware of the areas of my back and neck that get sun that I can not see on a regular basis. The Prince is a bit caught off guard and I can tell he is as surprised as I am. Another dwarf is discussing how much I am worth if I am no longer with the family. Should this mole be the death of me, they have determined to add on to the house, a memorial Ma Lingle wing.
I ask Doc to open up her laptop and look online about what it says about moles that are raised and change color. She reports after a brief search that since the edges are still intact that it is not the worst case situation, and that I should just get it looked at as soon as possible.
At this point I get up to leave the table, still shaking my head at the banter surrounding the mole's appearance and speculation about what it means for my future. Because it is a Sunday morning and I am getting ready to head out the door to church, I head into the bathroom for a few last minute touch ups. I pass the Prince, he asks if I am okay. I say, " yes, for the most part, and that more than anything it is a bit of a surprise, but I am sure it will be fine. " He says he is also surprised, but agrees that we just need to get it looked at.
I brush my teeth, put on my shoes, all the while resisting the urge to look at the mole on my own. I head out of the closet past the mirror one last time. I stop in front of the mirror, glance at my reflection, lift my hair off my neck, pause, take a deep breath and turn to the side to see the offensive mole with my own eyes as it sits on my neck. I squint because I am not wearing my glasses. I lean in a bit closer for a better look. I step away and flip on the overhead light. I look again. Move closer... thinking that it clearly does not look right, but for the life of me, I can not remember ever having a mole in this location. Using my finger, I brush against the mole. If feels crusty, rough. I can clearly see it's unique color. It sort of feels like a scab. I gently scrape my finger over the surface only to realize that it has lifted off my shoulder and is now under my nail. In a bit of a mild panic I look at the spot and just see skin. No blood, no redness. I look at the offensive mole under my nail, only to find that it was a tiny piece of shell that must have stuck with me after a day in the "splash zone"in the surf, at the beach the day before.
Oh yea, the mole that caused so much discussion, and speculation, was really just a small piece of rough green shell stuck to my neck that most likely fell out of my hair when I washed it that morning. Big sigh of relief, and a good reminder to pay more attention to my moles, and skin markings as I spend more time in the hot Florida sun. I thank the Lord for the gentle reminder, of how quickly things can change, for the good the bad or the indifferent, and how I need to be more aware and alert about my personal care and saftey. While many of the dwarfs, seemingly will be fine in my passing, I would like to spend a lot more time here on earth with them!!
You really CAN'T make this stuff up !!
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