"How fast can you run a mile?" is the question recently overheard through an open window.... ( I know how dare I post that in February, I have the windows open for the cool breeze)
The neighbor boy is over to pass football with Grumpy. Grumpy of course is the athlete that puts all other athletes to shame. He is nimble, agile. He is a three point master. A touchdown scoring machine. Although he has never played, he is a hat trick boss. And, I found out through eavesdropping, (come on you know you do it to your kids too) that Grumpy is really, really, really fast!
So as I hear the neighbor boy say to Grumpy in a casual manner. " So, how fast can you run a mile?" I stop in my tracks and pay particularly close attention to Grumpy's answer.
All of you that run, have ever run, or ever desire to run, should sit down. I am about to take the wind from your sails, the record has been set.... Drum roll please.....
"I can run a mile in like, two minutes dude. How about you?" Well no one is going to admit that they run a mile is 5 minutes or 8 minutes after that revelation, so the neighbor quickly throws the football long, Grumpy goes after it and that quickly the conversation turns to other less dramatic boy things.
Now while the boys are in the yard, I pull up some google searches on fastest mile ever run... and while some have broken four minute mile, and just by a small amount, there is no one that I could find that has ever run a 2 minute mile.
After the neighbor goes home, I call Grumpy in and ask him to repeat to me how fast he can run a mile. "2 minutes!" "How do you know that?" I ask. "Because during PT, that is how fast I was clocked running the mile. " "So, there is NO way you are confused about the distance that you were running?" "Could it have been a half mile in two minutes?" Still in my mind a highly unlikely probability, but one that I could consider. A highly insulted and overly irritated teen boy voice screeches in my ear, "No, mom you can ask anybody. Ask Colonel!" "Okay, I will email him, and until we hear back from him with confirmation of your running abilities you should look at these web sites, and statistics and think about what professional, and trained athletes are doing in the world of running." Yet in the face of the facts, 2 minute mile is his story and he is sticking to it!
Below is the emailed response from his Colonel:
Rest assured that if young Grumpy was indeed capable of a 2 min mile. You would
have known about it LONG ago. The fact is he has repeatedly run 2:00 and even
1:30 Quarter miles. Which is the distance of one lap around the bus loop."
Now look, as the mom of a very concrete, special needs child, I want to do my very best each day to encourage him, not discourage him. I feel the need to not just for my own satisfaction, (although sometimes I think it would just feel so good to say nana nana boo boo, I told you so) but for his protection from the unkindness of strangers, to whom he is sharing his two minute mile story with, to set the record straight. So, I hold my tongue. I launch into the logical and mathematical reasoning for why he is not and without training, never mind the human improbability, will never be able to just run a two minute mile. I think he gets it. However, that doesn't erase the fact that in his mind, when he turns 18, the NFL is going to call to draft him ....maybe we will tackle that delusion another day.
You really can't make this stuff up!