He's a Winner!!

Yes, all parents think their dwarfs are winners !!!  While this dwarf has only made a few appearances in my blog in the last years,  Happy is still alive and well and leaving his fingerprint on the world!!  (Not just my windows and my peanut butter eggs !!)   I would be remiss if I let this moment pass by without acknowledgement and to take the time to brag about the dwarf that has a overcome much in his life, and has been bestowed a great honor!

For many of us, this may not be a big deal.  But for Happy, who upon receiving notification of his award, carried this pamphlet, which proudly also displays his name, around for two days, as he giggled and talked about "flying home" to receive his award at the Governor's Mansion in PA, it is!   While I know that he is unable to process the cost associated with such a trip, he took the news of not being able to be there for the ceremony well, and still smiles at the mention of the award!

What he does not know, is  in the midst of communication with the administrator for the Special Driver's Programs at PENNDOT, is that she is going to forward the poster, the award, and all the important items that go with the ceremony, to us after the event on October 22nd.  When we get the "package" we are going to make sure that we celebrate this in a big way for him.   I already have pinned a bus cake, and stop sign name tags... and if it were not for the many miles separating us from family and friends, I would be holding a big ol party!!

Instead I have contacted his new life skills teacher, and asked if she would allow him a special "show and tell" about his project that lead to the award.  Not so that he can brag about what he has accomplished, but so he can learn to use some new life skills, talking in front of a group, articulating the process of the contest, and the steps that lead to making the poster, and then the excitement and celebration that was bestowed upon him in light of the honor. 

There were 679 posters submitted last year to the Bus Safety Poster Contest.  He won 2nd place in his division amidst all those entries!!    Happy has never won anything (that I am aware of ) in his 16, (Monday he turns 17) years of life.   For him, this is HUGE !  For us this is HUGE  because it is huge for Happy!

Please know this.  Life is about the victories.  It is about celebrating the things that are important to each of the dwarfs individually.  As a mom of many, it is my job to save, savor, and celebrate ALL of life's accomplishments for each of them, archive the specific items and save them each dwarf until they can determine on their own if it is important to them or not.

Ask Doc if you see her, she has a stock pile of "childhood treasures".  When she was preparing to move to meet us in our new home state, she called to tell me that she was stuck in the land of the past.  Who keeps birthday cards from every birthday and catalogs the gifts given by each attendee on the back of the card?  This mom!   Who keeps the child saftey fingerprint and DNA sample kit, long after her kids are grown adults?  This mom!  How about an American Doll, with her complete matching doll and kid clothing?  This mom!   What about that 2nd grade "quilt project", of all of her favorite( and mine,) of her clothing, from birth that I turned into a quilt? This mom! 

Here's why. I have no idea in the moment, what memory is going to resonate long term with each dwarf.  Something that is a big deal to me, may not be to them.  So what is the worst that can happen to all this stuff?  They toss the items they feel are insignificant when these items becomes their property!  What happens if I determine that the events that  happened, were or were not important or significant to them and haphazardly tossed those things that I think were not relevant?  As they transition from childhood to adulthood, what if they are looking for a specific memory, and it was just a small thing that I thought was insignificant?  I would rather err on the side of caution.  Does it make me a bit of a pack rat... yes especially since there are seven of them!  But as technology advances so do my practical ways for archiving special times!!  Thank goodness! 

Regardless, if at the end of it all, in 15 years or 30 years, Happy still thinks this is a big deal, then he can savor the memories and mementos. If not, he can toss them, it is his decision.  For right now, it is a big moment.  So we will celebrate!  In the only way we know how!   The motto of this Kingdom, Go Big or Go Home!  

Sometimes, you want the actual memories,  You don't want to make this stuff up!!! 

For those Enduring the Storms of Life

I have been wrestling with being away from my family and friends.  I have been feeling out of sorts, as I watch and listen from a far to the struggles those I love are enduring.  It seems as if my prayers are just rote as my heart and mind desires to jump in and assist in a physical and tangible way.  However, as I sit this morning praying for them, and considering the seasons in my life and theirs, I wonder is God attempting to show us a fresh new start.  Are our trials, our circumstances, even our joys that alter our current reality, not fresh new starts, gifts from God to motivate us to draw closer to Him and to trust Him more? 

This is a challenge to me.  I thought I would live and die in Pennsylvania. While never opposed to an adventure, I married my high school sweetheart (the Prince) and never lived more than 10 miles from either of our birth homes, and had a secure and comfortable life.   People have come in and out of our lives over the years and we were always the constant steady that they could return to for a visit, for encouragement and for a sense of connection to what they had left behind.    But in my prayers this morning, I began to see a trend.  When God moves, (and not just geographically) and we face situations that are not what we desire, or that we are surprised by, is He saying stay where we are,  this is your lot in life, or is He prompting us to open our eyes, focus on Him, and start over with a new plan, His plan. 

New plans are not comfortable. For most of us they are not enjoyable, and it is a hassle, takes more energy than we want to expend, and causes us too much heartache, to get past where we currently are sitting.  Stuck in a rut, on the side of the road.  But more often than not, we are stuck in the rut on the side of the road, because we tried to do it our way.  While I may have made overtures to bring God into my plans, catch Him up to speed on my vision as it were,  have I really yielded to Him, just trusted Him to work on my behalf?  My spouse has left me. My kids are leaving home.  My spouse has passed away.  My boss is a jerk.  My spouse just lost their job.  Myself or my spouse is sick.  I am the caregiver for my aging parents.  My finances are a wreck.  I am a wreck.  Hear my heart in this, I do not have the answers and  this early Saturday morning musing is more for my own sanity than perhaps any of yours.

Here is the what came to mind today as I prayed for all my friends in positions of transition today, for all those that are faced with trials that seem overwhelming, with sadness, with rejection and with grief and even in joyous times that alter our current reality. God is not surprised by this.  I know even as I type those words, it comes across as a bit trite.  However, with 100% confidence, I can say that as a believer in Christ, nothing that comes my way is a surprise to Him, as it has first passed through His hand before ever reaching me!  He has ordained it, He has allowed this situation to come to my attention.  Why?  Because He knows I need this challenge, this transition, this trial, this struggle, and yes even this joy, so that I can grow closer to Him, and He can continue to do His good and perfect work in me.

The following passages came to mind this morning, and if you are reading this and are in the midst of a struggle, it is my prayer that these verses with bring comfort, clarity of thought, peace and joy to you today in your journey. 

"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18


“In this you greatly rejoice,  though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor and glory at the revelation of  Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

It is because of Christ and His Word that I can proclaim loudly,  I am glad that I don't have to make this stuff up, to find peace and joy in life.

In the Midst of it all, God is not Surprised

Following a couple rough weeks in the kingdom,  I keep coming back to the above statement.  In the midst of it all, God is not surprised.

I often wonder, why is that I am surprised?  Why is it that I am disappointed?  Why is it that I struggle and wrestle with the how's and the why's of the situations at hand?  Oh, right...because I am NOT God.  Well Duh, you would say.  None of us are.  But do we not try our hand at the "god" thing by attempting  to control our circumstances, and their outcomes?  Do we not make decisions based on feelings not facts? Are we not occasionally swayed by our emotions in how we respond, and react?

If you are not that person, good for you!  You have just saved yourself from years of heart ache, heart break and stress.  I sadly, have not yet arrived.  I am however trying very diligently to not get d-railed when life comes at me fast and furious.

Surely if you have followed the saga of the dwarfs and their shenanigans over the course of the years I have been blogging, you will know that some of the dwarfs have a handle on life, and some of them are on the struggle bus of life.  I try to be an equal opportunity blogging mom, and mix up the posts with small stories and antics from a variety of them, but historically, there are a few that keep getting starring roles.  The last few weeks have been a good mix of hard times, and in the middle of the hard times, refreshing moments of grace and goodness, all that shed  light on the fact that God is not surprised by any of this thing that I call life.  Because of His love for me, He knows when in my humanness, I am at the end of a rope, and need a glimpse of his grace.

Below are the highlights of the last few weeks, the good and the bad, and why I am leaning towards making my life's motto,  In the midst of it all, God is not surprised.

A girl's weekend spontaneously planned and executed, that was a blessing and a gift that not only energized me in the moment, but  prepared me for the weeks that would follow.  There is something so healing and so precious about friends, and their ability to land just when it is needed. We shared laughs in the rain, gain survival skills for the future, and were able to cross items off of  a bucket list together!  

Shocking I know, but three weeks into the school year and we are facing suspensions and potential expulsion for a dwarf.  Yet even with offenses at the highest degree, this dwarf's heart is responsive and remorseful and seeks forgiveness from those that have been offended and hurt in the situation.  The situation still remains, and there are still consequences to be doled out, but in the end we know that whatever they may be will be in the best interest of said dwarf. 

Help has arrived to our family in ways never before accessible in the state of Pennsylvania.  Clinics that specialize in Fetal Alcohol Testing, that I can take my dwarfs into for testing, and walk away that day with a yes or no diagnosis and the severity of the syndrome. While this potential for a diagnosis in no way makes up for their poor choices, it will go a very long way in figuring out how to best communicate with them, and care for them.   For years this diagnosis has been danced around, but there was never a way for a formal diagnosis to be given.  One phone call, one transfer, and one week later two dwarfs are scheduled for testing in December.  The cost for the testing $3500 each.  The cost passed on to us, close your eyes and what do you see?  NOTHING!  I am shocked...but God is not!

A dwarf whom since the third grade has been sharing plans of joining the military has been presented with an amazing gift of the JROTC.  While by the week's end we may have 3 Cadet Lingle's in the kingdom, and are proud to be the parents of all three of them, we are most certainly proud of the one that is embracing the lifestyle and challenges of the program with gusto and enthusiasm.  He knows the desires of our kids hearts and works in advance to see them fulfilled.

There seems to be a break down in the process of  securing an education for one of the dwarfs as we struggle to make our way through finding a good spot for this young one academically.  While the school is insisting that we mainstream this dwarf, it is clear that this dwarf is not mainstream material.  What the staff views as defiance and and outright disobedience, I am struggling to show that there are reasons for the struggle.  Tremors, Autism,  Verbal Turrets just to glaze the surface.  Sadly when your kids present as a " normal child" it is hard to help strangers see their brokenness.  As the mom I feel that the task at hand to get the services needed is an uphill climb and as I crest over a peak, I am confronted with yet another rise to tackle.  Not only is this challenge one that I feel I am ill prepared for, but with the change in states and rules, I am in flux trying to figure out all the new rules and policies.   Just when I am at my lowest along comes help, in the form of a staff member that has the occasion to work one on one with this dwarf, and has picked up on many of these issues because prior to teaching she dedicated her time to assisting  special needs children in an out patient facility.  With one email, the ball is rolling in a new direction and there is much hope for the future. 

Time with family, planned the first weekend of our move, in June, happened at a perfect time two weeks ago.  Again, no surprise to God, that we would need that time to be silly, to relax and to catch up on all the things that you miss when you move away from your siblings! Grateful for a brother and sister and their children that filled our home with a taste familiarity, and fun.  With kindness and grace in the midst of a challenging time, were able to fill a void that we did not realize we had!  

There is a saying that things are all good, when funding is all good... so we add a bit too the stress of life, by having miscalculated the "cost" of sunshine.  But even in this, as I scheduled an energy audit for our home next week,(because I am sure that my neighbors must be hooked into our home's electric somehow)  dear Mr. Monty was able to share with me that the last home owners peak month of usage was $825 for the month... What an encouragement to us, while our bill is double what we budgeted for, it is no where near that amount!  It is also wonderful that the Prince in his wisdom, has been able to provide us with ways already, to be frugal with our energy and that there is such a thing as an energy audit, that will hopefully show us other great ways to cut costs!

Homeschooling is hard.  Hats off to all of you moms and dads that daily provide for the education of your children!  Once a dear friend said, you would make a great homeschooling mom, and I laughed out loud and said every day would be a field trip.  However,  in the face of necessity,  I was able to pull it together for one week.  It was not pretty, and I yelled and kicked and screamed a lot, but we got the job done and then some.  In a very smug and non humble way, I did enjoy one part of the experience, being more physically fit than said young adult dwarf, as we worked our way through PE class each daily for 5 days.  While the dwarf could run faster and bike longer,  the weight training with this 40+ year old momma on the lanai made this dwarf quiver and complain and hurt the next day!  Score one for the mommas!  A reminder that making my health a priority is paying dividends and encourages me that even when I do not feel like it, exercise is important for my over all health and my sanity!  Plus this was a great reminder that homeschooling is not my life calling!

One of our dwarf''s struggles mightily with their past.  The technical term is Reactive Attachment Disorder.   It's definition is this: Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn't establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. Reactive attachment disorder may develop if the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring, stable attachments with others are not established.  As this young dwarf fast approaches 18, we are concerned about their ability to make good decisions, process situations appropriately and provide for the basic safety and care of them self.  One more phone call on a separate day yielded an appointment with a RAD counselor, again something that specifically was never available in Pennsylvania to us, that is sharing weekly with this dwarf.  Our hope is that upon their "coming of age" this dwarf will see the benefit in this wise council  and continue with these sessions, even though initially opposed as them and was viewed as the Prince and I's attempt to "fix" them.  In this again, a reminder that God is providing for the needs of the dwarfs in ways that in PA were not available.

There is another dwarf that has a love of baseball, in the middle of all the craziness of life, this dwarf has found a nitch... too bad it is at the crack of dawn... 6am!  What high school student willingly attends workouts at that time of day unless they are serious about their sport?  Alas, the Prince and I gladly transport said dwarf to early morning workouts four days a week before school in the hopes that this dedication will result in an opportunity to play for a high school team that game that they have loves since they were little!  It has been hard to make that adjustment to early riser, but the great news is that we are all home from school for the day by 2:30 hence allowing for down time in the afternoons and a time to rest and prepare for the next early morning.

There have been so many "ah-ha" moments in the past three weeks, and I would be remiss in not mentioning another great gift, aside from the Prince and his recognition of my limitations and stress levels,  is the fact that I have a great "get away" just 20 minutes or so from my new home.  I can sit in the sand and feel the waves lap my feet as I stare out over the ocean.  In the midst of the chaos, I can find tranquility in the roar of the ocean.  My happy place can now be reached whenever I need it, with in a short drive.

As I sit, I can reflect on all the great ways that God is tying together our new home, our new surroundings and new opportunities.  I can say that while I desired for our dwarfs and my Prince and I to have a fresh new start at things, I was disappointed when slowly I realized that only our scenery had changed, the shenanigans and the often resulting chaos did not change.   However, keeping it all in perspective, In the midst of this thing I call life, God is not surprised.  He has this!  All I have to do is recognize this truth in my life, and then sit back and trust Him as He continues to work on all fronts for our good!   (Blogging about it also helps keep a written reminder of His faithfulness to our family in the forefront of my mind.) 

Really... You Can't Make this Stuff Up!  

PS: As I was typing the conclusion to this blog, I got a phone call from the school where we are in day 10 of a level three suspension with potential for expulsion for one of the above mentioned dwarfs.  The school is not expelling this dwarf, and is instead recognizing how they(the school) did not set this young adult up for success from the start. Not only are they graciously allowing for the dwarf to have a second chance(with modifications), they have formulated a plan to guarantee future success for our dwarf, and are also making a way for others with similar disabilities to be successful!  I was so surprised I was nearly in tears... but did I mention God is not surprised by this!?


 

Holy Mole !

Here it is!  My mole.  It resides on my back.  My hair often covers it. Covers it so much that I frankly  do not recall every seeing or feeling it before.  My mole that has changed color recently.  My mole that felt a bit raised.  My mole which Sneezy found on my neck this past Sunday morning.   The mole that I did not believe I had.  The mole that I did not believe had changed color.  So she took this photo to prove to me that it existed. 

"Oh..." I say as my stomach starts to flip a little.  Clearly that is a mole, clearly that is a funny color and clearly I may have a problem.  As I continue to sit at the table with Doc and Dopey, I gingerly feel for the mole on my back.  I pull aside my hair, and yep, there it is.  I wonder in my mind, how long has it been there?   Why did I not every see it before.  I wonder when it started to raise, and change color.   All during which time, there is endless chatter around me about the mole.  Additionally, not only were some of the dwarfs witness to this revelation, but some out of town guests were included in the conversation.  One was figuring out, in advance, how to encourage me, in the face of having to find a doctor here, remind me to not let it go, and to follow up this week to make sure that I did both, called the doctor and scheduled an appointment.  One dwarf, was mocking me for my relentless love of all things sunshine, telling me it was only a matter of time before this happened!   One dwarf was calling me a goner, melanoma victim, and telling me to eat another sweet roll, because it could be my last one.  There was a side conversation between the Prince and another friend, discussing how the Prince needs to be more attentive and make sure since we live now in the sunshine state, that he should be more aware of the areas of my back and neck that get sun that I can not see on a regular basis.  The Prince is a bit caught off guard and I can tell he is as surprised as I am.  Another dwarf is discussing how much I am worth if I am no longer with the family.  Should this mole be the death of me, they have determined to add on to the house, a memorial Ma Lingle wing. 

I ask Doc to open up her laptop and look online about what it says about moles that are raised and change color.  She reports after a brief search that since the edges are still intact that it is not the worst case situation, and that I should just get it looked at as soon as possible. 

At this point I get up to leave the table, still shaking my head at the banter surrounding the mole's appearance and speculation about what it means for my future.   Because it is a Sunday morning and I am getting ready to head out the door to church, I head into the bathroom for a few last minute touch ups.  I pass the Prince, he asks if I am okay.  I say, " yes, for the most part, and that more than anything it is a bit of a surprise, but I am sure it will be fine. "  He says he is also surprised, but agrees that we just need to get it looked at. 

I brush my teeth, put on my shoes, all the while resisting the urge to look at the mole on my own.  I head out of the closet past the mirror one last time.  I stop in front of the mirror,  glance at my reflection,  lift my hair off my neck, pause, take a deep breath and turn to the side to see the offensive mole with my own eyes as it sits on my neck.    I squint because I am not wearing my glasses.  I lean in a bit closer for a better look.  I step away and flip on the overhead light.  I look again.  Move closer... thinking that it clearly does not look right, but for the life of me, I can not remember ever having a mole in this location.  Using my finger, I brush against the mole.  If feels crusty, rough.  I can clearly see it's unique color.  It sort of feels like a scab.  I gently scrape my finger over the surface only to realize that it has lifted off my shoulder and is now under my nail.  In a bit of a mild panic I look at the spot and just see skin.  No blood, no redness.  I look at the offensive mole under my nail, only to find that it was a tiny piece of shell that must have stuck with me after a day in the "splash zone"in the surf, at the beach the day before. 

Oh yea, the mole that caused so much discussion, and speculation, was really just a small piece of rough green shell stuck to my neck that most likely fell out of my hair when I washed it that morning.  Big sigh of relief, and a good reminder to pay more attention to my moles, and skin markings as I spend more time in the hot Florida sun.  I thank the Lord for the gentle reminder, of how quickly things can change, for the good the bad or the indifferent,  and how I need to be more aware and alert about my personal care and saftey.   While many of the dwarfs, seemingly will be fine in my passing, I would like to spend a lot more time here on earth with them!!

You really CAN'T make this stuff up !! 

See me shake my head...

Well there is not much that makes me just shake my head, but today while doing laundry for one of the dwarfs, I pull a pair of khakis from Sneezy's pile of dried clothing that I was going to fold ... and I stare in amazement as I focus my eyes on them.  They are spotted, splotched, discolored and my immediate reaction is, " Oh NO!  instead of laundry detergent, Sneezy used bleach and the whole load is ruined.

As I pull more items from the basket, my mind is racing, as there are no other items in the basket that have the same issues with the splotching blotching discoloration.

Now in my new home, I have the distinct advantage of having a great view of the laundry room from the couch where I fold the piles and piles and piles of laundry that the Prince, the dwarfs and I make each week.

My mind only wonders for a moment more as my eyes fall to the bottle of Tilex with bleach, on top of the dryer with some of  the other cleaning supplies.  

Yes, I know, you're shocked too... instead of taking the time to read the bottle, or look for the SHOUT that was on the laundry shelf, she sprayed her pants with the shower cleaner.  Darn, I hate when those things happen!

I will give her this... she has only been here two weeks.  So she may have not realized that there was a laundry shelf in the laundry room on which all the laundry supplies sit.  I do wish at times like this I was a betting woman, because I would bet she will never make this mistake again!

You really CANT make this stuff up !!

Do you smell smoke?

Well the situation is this, we have a pyromaniac on our hands.  This pyro may be young, and cute, and seem, innocent, however, when there are opportunities to light something on fire, this dwarf can NOT stay away.

Last week I walk past the bottom of the stairs in our new home, that leads to four bedrooms and a bathroom on the second floor.  I think I smell something odd.  Sort of acid like, sort of sulfur like, but also odd at the same time.

I keep on task as I head to the laundry room, but a nagging thought lingers, "what is that smell?"   I head back to the stairs as Sneezy is coming down and I say, "do you smell that funny smell?" She replies that she does and she asked Sleepy about it, but Sleepy did not smell anything odd.  As I continue up the stairs, the smell is stronger, and is strongest at the top of the stairs.  I walk to the left toward the four of the dwarf's rooms and sniff... nothing.  Back to the center of the stairs and the landing, still a strong lingering odor.  Head right towards the media room and the other two dwarf's room... nothing.  Back to center. Still a lingering scent of oddness.  By now my canvasing the hallway, landing and stairs has caused a bit of  a stir... Grumpy is saying that whatever it is, it was not his fault and that he thinks it was Bashful. Bashful is claiming ignorance and can't even smell anything odd.  Sneezy is now insisting that the smell is coming from the bathroom.  I agree that is the only room I have not checked.

As I head in, clearly the smell is the strongest (even as it is rapidly fading) in the bathroom.  Here is where the detective work begins, because whomever was doing whatever, did a respectable job of hiding said evidence.  I begin my methodical search of the bathroom counters, mirrors, trash cans, and tub... I see nothing.  I am still at this time unsure what I am looking for, but feel confident that when I find it I will know.  Currently standing and staring at me are two remaining dwarfs, one fearful I will find out the truth and the other lurking because for once he is not the guilty party and wants to assist in bringing in the one who he thinks is guilty. 

Bashful has most recently exited the bathroom.  So I call him in and politely ask him what he was doing in the bathroom.  He indicates to me that he had not used the restroom at school that day and that he was going to the bathroom, but that he had washed his hands.  First red flag.  Bashful never, ever, ever washes his hands after using the bathroom, without being reminded.  So I ask if I can see his hands.  They are still soaked. Odd, I think to myself, since the hand washing that he participates in after being reminded rarely ever ends with his actual hands being in the water, just his finger tips.  The backs of his hands have water drops on them, and the drops are running down his forearm as he holds the hands up for inspection.  So now my alarm bells are in full gear.  He did something in the bathroom to make a big enough mess, that he actually had to wash his entire hand, fingers, backs and palms...  because he is a germaphobe... I now know that had to have touched something he finds to be disgusting while he was in the bathroom to warrant a full hand washing.

So, as casually as I can I glance at the toilet.  Which to my surprise is clean.  Any of you that have boys can attest to this...boys are messy in the bathroom.  Upon closer inspection, I now see one small spot of something on the toilet rim.  It is dark, and it is the size of a flea... I reach out to place it on the end of my finger, and it disintegrates, like the ash that it is...

I turn to Bashful and I ask, "What were you burning?" What?  Shocked and appalled that I would ask him, the most innocent of the innocents, what he was burning in the bathroom...  He responds with "Nothing. I was not burning nothing."  I shake my head to indicate to him that I understand completely.  That me finding an ash on the toilet was clearly a fluke.   I line up my second question.  " What were you flushing down the toilet?"  "Q-tips",  he responds.    I asked him my next question rapidly, because I would hate for him to figure out that he was being tricked into quick responding, " Were the Q-tips on fire?"  " I did not use a lighter."  says the dwarf.    "Ah...but they were on fire when you place them in the toilet correct?  "  Dang, now he knows that he has given himself away.  He tries to work his way out of the situation now claiming that he did not light anything or flush anything that was on fire while he was in the bathroom using it.  

To end the saga of the smell, I asked him where he got what he was using to light the Q-tips with.  He indicated that he " found" a pack of matches and just wanted to see what would happen when he lit them (the Q-tips) on fire.   I asked him if he knew that what he was doing was wrong, to which he relied that he did not.  So  I asked him why then he did not lite them on fire in the kitchen, where we were all working on homework and dinner.  That made him cry.

We all know that things done in secret are typically things that are wrong.  Bad for us, bad for others.  If we did not know that they were wrong or bad to do, we would be doing them in the open or in the light.  It really is my prayer for each of my children are able to see the difference between things done in the light and in the dark.  That the holy spirit would continue to impress upon them that if you feel that you must hide to do something, then you probably should not be doing that thing.  In this case Bashful should not have been lighting Q-tips with a match, watching them burn and then flushing them to extinguish them so he did not burn down the house.

You really Can't Make this Stuff Up !

Throw me a Bone

So many of you know that Grumpy did not just get the dwarf name assigned to him because it was the only name left over.  To say that he spends a significant part of his day being grumpy is not an understatement.  Based on several issues that seem at this age and space in time, to be beyond his abilities to over come, he struggles with low self esteem, the inability to make good choices, a fear of others and what they think of him, as well as a huge pile of pride that prohibits him from ever, ever, ever being humble and in a position to accept or desire correction or instruction.

Most of you with teenage boys can relate to this.  Add a little bit of body odor, a flair up of acne and I have just described half to three fourths of the males in the 14 - 17 year (and beyond) age group. 

To say the story of this blog post was a challenge with Grumpy would be accurate, and while I can hold it together for most of the day, as with most of us parents, you get to a place where we are mentally and physically exhausted and to coin a phrase my mother used to use, "fed up to here".  So the day of the blow up described below, was the climax of three consecutive days of rolling, boiling, stewing issues, where this momma finally blew.

From his direct disobedience, refusing to work on a task we were all participating in, to his silly antics, that to an outsider would make him seem more like an 8 year old than a 15 year old, to his mouthy disrespect, to his skewed and inaccurate remembrances of conversations, after a 58 minute shower I was starting to loose my cool.

The week played out like a bad sitcom, or at least scene after scene of me thinking, " there has to be a camera here somewhere and he is a paid actor, because no one in their right mind, could continue this way for any length of time behaving so poorly unless it was a choice."

The highlight reel.... telling me, insisting really, that I told him humidity would cause a sunburn. Spraying tanning oil on himself, in the house, with not one, but three fans blowing the oil on to the leather couch, arguing that no one told him we were leaving,  as all his other siblings are sitting in the van for 15 minutes waiting for him, his recounting numerous times throughout the week that he does NOT need to be reminded to finish a task before starting a new one; when there are piles of yard debris left in the grass that he did not clean up, his papers from writing letters blowing around on the patio, cereal containers and milk still on the kitchen table at 11 am, his bike left out in the rain, his clothing  and socks leaving a trail to show a where he has been in a 24 hour period throughout my 2600 sq ft home and my outdoor living spaces,  and my personal favorite that leads me to blow, that according to him, he was only in the shower/bathroom for 9 minutes "Grumpy time", but 58 minutes real time. 

Rewinding to the fact it is Wednesday, and a church night...  By three that afternoon all 3 boys had their hair cut, so upon arriving home at 4:03, Grumpy heads up the stairs to shower so he is not hairy for church.  In that time, I send some emails, switch over the laundry, make dinner, call him twice for dinner, serve dinner,  sit with the other dwarfs, share conversation around the dinner table with the four other dwarfs, put away dinner and am cleaning up dishes from dinner, when alas he finally wanders down the stairs.   Still holding my cool, as I say to Grumpy, " Here is your dinner, I fixed you a plate because you did not come when called for dinner."  His response, "I did not hear you".  Fine, I said," I can see how that can happen when the shower is on, the door is locked, and the radio is blaring. "  You need to eat your dinner so we can leave for church." Still in my opinion,  holding it together, refusing to get into a battle of the wits with someone that suffers from a processing disorder.  Until that is,  he starts to complain because his taco is too full and he can't wrap the ingredients in the "baby sized taco shell".

To say that my next words were edifying would be a lie.  To say that my tone was more kind than sarcastic, would also be a lie.  To say my blood was boiling over the fact that no amount of reasoning or discussion could make him see his part in why he was eating pr-emade taco's,  would be accurate.  My greatest source of frustration with this dwarf (and he is not alone, there are others that vex me so), is that they never, ever stop, when faced with a correction or instruction and they are clearly at fault, to just say, "oh, darn mom, I lost track of time, or gee mom, I'm sorry."   Or in this particular instance, "thanks mom for saving me dinner."  (I know that is similar is seeking a miracle, but a mom can dream right?)  In this particular instance 20 minutes of loudly discussing brought no resolution.  I thought that my rational and calm (not) pointing out of the facts would assist him in seeing his fault in this.  My points, as they were made, had no seemingly immediate impact like I had hoped, and in the end we both walked away frustrated, exhausted and irritated.  In times like these, I always tend to walk away feeling like Charlie Brown's teacher .... my voice and all conversations with said dwarf, are just non intelligible words being heard, making no impact.

To church we go.  Two hours later, we are on the home journey (which really takes all of three minutes now if you don't get stuck at the red light)  and Grumpy announces he wants to talk to me.   I wish that I could say to you that I graciously agreed to talk with him.  That my initial reaction was to want to sit with him one on one.  It was not.  However, what happens next,  is why as parents we keep on repeating ourselves, why we keep on reinforcing the messages of social skills, work ethic, curbing attitudes, heeding instructions, playing nicely with others etc, etc, etc.

Grumpy, went soft on me.  He started to tear up.  He shared from his heart.  He desires to change. He wants to comply, he is starting to understand that he alone can not make the changes.  He is able to articulate that he is taking his past out on me. I am hopeful again.  Will this be the last of these types of days, with certainty I can say no.  It has been almost a month since these incidents occurred that I am writing about, and just yesterday alone I can recount 4 issues that Grumpy and I had to work through painfully.  I can say that the path ahead is long and the journey will be difficult, but the moments of growth and tenderness in Grumpy are what I need to hold on to, in an effort to continue on in this sometimes monumental and exhausting path of raising special needs kids.  God knows when we need the encouragement as the parents, just as he knows when these broken cracked kids need encouragement.

When I think about my life and my decisions, my arrogance and pride, while on the outside may look better when I am melting down, what is on the inside is really what counts.  It is what is in our hearts that is what displeases God.  My special needs kids, do not have the ability to harbor things, or to hold it together like others can.  The training process for these kids is rigorous.  The fruits of our labors are often times so small that if we blink,  we will miss them. However knowing the unconditional way that God loves me, should give me the strength and the power, in His name, to keep ministering to my kids.  To keep instructing, to keep on being faithful in the small stuff, because my God has not walked away from me in my moments of stupidity, confusion or defiance.   

One of my life verses reads like this, and I keep it on my desk at all times:
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's prefect work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."  James 1: 2-4

You really Can't Make this stuff up!