See me shake my head...

Well there is not much that makes me just shake my head, but today while doing laundry for one of the dwarfs, I pull a pair of khakis from Sneezy's pile of dried clothing that I was going to fold ... and I stare in amazement as I focus my eyes on them.  They are spotted, splotched, discolored and my immediate reaction is, " Oh NO!  instead of laundry detergent, Sneezy used bleach and the whole load is ruined.

As I pull more items from the basket, my mind is racing, as there are no other items in the basket that have the same issues with the splotching blotching discoloration.

Now in my new home, I have the distinct advantage of having a great view of the laundry room from the couch where I fold the piles and piles and piles of laundry that the Prince, the dwarfs and I make each week.

My mind only wonders for a moment more as my eyes fall to the bottle of Tilex with bleach, on top of the dryer with some of  the other cleaning supplies.  

Yes, I know, you're shocked too... instead of taking the time to read the bottle, or look for the SHOUT that was on the laundry shelf, she sprayed her pants with the shower cleaner.  Darn, I hate when those things happen!

I will give her this... she has only been here two weeks.  So she may have not realized that there was a laundry shelf in the laundry room on which all the laundry supplies sit.  I do wish at times like this I was a betting woman, because I would bet she will never make this mistake again!

You really CANT make this stuff up !!

Do you smell smoke?

Well the situation is this, we have a pyromaniac on our hands.  This pyro may be young, and cute, and seem, innocent, however, when there are opportunities to light something on fire, this dwarf can NOT stay away.

Last week I walk past the bottom of the stairs in our new home, that leads to four bedrooms and a bathroom on the second floor.  I think I smell something odd.  Sort of acid like, sort of sulfur like, but also odd at the same time.

I keep on task as I head to the laundry room, but a nagging thought lingers, "what is that smell?"   I head back to the stairs as Sneezy is coming down and I say, "do you smell that funny smell?" She replies that she does and she asked Sleepy about it, but Sleepy did not smell anything odd.  As I continue up the stairs, the smell is stronger, and is strongest at the top of the stairs.  I walk to the left toward the four of the dwarf's rooms and sniff... nothing.  Back to the center of the stairs and the landing, still a strong lingering odor.  Head right towards the media room and the other two dwarf's room... nothing.  Back to center. Still a lingering scent of oddness.  By now my canvasing the hallway, landing and stairs has caused a bit of  a stir... Grumpy is saying that whatever it is, it was not his fault and that he thinks it was Bashful. Bashful is claiming ignorance and can't even smell anything odd.  Sneezy is now insisting that the smell is coming from the bathroom.  I agree that is the only room I have not checked.

As I head in, clearly the smell is the strongest (even as it is rapidly fading) in the bathroom.  Here is where the detective work begins, because whomever was doing whatever, did a respectable job of hiding said evidence.  I begin my methodical search of the bathroom counters, mirrors, trash cans, and tub... I see nothing.  I am still at this time unsure what I am looking for, but feel confident that when I find it I will know.  Currently standing and staring at me are two remaining dwarfs, one fearful I will find out the truth and the other lurking because for once he is not the guilty party and wants to assist in bringing in the one who he thinks is guilty. 

Bashful has most recently exited the bathroom.  So I call him in and politely ask him what he was doing in the bathroom.  He indicates to me that he had not used the restroom at school that day and that he was going to the bathroom, but that he had washed his hands.  First red flag.  Bashful never, ever, ever washes his hands after using the bathroom, without being reminded.  So I ask if I can see his hands.  They are still soaked. Odd, I think to myself, since the hand washing that he participates in after being reminded rarely ever ends with his actual hands being in the water, just his finger tips.  The backs of his hands have water drops on them, and the drops are running down his forearm as he holds the hands up for inspection.  So now my alarm bells are in full gear.  He did something in the bathroom to make a big enough mess, that he actually had to wash his entire hand, fingers, backs and palms...  because he is a germaphobe... I now know that had to have touched something he finds to be disgusting while he was in the bathroom to warrant a full hand washing.

So, as casually as I can I glance at the toilet.  Which to my surprise is clean.  Any of you that have boys can attest to this...boys are messy in the bathroom.  Upon closer inspection, I now see one small spot of something on the toilet rim.  It is dark, and it is the size of a flea... I reach out to place it on the end of my finger, and it disintegrates, like the ash that it is...

I turn to Bashful and I ask, "What were you burning?" What?  Shocked and appalled that I would ask him, the most innocent of the innocents, what he was burning in the bathroom...  He responds with "Nothing. I was not burning nothing."  I shake my head to indicate to him that I understand completely.  That me finding an ash on the toilet was clearly a fluke.   I line up my second question.  " What were you flushing down the toilet?"  "Q-tips",  he responds.    I asked him my next question rapidly, because I would hate for him to figure out that he was being tricked into quick responding, " Were the Q-tips on fire?"  " I did not use a lighter."  says the dwarf.    "Ah...but they were on fire when you place them in the toilet correct?  "  Dang, now he knows that he has given himself away.  He tries to work his way out of the situation now claiming that he did not light anything or flush anything that was on fire while he was in the bathroom using it.  

To end the saga of the smell, I asked him where he got what he was using to light the Q-tips with.  He indicated that he " found" a pack of matches and just wanted to see what would happen when he lit them (the Q-tips) on fire.   I asked him if he knew that what he was doing was wrong, to which he relied that he did not.  So  I asked him why then he did not lite them on fire in the kitchen, where we were all working on homework and dinner.  That made him cry.

We all know that things done in secret are typically things that are wrong.  Bad for us, bad for others.  If we did not know that they were wrong or bad to do, we would be doing them in the open or in the light.  It really is my prayer for each of my children are able to see the difference between things done in the light and in the dark.  That the holy spirit would continue to impress upon them that if you feel that you must hide to do something, then you probably should not be doing that thing.  In this case Bashful should not have been lighting Q-tips with a match, watching them burn and then flushing them to extinguish them so he did not burn down the house.

You really Can't Make this Stuff Up !

Throw me a Bone

So many of you know that Grumpy did not just get the dwarf name assigned to him because it was the only name left over.  To say that he spends a significant part of his day being grumpy is not an understatement.  Based on several issues that seem at this age and space in time, to be beyond his abilities to over come, he struggles with low self esteem, the inability to make good choices, a fear of others and what they think of him, as well as a huge pile of pride that prohibits him from ever, ever, ever being humble and in a position to accept or desire correction or instruction.

Most of you with teenage boys can relate to this.  Add a little bit of body odor, a flair up of acne and I have just described half to three fourths of the males in the 14 - 17 year (and beyond) age group. 

To say the story of this blog post was a challenge with Grumpy would be accurate, and while I can hold it together for most of the day, as with most of us parents, you get to a place where we are mentally and physically exhausted and to coin a phrase my mother used to use, "fed up to here".  So the day of the blow up described below, was the climax of three consecutive days of rolling, boiling, stewing issues, where this momma finally blew.

From his direct disobedience, refusing to work on a task we were all participating in, to his silly antics, that to an outsider would make him seem more like an 8 year old than a 15 year old, to his mouthy disrespect, to his skewed and inaccurate remembrances of conversations, after a 58 minute shower I was starting to loose my cool.

The week played out like a bad sitcom, or at least scene after scene of me thinking, " there has to be a camera here somewhere and he is a paid actor, because no one in their right mind, could continue this way for any length of time behaving so poorly unless it was a choice."

The highlight reel.... telling me, insisting really, that I told him humidity would cause a sunburn. Spraying tanning oil on himself, in the house, with not one, but three fans blowing the oil on to the leather couch, arguing that no one told him we were leaving,  as all his other siblings are sitting in the van for 15 minutes waiting for him, his recounting numerous times throughout the week that he does NOT need to be reminded to finish a task before starting a new one; when there are piles of yard debris left in the grass that he did not clean up, his papers from writing letters blowing around on the patio, cereal containers and milk still on the kitchen table at 11 am, his bike left out in the rain, his clothing  and socks leaving a trail to show a where he has been in a 24 hour period throughout my 2600 sq ft home and my outdoor living spaces,  and my personal favorite that leads me to blow, that according to him, he was only in the shower/bathroom for 9 minutes "Grumpy time", but 58 minutes real time. 

Rewinding to the fact it is Wednesday, and a church night...  By three that afternoon all 3 boys had their hair cut, so upon arriving home at 4:03, Grumpy heads up the stairs to shower so he is not hairy for church.  In that time, I send some emails, switch over the laundry, make dinner, call him twice for dinner, serve dinner,  sit with the other dwarfs, share conversation around the dinner table with the four other dwarfs, put away dinner and am cleaning up dishes from dinner, when alas he finally wanders down the stairs.   Still holding my cool, as I say to Grumpy, " Here is your dinner, I fixed you a plate because you did not come when called for dinner."  His response, "I did not hear you".  Fine, I said," I can see how that can happen when the shower is on, the door is locked, and the radio is blaring. "  You need to eat your dinner so we can leave for church." Still in my opinion,  holding it together, refusing to get into a battle of the wits with someone that suffers from a processing disorder.  Until that is,  he starts to complain because his taco is too full and he can't wrap the ingredients in the "baby sized taco shell".

To say that my next words were edifying would be a lie.  To say that my tone was more kind than sarcastic, would also be a lie.  To say my blood was boiling over the fact that no amount of reasoning or discussion could make him see his part in why he was eating pr-emade taco's,  would be accurate.  My greatest source of frustration with this dwarf (and he is not alone, there are others that vex me so), is that they never, ever stop, when faced with a correction or instruction and they are clearly at fault, to just say, "oh, darn mom, I lost track of time, or gee mom, I'm sorry."   Or in this particular instance, "thanks mom for saving me dinner."  (I know that is similar is seeking a miracle, but a mom can dream right?)  In this particular instance 20 minutes of loudly discussing brought no resolution.  I thought that my rational and calm (not) pointing out of the facts would assist him in seeing his fault in this.  My points, as they were made, had no seemingly immediate impact like I had hoped, and in the end we both walked away frustrated, exhausted and irritated.  In times like these, I always tend to walk away feeling like Charlie Brown's teacher .... my voice and all conversations with said dwarf, are just non intelligible words being heard, making no impact.

To church we go.  Two hours later, we are on the home journey (which really takes all of three minutes now if you don't get stuck at the red light)  and Grumpy announces he wants to talk to me.   I wish that I could say to you that I graciously agreed to talk with him.  That my initial reaction was to want to sit with him one on one.  It was not.  However, what happens next,  is why as parents we keep on repeating ourselves, why we keep on reinforcing the messages of social skills, work ethic, curbing attitudes, heeding instructions, playing nicely with others etc, etc, etc.

Grumpy, went soft on me.  He started to tear up.  He shared from his heart.  He desires to change. He wants to comply, he is starting to understand that he alone can not make the changes.  He is able to articulate that he is taking his past out on me. I am hopeful again.  Will this be the last of these types of days, with certainty I can say no.  It has been almost a month since these incidents occurred that I am writing about, and just yesterday alone I can recount 4 issues that Grumpy and I had to work through painfully.  I can say that the path ahead is long and the journey will be difficult, but the moments of growth and tenderness in Grumpy are what I need to hold on to, in an effort to continue on in this sometimes monumental and exhausting path of raising special needs kids.  God knows when we need the encouragement as the parents, just as he knows when these broken cracked kids need encouragement.

When I think about my life and my decisions, my arrogance and pride, while on the outside may look better when I am melting down, what is on the inside is really what counts.  It is what is in our hearts that is what displeases God.  My special needs kids, do not have the ability to harbor things, or to hold it together like others can.  The training process for these kids is rigorous.  The fruits of our labors are often times so small that if we blink,  we will miss them. However knowing the unconditional way that God loves me, should give me the strength and the power, in His name, to keep ministering to my kids.  To keep instructing, to keep on being faithful in the small stuff, because my God has not walked away from me in my moments of stupidity, confusion or defiance.   

One of my life verses reads like this, and I keep it on my desk at all times:
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's prefect work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."  James 1: 2-4

You really Can't Make this stuff up! 

How did I get here?

This morning as I start my day after 7 am, with not a soul awake in the house, I wonder, " How did I get here?"  As I look around my home, filled with great potential, I wonder, "How did I get here?"  I sit on the lanai looking at the fish jumping in the lake and the gator swimming about, and I wonder, "How did I get here?"

Before I go any further, please understand, this is just a brief window in time, where the peace out weighs the chaos in our house.  I am not trying to put forth an idealistic image that life is all sunshine and roses...and while there are moments of that if you look for them in anyone's life, the broader question of "How did I get here?" is a reflection of the journey that took us from all we knew and were comfortable with to this place in time.

Life is a journey. Sometimes we see the curves in the road, we can anticipate the speed bumps or road blocks, even the times on the journey when we can coast, but today I was hit with the new reality of my life, here in Florida.

The Prince and I were born and raised in PA.  Eight years ago, we purchased a home in a great neighborhood, with wonderful neighbors that turned into friends, we began to pour our efforts into making that home our forever home. With no consideration, not a thought, that we would not grow old and gray in that home, not only raising our children there, but making it a haven for our children's future spouses, for our future grandchildren.  The renovations that we did increased not only the value of our home financially, but also increased the potential legacy that we would be leaving our children.  Memories of fires in the back yard, a tire swing, play house, a basketball pad, friends stopping over, friends and family in and out of the house whenever ...  and all of a sudden, we are starting over.  Not just in a new home, or in a new city, but a new state, a new climate, a new everything.

This bend in the road, caught me off guard.  We had a plan the Prince and I.  So when the offer to submit a resume came to the Prince, we sort of laughed about it.  Ignored it, and kept on moving forward with our plan.  The request came again, and even though we indicated we were really not so interested, we did scurry to put together an updated resume, and submit it.  Assuming that would be the end of the road.  Who hires a pastor for a non ministry position? Never did we anticipate the calls, the interviews, or the repeated offers, for different positions, until the Prince and I could no longer dismiss this opportunity.

I will say that trusting the Lord throughout this process was easy...when the offers and positions were clearly not one's that would benefit our family,  it was very easy to trust!   In all my year's of being a believer, I thought, I finally have a handle on this trust thing.  Then in one phone call, that all changed as the position became a viable and an overwhelmingly great opportunity for our family.  Then I faltered.  Then I had a few minutes of anxiety.  Not over the details of the move per say, ( I  did seriously have moments of great doubt about the potential of selling our house with 7 dwarfs and two dogs occupying the three floors of space, and the "how to" show a home that is that busy on a whim to a potential buyer), but more over the concerns were about the logistics of uprooting children that were well adjusted, and loosing our network of family and friends and what life would look like as we all started over.

To say God is gracious in providing me with tons of real life examples to help my dwarfs with their adjustments would be an understatement.  I think that clearest example in regards to their questions about the move was to take them all back to their own journey in life and share with them that God, who loves them and cares for them more than the Prince and I, has been preparing us all for this move and the next season in our lives.  As you know many of the dwarfs are adopted.  In this they have traveled from state to state inside their biological and foster homes until they came to reside with us, their forever family. Even upon arrival to our home, some of them changed schools multiple times and one spent two years in a treatment facility outside our home.  Our biological dwarfs, (of which this is one of the only times you will see me make a distinction of any kind) have also had preparation in this thing called change and transition, while not the same, what they needed to be able to see, looking back was that God was good in their situations of transition as well.  Sleepy has changed schools multiple times and in all those transitions with grace.  Dopey has also had a recent school change which he could look back and see the smoothness of that journey.  In regards to the Prince and I, while we have not made many transitions in life, we have not had to because of our personalities and the gift that we have to "never meet a stranger". So the "what if's" of their questions have been answered, by showing clearly that each member of our home, has had  a specific number of transitions to make, in preparation for this move!

To show His goodness in this transition even more clearly, to ourselves, and our family and our friends, we sold our house, for full price, through a neighbor and a Facebook message, with just one informal showing.  (There were several projects under way in the house at the time, so the buyer had to really have a vision!)  We were blessed to have a connection that provided housing for the Prince while he came ahead of us by three months to start working and to search for our perfect home.  The house that He provided for us, came with a realtor that used to be a kitchen cabinet maker, so when we were gifted a new kitchen from an old house that was going to be demolished, our realtor went above and beyond to provide his former skills to our family, to custom fit the new/old pieces into our space perfectly! 

Many many small things happened along the way as well.  A dryer swap, friends to help with packing, a month of meals to ease the transition of the Prince being away, and myself still having to work full time, church members that "adopted" the dwarfs to take them to and from work, and activities, pizza for dinner that just arrived at the door, rent swap for a bedroom suite,  cases of non perishables that arrived at the moving truck ramp in time to load for the final road trip, many hands that made light work of both of the loading days and the last loading and cleaning day, a friend to make the trip with us, that did the bulk of the driving, safety on the road in the midst of a blown tire on the car hauler and an escape dog on the interstate, friends on this end that assisted with unloading and unpacking.  I am sure that in the midst of the busyness of life, I have missed some of the blessings along the way, but I think you can get the gist of the grace that brought us to where we are today.

So as I pondered this morning, "How did I get here?" I realized that I am here because this is exactly where God wants my family to be.  That once again we are smack dab in the center of His will for our lives.   In the midst of this thing called life, I feel that God has blessed us in ways that He did not need too, but because he did and he continues to do so, it just adds to our "God Story", our legacy that we continue to blaze for our children, and generations that come after them.  

To say that any of this is easy or is going to be easy, (because right now it is still like an extended vacation) would be wishful thinking I believe!   We are blessed because the Lord knew what we needed, even when we did not know.   He is not surprised by this curve in the road, He orchestrated it all for His glory.   From the beginning of this new adventure in our lives we determined to give Him to the glory and the praise, even in the midst of the trials (and there have been those as well) so that our focus remains on Him!  I am this morning, grateful for His care and provision for our family, from those large moments, to the small still moments like this morning.   I know that at every fork in the road, I had a choice as to how to proceed, it could have been with kicking and screaming, or with acceptance and trust that the Lord is in control of all this and more. I am so grateful for a Godly heritage that was lived out in my childhood, modeled by my parents, which has made it easier to continue to grow and live out the calling in my life without such meltdowns and temper tantrums, and I pray that as the Prince and I continue to live, fully trusting the sovereignty of God, that we are laying the same foundation for our children and future generations.  

Too many great things have happened in this transition for it to be coincidences.  Grace abounds when you seek Him and when you trust Him.

You really can't make this stuff up!

The Life of a Stay at Home Mom with NO Kids

BIG dreams were what I had for this week of no kids.

You may ask how did a mom with 7 kids, have  a week free of any kids for one whole week... well let me clarify that. It was not a whole week... technically it was 96 hours not 168 hours and I saw them every morning at 7 for med distribution, and Tuesday night one slept at home because of injury...

Here is my formula for how I scored a large chunk of my week to myself.  First, you leave one behind in your home state and travel to a new state 1100 miles away.  Secondly, you send another child to sleep away camp for 8 consecutive weeks to serve the Lord in upstate New York. (her choice not mine). Thirdly, you praise the Lord for a new church home, that has an opportunity for your kids to serve the Lord in a mission minded week long camp, and begin making new relationships, in a safe environment,with plenty of supervision, and three meals a day!  Score!

Back to the opening statement of this post, I had BIG dreams for this week of no kids.  I envisioned sitting alone by the pool, (because I have one of those now) reading, working on my tan, cat napping, shopping (so I could get the lay of the land here of course) and maybe treating myself to a manicure or pedicure, or both. 

But the reality is that I did none of those things.  I did however work on making our new house a home for our children that were away for the week. 

I spent two days touching up paint in their rooms, hanging their photos and artwork and making sure that their rooms were organized the way that they had been in PA.  I took great pains to reorganize their dressers and leave notes for them about where things are currently if I moved them.  (The notes were really for me because when they come asking at noon today, I will not be able to remember where I shifted things. )  I left them "love notes" on their pillows of their newly changed and re-made beds expressing how proud I was of each of them to stepping out of their comfort zone this week and working for the Lord and about how excited the Prince and I are to hear about all the activities from the week.

I organized and cleaned their bathroom.  Which included more painting touch up. ( I have to say Dopey made it easy, his painting skills are improving!)  I spent a great chunk of time in the "media" room or kids den on their floor as well, securing the space as the coolest in the house.  A room just for them to relax, watch movies, play video games, play a board game, do a puzzle.  Hung more artwork, and black out curtains (can't have glare on that big television, #teenageproblems)The house had been empty for a year and when Bryan moved in his focus was demolition, not cleaning so for Bashful, I cleaned away all remnants of bugs, cobwebs, and the like, that tends to send his freak meter off.

As I moved through the house, I constantly kept that washer and dryer spinning, as well as worked on the other areas of the house.  I painted the entrance way of the house, and because I had a lot of bleed through under the tape for some reason, I repainted the white areas as well ... painting always makes me want to curse. I continued to remove cobwebs and bugs, kept up with the dog hair and the dishes, stuff that all of you moms out there do! (Dad's too).  I continued to organize and reorganize our new spaces, trying to find the best home for our treasures.

In the midst of all this busy work, I prayed. I prayed for friends that lost a loved one recently, I prayed for my kids and their struggles and their adjustment to camp and making new friends, I prayed for a friend that is struggling with health concerns, for another that is struggling with kid issues, I prayed for my family that I miss, and that they would all be so busy at home that they would not be missing me as much as I was missing them, I prayed over the rooms of this house, that they would become rooms of a home, filled with love and life, and that even here in Florida, it would be a resting stop for the weary, a filling station for the hungry, and a haven to those that need peace.

My alone time is coming to an end.  As I look back over the week, it is hard to believe that there are still rooms that are in chaos, or at least mild distress.  That I did not get to the salon to have my nails done,  I did not read that great book, or work on my tan.  I am a bit sad that I did not get a nap or 4 in, and that my to do list is some how longer than when the week started.  What I am excited about however, is that our house, is more of a home than 96 hours ago.  The pieces are all fitting, the spaces are all filling, and the only thing missing is the noise and the chaos of my kids, while we are not 100% there yet... we are in the home stretch, we have turned a corner towards putting down roots, towards securing our position and relationships in this area, and to calling 6114 Cypress Circle our home!

You really can't make this stuff up. 

Be careful what you wish for!

As a runner, I often think to myself, what a great wide berm there is on this highway, or this road goes on for miles and it is flat and straight.  I could run everywhere I wanted to go if I could run on the interstate. 

Well that was until we hit exit 9B in South Carolina, my wish came true.  Except it was not how I envisioned it... none the less, be careful what you wish for! 

It was about 9 hours into our trip and the car hauler my husband was pulling behind the moving truck in front of us,  has a low tire. We had stopped and filled it up, at the last fuel stop, but it was depleted of air again, and was starting to smoke.   Eventually the tire blew, which is really a post all on it's own,  but leads me to the run on the side of the road. 

To say that we were an impressive line up on the side of that exit would be an understatement.  But in true Lingle form, we attacked the situation with gusto and made a plan.  A plan that included 5 children, 3 adults and 2, 80 lbs labs.

To say that it was hot would be an understatement.  It is the heat of the day, and the wait time for just the call back on the service repair was estimated at 30 minutes.  From there it was over two hours for the service technician to arrive and for the repair to be made.  So off the side of the road was a nice shaded area.  We all piled out of the vehicles and went down to the shade, where we fed the dogs, watered the dogs, made small talk, snacked etc.  Things were good, or at least the best they could be in the situation for 2 hours and 20 minutes perhaps....  Then Bashful started to melt down.  Literally, he was sweating and his attitude was also suffering significantly, so in an attempt to smooth things over, I took him back to the van for some alone time and for the diversion of electronics. 

 As we are settling in, the service repair man comes and starts working on the flat.  I get a text about the same time that one of the dogs ran off.  I think for sure this must be a joke, they are leashed.  But no it is not a joke.  Lucy has managed to slip her collar and leash and make a dash for.... well I am not really sure what for but she is dashing.  The other dwarfs wrestle Lola, her sister to the van.  Shut it up and start the air.  I rush to the area where Lucy was last seen, with Grumpy, in hope of seeing Sleepy and Dopey with the dog already in hand. 

I am such a dreamer!  I send Grumpy with some treats in a metal bowl, shaking it as he runs in the direction of Lucy, calling out "Treats Lucy, Treats..."  over and over again.  I take the high ground and start running in flip flops, through the grasses and weeds in the kids direction as well ( I am just older and slower. )   We get about a quarter of a mile from our exit, and I look up to see Lucy bounding right at me.  She is running with wild abandon, and looks like one of those cartoon dogs, ears flopping, legs pumping, raised high ... I think, I have one chance.  She is coming straight at me, I will drop on her when she gets to me and hold her til the kids come with the leash and collar.  So Lucy and I are running top speed towards each other,  I am calling to her " Come here Lucy girl" .  She is still flying in my direction.  I stop and prepare for impact.

She sprints in another direction!  Grrr did I mention I am not a fan of dogs.... Okay, well I am startled to say the least, I can hear the kids getting closer, but do not know what to do, because now I am the leader in this race and the kids are bringing up the rear.  So I bolt (okay that may be a bit strong of a term, but for story telling purposes it works) into the area that Lucy headed, which was filled with jaggers and wild berry bushes.   Fact:  The dog is faster than any human.  She again darts off the path and starts heading right down the side of the interstate towards the rest of the family and the Prince, and the repair man, and traffic flying by at 70 mph.  I do not know if any of them are watching for her, so I stop, gather all the air I can into my lungs and start yelling for them to look for her.  Fact: The side of the interstate is a noisy, noisy place and your voice doesn't really carry well.

So... she runs towards the Prince, and then darts out to the drivers side of the van, right in traffic range.  The Prince manages to call her to the other side of the van, where her sister is already waiting for her.  We get her into the van,  and she is a shaking mess. 

Here come the kids.  Sleepy has lost one of her flip flops, and the Prince can't find it.  She has cuts all over her feet because she made the interstate run in her bare feet.  Dopey is cut on his legs as he plowed through all sorts of jagger bushes and such in the pursuit of his dog Lucy.  We hear the tale of Lucy bolting across two on ramps and cars stopping and horns blowing and how one woman almost had her in her car, before Lucy got scared and ran again... I do wish that Lucy could share her version of the story with us...  We get the kids and the dog situated and cleaned up about the same time the repair to the trailer is done.  After about three hours and a little change, we are on the road again.

One of the dwarfs insightfully proclaimed as we re-entered the highway, " Mom, at least Lucy ran away while the repairs were being made, that way we did not have to waste anymore time sitting on the side of the road waiting."

You really can't make this stuff up!   

Eavesdropping? Why yes I was!

Is it okay to eavesdrop on your children's conversations?  Typically, I would say, NO.  However when the conversation is directly in your earshot, and your child is talking rather LOUDLY, then eavesdropping it is....

Yesterday, Grumpy wanted to reach out to a "friend" from home.  So with much hesitation, I gave him my cell, took him to a spot in the house that has good cell reception, and told him he had 15 minutes to talk with his friend.  I went back to doing what all good mom's do, laundry and cleaning and such.  

As I was putting away laundry, I hear that Grumpy is becoming more animated in his conversation with his friend.  Words that should never in my humble opinion be used when having any kind of conversation are being thrown around, "Yo, Homie, Nah, Yup" ... Of course Grumpy is exaggerating facts, and is spinning things to make him seem AMAZING... but the one conversation starter that pricked my ears the most was, "Yo Homie, I was being chased by the cops today."  Now I ask, what mom in her right mind is going to leave the room at this point?

So I listen to Grumpy continue to tell the story of how he was being chased by the cops today while he was on his bike ride, for not wearing his helmet.   At the conclusion of this story, before  he has the time to launch into another tale, I go out, and remind him that his time is up. 

At the conclusion of the call, I go retrieve my phone from him and sit down and ask him to explain his "being chased by a cop" story to me.  At first he seems shocked that I know about the situation.  I remind him that if he wants to talk to people without being overheard then he needs to keep his voice down.  To which he nods his head in acknowledgement, but if you know anything about this dwarf, quiet is not his M.O..

"Well mom it is like this, he says,  I was riding my bike today and when I was out there was a police man in his car chasing me."  " Why do you think he was chasing you? "  " I know he was!"  " Did you do something wrong? "  "No, I just wasn't wearing my helmet."  " Well Grumpy, you do know that here in Florida you do not have to wear your helmet. "  " Mom he was chasing me!"  " Let me clarify something son, if he were indeed chasing you, then did you outrun him on your bike as he drove behind you in his car?"  "No."  " He follow you to our home and rang my door bell to tell me what kind of trouble you were in?" " No."  " Did he at anytime during the chase, talk to you, come along side you and address you, did he even smile and wave at you at anytime during this chase?"  "No."  "Son, do you know that our neighborhood has over 500 homes in it and that the police patrol through here about twice a day or so? " "No."  " Son, did it ever occur to you that it just happened, that you and the police officer, were going in the same direction at the same time as you were riding home on your bike and as he was patrolling our neighborhood? "  "No." somewhat sheepishly this time.

I explained three things to Grumpy this day.  One is that people are always out and about in their cars traveling in and out of the neighborhood, and there is almost always someone that will be driving in their car, going at least for part of the way, the same direction as you are biking.  The only reason that he noticed this particular vehicle is because of his hyper sensitivity to all things police related.  Secondly, I explained to him, that should this have been an actual "chase" the police officer would have made verbal contact with him, giving him instructions as to what he was supposed to do, and that a "chase" would only ensue, should at the point of being spoken to by the officer, he would choose flee the scene.  Thirdly, that friends can see through a tall tale, and if you desire to keep and or make new friends, one should always view the situations/stories  that they are discussing/telling in light of reality.  If one is unsure, it is always safe to keep one's mouth shut...or just simply state the facts.
"Today while riding my bike, I was a little scared when I noticed that a police officer was following me down the road."    But of course, what kind of story would that make?

You really can't make this stuff up!