Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Miscellaneous Moments in the House of Many

There have been several random and miscellaneous "You can't make this stuff up" episodes in our home the last few weeks.  None of them have been substantial enough to generate a complete post, so here they are in no particular order: (all dwarfs are remaining anonymous for this post)

In regards to wardrobe requirements on a Sunday morning:  I strongly request that my male dwarfs wear a collared shirt to church.  I make no requirements on bottoms, or footwear.  I think it is a fair request.  To honor it in my mind, shows respect of the mother, and to God.  (old school thinking I know, because no where in the Bible does it say how to dress for corporate worship)

Recently, after about  3 weeks of consistent conversations about the collared shirt "request", this week, a male dwarf made his way to the breakfast table in a beautiful collared shirt.  He looked handsome, I expressed my thanks to him for being willing to honor the request, and told him that he  looked handsome.  Upon arriving at church said dwarf, made a parade around the inside spaces of the building, which I thought was odd, but tossed it off to the fact he was looking for someone. (In hindsight, he was making sure that everyone who was there could see him in his collared shirt; including his dad who went to the office early that day!)  I went my way after a few minutes, as did he.  We met up again in the sanctuary after an hour of Sunday School, and I saw his collared shirt was "missing" and in it's place a dingy undershirt and a hoodie.  When questioned, his response was, "I did what you told me too, I wore a collared shirt to church, but then I took it off and put it in Dad's office before Sunday school because I think it is too small and I don't like it."  Ah the joy of living with a word smith. 

After a Sunday morning scurry to get in the big white van and make it to the church on time, one of my male dwarfs, upon exiting the van looks a little "off".  I call him to come back to me, which he does, and upon closer inspection, I see that he is wearing my makeup.  Foundation to be exact.  So I say to the dwarf, "are you wearing my makeup?" "NO!!" says he like I have a few screws loose.  Upon closer inspection it is clear that he is wearing my makeup.  I say at this point, we are going to start over with this conversation.  I am going to ask you again... this is where he interrupts with, "MOM, it came off the hand towel in your bathroom when I was wiping my mouth after brushing my teeth."  No, I don't agree, and for a few reasons.... one is that there is never makeup on my towel.  Secondly, IF it had been on my towel and you smeared it when wiping your mouth, the foundation smear would be around your lips and mouth, not specific dots on multiple points of your face.  "So, don't interrupt me again, let me finish..."  "We are going to start this conversation over again when I say the word go, and you are going to have an opportunity to tell me the truth."  "GO! "  Me to the dwarf, "are you wearing my makeup?"  Dwarf with downcast eyes, "yes."  Okay,  I applaud him because this a good start to a truthful conversation.  I suppose the better question is why he was wearing my makeup.  The answer after a few more prompting and probing questions, reveled that he is self conscious about his acne.    I encouraged him to go in the side door of the church and quickly walk to the men's room, keep his eyes down, don't stop and talk to anyone and wash his face.  Perhaps if I had left him go as is, he would have been less self conscious about his skin problems once a pile of people commented on what possibly could be wrong with his face, realizing that his "solution" to his problem, only caused to draw more attention to his zits than, leaving them alone.

A few dwarfs are of working age.  All have customer service jobs.  Prior to exiting for their shift, I catch the dwarf asking if they have all they need to be successful at work, name tag etc.  They indicate that they do, so then I ask the trick question..."Have you brushed your teeth?"  To which my dwarf, huffs, stomps and trudges off to brush.  All while I am the voice of reason in the background, saying," Clean teeth and fresh breath is a gift that you give to all whom  you will serve today!"

Waiting for our hairstylist to arrive in the kingdom for hair cuts, one of the male dwarfs indicates that he is going to ask to have some designs cut into his head tonight.  With my cartoon question mark eyes, I ask him to repeat himself.  " Mom, you know that my dad was black, and you know that I want to be black when I grow up."  So I say, "I  want to be a red hot Ferrari, to speed down the roads at 100+ miles an hour.  Do I look like a Ferrari? "  He shakes his head to indicate that I do not look like a Ferrari.  I go on to say that no matter how much I want to be a red hot Ferrari, speeding down the highway, there is nothing that I can do to make it so.  I can paint my hair red, wear a Ferrari tee shirt and even live in the garage, but all that wishing and attempting to act like a Ferrari will never make me a Ferrari.  Like wise, his dress, his hair, his speech while he may be copying the style of a particular "black" person, he will never be black.  I went on to further explain that while a man of color may have visited his home that was not his father.  That his birth certificate states he is Caucasian.  To which he responded first with "SEE!!, I told you. " (you can shake your head here that he thinks Caucasian means black, I sure still am!)   Followed on the heals by this question: "So when you were growing up you wanted to be a car?"

Many of my dwarfs refuse to wear winter coats.  Recently the weather has been frigid.  I have given up the battle, let them freeze is my new motto.  If the state comes to investigate the report of frozen life size people pops on the side of the road, I will show them the abundance of season appropriate attire and let them make up their own minds, however in the meantime there are still others that question our dwarfs on their lack of weather appropriate attire.  One dwarf was recently reported as indicating the reason that they do not wear a winter coat is because once when they had their winter coat on, someone asked them to play baseball, and they ended up tearing the winter coat they were wearing.  To avoid potential ruin of said winter jacket, in an impromptu mid winter baseball pick up game, they have determined it would be best to go jacket less.

I am sure there are more that I am missing:  But really, you can't make this stuff up!

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